Everyday Bliss

On another post in the archives, a commenter by the name of Ted got a little upset at my repost of an Yahoo.com article on “Top 10 Stress-less Careers”.  I thought Ted’s comment was provocative enough to post (yes I approve vitriolic comments if they provide value) and also to answer. Here’s that thread, for the possible enlightenment it might provide:

Ted:
“This article is utter bull shit. Every one of those jobs is full of stress. They are either very stressful, too low paying to create financial stress (Maryam note: I think he means “too low paying SO they create financial stress”), or both. Try being an accountant. Every calculation you make must be accurate! And tax season is the worst.

Even being a masseuse causes your own muscles to tighten up. Who massages you? And a teacher? Try making ends meet on a teachers salary when you’ve baby sat a bunch of adolescents all day. You do no one any favors by propogating this drivel. It’s obviously written by someone who’s sitting at home, drinking tea and out of touch with the real world. Why? Because she’s figured out a way to make a stress free living by working 3 hours a day by writing useless garbage. I’d bet she’s living on a farm raising toddlers and chickens.”

(~*~*~*~*~ pause for interlude music ~*~*~*~*~ )

Hi Ted,
Can I recommend you take a chill pill? The vitriol here only indicates that YOU are stressed.  Your outlook effects your experience of life a great deal. My accountant is happy as a lark right now. It’s his outlook. He enjoys tax season and revels in the work it brings. If you’re an accountant and you don’t enjoy it, then you’re in the wrong job. Change your job to reduce  stress. It’s entirely doable, no matter how closed all avenues might seem. (see the end of this article)

You’re also making a lot of judgements that may or many not have any basis in reality. And your experience may be atypical. So…why “propagate such drivel” yourself?

To answer a few of your rants: who massages you? Your buddies – as a massage therapist, you develop cooperative relationships with other massage therapists. Been there, done that.  Teacher? Been there too – high school English. Most teachers who are in it as a career are doing it for love of the job..and don’t view it as “baby sitting”  – you demean teachers by this suggestion. The fact that you can read and write you owe to a teacher. Don’t disrespect them by suggesting their jobs amount to babysitting.

But before you jump on your keys to write a retort, I must correct the worst misperceptions you list: the job of “mom to toddlers” and also that of raising farm animals are two of the most time-consuming and stressful on the planet. Both require early hours until way late at night and in the middle of the night when a child or animal is ill or a large animal is giving birth. (woman and farmer? Resources here) There’s no calling in a workmate to handle your load when you “don’t feel like” going in to work or are sick yourself.

Moms and stock farmers work through it all – no exceptions.  Respect.

The next time you eat a steak, chop or chicken breast think about that. The next time you take a breath or do anything with your mind or body, you can thank your mother for that. Like her or not, you wouldn’t be here without her and whomever raised you to adulthood. If you were as angry then as you exhibit here…it probably wasn’t a 100% pleasant job.

Finally, the article didn’t say zero stress, just less stress. Perhaps I should adjust the title (already done)…but really, is all the venom-spouting necessary? If destressing is important to you then I recommend:

http://maryamwebster.com/stressrelief

or your favorite aerobic exercise.

Also, know that you can step away from this and into your own Unlimited Self, where the problems, stress and upset don’t exist.  You started out in life Unlimited, able to make your life anything you choose. You still have that power and that choice, no matter what your station in life or how crappy your job or living situation. Ask yourself  – “Would an Unlimited being choose to remain this angry, upset and stressed-out?” More here:

http://ethosmethod.ning.com

Have a good one Ted – Be Good to You!

.

From Yahoo HotJobs, by Chloe Dowley

Job stress is one of the most common complaints among Americans, and research indicates that it has become a more widespread problem in recent years. In 1992, the United Nations named job stress “The 20th Century Disease,” and the World Health Organization has called it a “World Wide Epidemic.” Also, studies have shown that too much negative stress can contribute to health problems ranging from migraine headaches and depression to life-threatening illnesses such as heart attacks. Is that pension plan really worth it if you won’t be alive to cash it in?

Turn Off the Career Pressure-Cooker

What’s an overworked guy or gal to do? Though it may seem out of the question after a 60+ hour workweek, redirecting some of your energy toward identifying and training for a new career may be the best investment you can make. The careers listed below are not anxiety-free (every job by nature has some elements of positive and negative stress), but they do offer a combination of freedom, creativity, and personal satisfaction that can help keep your pulse rate normal.

Check out the list of The 10 Least Stressful jobs, and full article at Yahoo News here.

Oh, you know you need you some Hu. Social networking buddy Sherman Hu (on Twitter @shermanhu) is the most joyful – dare I say “puckish” – and amazingly generous webpreneur I’ve met in a long time. Plus which, he’s charmingly in love with his wife, the beautiful Sarah, and his kids. An all-around wholesome, decent fellow it’s my pleasure to introduce you to.

Stick with Sherman, and he’ll help you like he’s helped me to make sense of the sometimes confusing welter of Web 2.0 opportunities we’ve all been told we must take advantage of to maintain relationships, promote ourselves and create our web platforms with.

Leverage these platforms and win – clients, credibility and ka-ching. But dear Dorothy, that Web 2.0 yellow brick road is long, twisty and tricky. If you don’t know what you’re doing you can fritter hours, days, weeks away.

But it can be so much simpler with the right guide. Sherman Hu is such a guide and nope, he’s not paying me a cent to say this, I’ve just observed his offerings for long enough to know – he’s my go-to on this stuff. If you’re bamboozled by how to keep track of your WordPress, Twitter, FaceBook and other new “must do” social media platforms, I highly suggest you start watching Sherman’s every-Monday “Half Hour Huddle” on ShermanHu.tv.  This broadcast simplifies and demystifies emerging new media (blogging, podcasting, video, social media) so business owners can profit. Which is way okay by me. 

Slightly out of Sherman’s main oeuvre, but an excellent classic and back for the new year, is one of his episodes on creating a more profitable year in all ways by a little simple reflection and forward planning. It’s from 2007, but is still relevant today. Below the video is my interpretation of Sherman’s template you can use to plan your own year. Enjoy!

Here’s an easy recap of Sherman’s 2009 Vision & Goals form mentioned on this video. He suggests doing this with your spouse or significant other, which is a great idea. Print yourself out two and share with your partner when you’ve both filled them out. This will prevent potential mismatching down the road when you’re rollin’ and your partner says “what the heck? I didn’t know you were planning to….!”

2009 Vision & Goals

At the end of 2009, what would I realistically like to say has happened in my life?

2008 Recap:

Business

What did I Accomplish in 2008?

What were my main Frustrations in 2008?

At the end of 2009, this happened for me to be happy with the progress in this year:

Family & Home

What did I Accomplish in 2008?

What were my main Frustrations in 2008?

At the end of 2009, this happened for me to be happy with the progress in this year:

Spouse & Romance

What did I Accomplish in 2008?

What were my main Frustrations in 2008?

At the end of 2009, this happened for me to be happy with my progress in this year:

Friends & Fun

What did I Accomplish in 2008?

What were my main Frustrations in 2008?

At the end of 2009, this happened for me to be happy with my progress in this year:

Fitness & Health

What did I Accomplish in 2008?

What were my main Frustrations in 2008?

At the end of 2009, this happened for me to be happy with my progress in this year:

Personal Growth

What did I Accomplish in 2008?

What were my main Frustrations in 2008?

At the end of 2009, this happened for me to be happy with my progress in this year:

Financial & Material

What did I Accomplish in 2008?

What were my main Frustrations in 2008?

At the end of 2009, this happened for me to be happy with my progress in this year:

My Key Word/Phrase for 2009 is:
example: “All of life comes to me with ease, joy and grace”, “Wahoo!”, “Yes I can” etc.

Sherman suggests you put this into a 2009 Planning Grid as shown on the video. Sage advice, and a standard in the life coaching community. Just do it! I used Adobe InDesign to do mine, but you could equally use OpenOffice tools, Microsoft Excel or Word. Here’s the rough plan for you to harvest and fill in for yourself:

Across the Top: 2009 Vision | 90 day goals Jan – March | 30 day goals (2 per each 90 day goal) | Outcome

Down the Side:
Business
Family & Home
Spouse & Romance
Friends & Fun
Fitness & Health
Personal Growth
Financial & Material

Fill this grid in as the year goes on and enjoy…

And thanks Sherman Hu, for ALL that you do. Respect!

This just in from correspondent J.W.:

Hi J.W.,
Thanks for writing. The first question I’d ask you if you were my mentee is "why do you want a private practice"? You need to know the true answer to this before you can even begin to think about setting up shop. And btw, "to make money" is not a valid answer. That goes without saying. Now, why do you *really* want to have a private practice. This is something you should address with your coach.

I would also, personally, do a year of NLP coaching with a recognized master on your own issues if you find yourself so resistant to using NLP. You need to be a veteran of technique usage if you’re going to be selling sessions in that technique to your clients. If you’re not past your own resistance to the technique, you won’t be a good coach.

Also, if you lack motivation, then the goal isn’t juicy enough for you to pursue. Work with the goal in mind until you find one that fires you up so much you’re glowing, and you’ll have no trouble. Perhaps a special group of people really has your heart – Maybe single parents? Those preparing for exams? People who’ve just been through surgery? These are just a few "niches" you could mine – you’ll think of one special to you.

Confidence is gained through practice, so practice with anyone you can. I assign all my students coaching buddies for this reason – find a buddy who went through prac track with you and get going. 

And now some advice you didn’t ask for but desperately need: start right now to take as many service business marketing classes as you can. Your business is not "doing NLP", your business as such is "marketing yourself". And I mean that in the kindest, non-prurient sort of way. Marketing yourself as a provider of NLP of course, but no one knows what NLP is. Who cares, when all I want is to get rid of this headache I’ve had for ten years or motivate myself to finish my novel or whatever else your ideal clients want. EVEN MORE IMPORTANT than marketing the technique (forget it, it’s a waste of time) is marketing the many BENEFITS that working with you  can give to your clients.

We’ll be having a special class on Promoting and Filling Your Private Practice given by Energy Coach Institute trainers in the autumn. You can attend wherever you are in the world. Sign up for my newsletter (fill in the "Free Blisskit" form to the left of this post) and you’ll be in the know as soon as we announce the class.

Self-coaching -  floor anchors are the best way to process yourself using the basic "mother of NLP" process which works for anything: Present State + Necessary Resources = Desired State.

I’ll post this to my blog as it’s a really great question that might be of help to others.

Warm Blessings,
Maryam Webster
Director, The Energy Coach Institute

http://energycoachinstitute.org

If you rely on an international team as I do in my business, instant messaging, or IM-ing, can be a lifesaver. Roland and his gang on whom I rely for just about all my virtual assistant work use Skype, Enrique at  who sets up my Joomla sites uses MSN Messenger, my college girlfriends network favors Google Talk, and the local event fixers use Yahoo Messenger (as does, paradoxically, my husband’s workplace).

I don’t like redundancy, and trying to arrange a conference between Roland and Enrique to introduce their services to old college buddy Jen was a frustrating mix of platforms or forcing someone to download an app they would never use again – until now.

When you coordinate different sectors of the world in your business, you either must all agree on a communication platform….or you must get Pidgin, which combines a triple handful of popular instant messenger applications in one. Download Pidgin:

http://www.pidgin.im/

You can now communicate freely, worldwide.  

My buddy Donna Steinhorn, of the Association of Coaching Excellence just tapped me to reply to a post she made over at her blog on what we do to give away our power and how we can get it back. I’m happy to oblige with a few thoughts on the matter…good question!

Hey Donna, Donna!  For giving away power, I’ll have to go with you and say it’s getting dragged *back* into things that I had already found support on…then found support staff wasn’t doing what I needed them to. I’ve made out reams of instructions, spent personal time, taught them how to teach/create/whatever, and even set up a support help desk.

Yet, when the salami hits the fan, my students and customers complain directly to me as the buck really does stop here, on my desk. Sometimes though, no matter how much I gently redirect their complaints to the help desk, or counsel with an employee how to deal with the complaint on their own, I still occasionally, find myself embroiled in the thick of things.

This is a liminal time. Liminal, in the sense that it represents both a challenge and an opportunity. An opportunity, that comes to me in the form of empowering others to deal with things on their own that I have told the Universe I do not wish to deal with anymore. And by golly, it’s working, and the staff do their jobs really well for the most part. A challenge though, to shape gently and minimally, letting others do their own work without the temptation to become re-involved.

I stand on the threshold of two doorways, a hallmark of liminality.

One doorway, holds the new life I have affirmed over and over and over (and over…) that I want to lead. Not doing the "busy" in my job, but handing it off to others who are so much better at it. Not doing the main bulk of teaching in the post-graduate program I created, but hiring brilliant and qualified teachers from my own pool of graduates. Not coding every webpage and shopping cart item in my online store, but jobbing it out to the nicest VA’s in the world, who also run my help desk with polish and elan.

Life is good through this beautiful doorway. Life is as I want it to be. With this support system in place, I now have the time to create again that I badly needed, to cause my business and life mission (the two are indivisible really) to take off and truly fly. And lo and behold, it has.

But annoyingly sometimes, there is that other doorway. Rimmed in flame, in my imagination. The doorway through which previously ingrained pattern behavior wants to pull me backwards into the mental maelstrom of "no one can do it as good as I can!"  and "it takes me as long to teach them to do it as it would be for me to do it myself!".  Cue energy and power flowing away and down the drain.

That way lies insanity. Here there be Dragons.

While I have strayed back through the Flaming Door a few times in the past few months, such jaunts are becoming rarer and rarer. And it’s really okay if some folks think I’m a bitch because I don’t continually give and give and give to them of my time, expertise and energy, asking them instead to deal with the appropriate staff member. That nearly always happens when you make a shift like this. (watch for it…) And it’s okay if the staff doesn’t do it perfect, doesn’t get it right the first time or makes a spelling mistake (aaaaggh!!! pet-peeve-o-rama!) in official correspondence. Really, it is.

How I’ve made trips to the past in terms of pattern behavior dwindle to nothing is first by doing energy work, such as NLP processes, EFT, ZPoint Process or others on the patterns I know sabotage and weaken me. That done, I focus entirely on feeling good, to quote Wayne Dyer and Abraham-Hicks. Taking a page from Dr. Andrew Weil, I eschew the news more and more for reading things that educate and make me feel better and take also his prescription of a deep belly-laugh at least one a day…but you never can chuckle just once, can you?

And I take a leaf out of my own book on Bliss in slowing down, way down, no matter what. It’s a lifesaving move, and one you’ll thank yourself for. I remember Kim George’s sage quote: that nothing which is meant for me can be lost, and I reflect that I have all the time in the world, all I’ll ever need. That is a richness of reserve that keeps me looking towards the beautiful door, that keeps me going through it every day when I wake up, with singleminded intensity. 

Andy Andrews said that to truly succeed at anything, we must persist without exception. I choose to be happy every day. I choose to go through the beautiful door and live in the life I am dreaming into being. I choose to persist without exception in these things. That’s how I do it. There’s no "Secret" to it, there’s no magic other than consistently persisting in making these pivotal choices.

So how about you, dear reader? How do YOU give your power away and what do you do about it when you notice your energy going down the tubes to a power drain?

Leave a comment and let Donna and I know! 

And…I’d like to tag Krishna De, Jasmine White, Tara Katchaturoff, Suzanne Falter-Barns, Andy Wibbels, Jennifer Louden and Ellen Britt! Tag, you’re it!

Michelle Courtney Berry tells us (and boy don’t we know it) -

"….Several top banking executives in New York State requested stress management training for their employees during the historic merger with Chemical Bank in 1996. One of the more progressive CEOs in Rochester requested a hands-on stress management workshop that blended elements of storytelling, poetry and meditation for an evening soirée for employees. Although other business associates might have thought his desire to blend tactical information with humor and relaxation was odd, he was clearly a visionary ahead of the times.

Indeed, it is only within the last few years that trainers and corporate coaches have combined workshops with meditation, massage and reiki (a hands-on energy ancient healing method designed to relieve stress) for corporate employees. This is a decisively new trend but one with ancient roots certainly worthy of replication in our over-exhausted, harried society."

Read the whole article right here.

What kind of culture are you encouraging in leading your company? How well do you value your team members, your own health, your unbridled creativity and productivity? All come with a more blissful, reduced-stress life.  If you haven’t yet, go look at the toys I give you to play with and reduce your own stress, here.

I’m in the last few days of doing author edits to my book, Everyday Bliss For Busy Women. I can’t tell you what a joy it will be to finally be done. My participation in the production will be limited from here on until the book hits the shelves of your local Borders or Barnes & Noble the first of May, 2008.

I was speaking to one of my clients, Susannah*, a corporate excecutive in prosthetic device manufacturing, about the feelings involved in finishing a big piece of work. She detailed the wind-down of a project she’s involved in:  "It’s funny" she said. "I have a sense of tremendous accomplishment in this project, it’s just like giving birth. But then there’s the letdown of not being pregnant any more. And I liked being pregnant!" she said emphatically. "But I also loved having my babies in the world to share with the rest of our family…just like I will be so glad to have this prosthesis out the door and doing good for people."

I know how you feel Susannah, I feel the same way about Everyday Bliss! I can’t wait until the book hits the shelves! In a way, I’ve had a "final week fantasy" that I finish the book, tons of women who’ve never heard of energy therapies learn about them and get themselves, their children and their whole families and communities free from stress, illness and fear. Wouldn’t that be just the best thing?

And on stress, I’ll share one of the Bliss Keys from the book:

"Nothing is truly required of you"

Past  your own survival needs, most of the stress we heap on ourselves is of our own making .Think about it…

*name changed to protect privacy

Okay, so the Autumnal Equinox was a week ago, but you can still have yourself a merry litle spa break at this time of the year when the energies are changing like mad, crazy swirls of leaves caught up in a merry dance with the North Wind. Blow some clean air through your hair – open all the windows even if it’s cold  and let your home and office air out completely from morning to night. And…

Try this five minute complete System Recharge to jump up your energy a bit at a time when the earth’s energies are winding down, going deeper, pulsing slower. This practice, which invokes the basic elements of Earth, Air, Fire and Water, purifies the subtle energy system and invigorates all of your sensate organs. Spend but a minute or two on each of the four areas:

Earth: Facing North, look down at the ground and feel gravity, pulling your body downward. Palms facing the ground, breathe both in and out through your nose while feeling the soles of your feet as they touch the earth. Breathe in through your soles of your feet and the palms of your hands.

Water: Turning to face the West, lean your neck backward looking upward and allow your lips to part. Breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth. Imagine that you are standing in a shallow mountain stream with water raining down upon you. Water rolls off of your body, drips down into the stream and flows away, taking all that doesn’t belong in or on you, with it.

Fire: Facing South, stand erect with your elbows bent and hands raised to shoulder level, facing the front of your body. Breathe in through your mouth and out through your nose. As you breathe in, feel the breath stoking your internal fire or "dan tien" in your solar plexus. As you breathe out imagine you are sending the light of that fire outward, into a protective and energizing sphere which surrounds you.

Air: Facing East, allow your entire body to relax and soften. Feel yourself becoming less solid and more permeable. Your arms hang loosely with the palms facing to the front of you. As you breathe in and out through your mouth, feel the air flowing into and out of your body through the very pores in your skin.

Old circle-junkies among the reading audience might notice this goes in a counter-clockwise (or counter-sunwise if you will) circle. Yes. At this time of the year, the energies of the natural environment that surround us are moving more in these counter-sunwise spirals as the light of the sun itself grows less intense and weaker. This is one way to make a counter-sunwise spiral work for you, to energize and purify. Enjoy!

Last week I gave a speech to a group of technology workers about workaholism being the standard, not the exception these days. I also shared the statistic that women work longer hours than men do, traditionally in the home  and also at outplacement work sites. Remember mom putting in hours on dinner, cleanup and mending or other jobs while you and dad watched tv and hung out? Most moms worked up to bedtime when I was a kid. Work at home COUNTS as "work". We’re seeing this historical tendency transfer into the corporate workplace as well where women are asked to work longer hours and then come home to resume working. Reading a 1980’s women’s magazine, my mother was once heard to mutter "Time for myself? Whatever do they mean by that?" For many women world-wide, little has changed in the past twenty years.

The point I was making is that housework and child rearing are historically un-valued or undervalued jobs, and are typically taken on in a majority of households by women. Once a woman has worked a full day in the office, she potentially comes home to meal preparation, cleaning and parenting taking up her time in far greater proportions than do male parents. This is not my observation, but that of dozens of clients, industry research and formal surveys. I cited the article below and so am running it again for those of you who missed it back when…

This study cites how women in the UK are working longer, harder and as a result, are accumulating more stress. When you translate that to America, you can tack on a few hours and perhaps even add a quarter more bother to the stress load. Why? While they are fast approaching levels of job-stress we have in the U.S., Europeans tend to have more realistic work/life balance than Americans.

From:  http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/business/3178554.stm

WOMEN WORK LONGER HOURS

A woman’s work is never done may sound like a tired old cliché – but it may be more true than ever.

According to a new survey a woman’s working week is now half a day longer than it was five years ago – and that’s without housework.

The increase is down to the growing number of women in more high-powered management and professional jobs, say researchers.

In contrast, the total number of hours worked by men has fallen slightly over the same period – from 45.5 hours to 44.8 hours.

Girls to work more

According to the Chartered Institute of Personnel and Development (http://www.cipd.co.uk/default.cipd ) who conducted the survey, the shifting pattern is down to changes in the UK economy.

And these are more likely to become more magnified, not less, in the future, as the UK economy shifting from male-dominated manufacturing to the more female-friendly service sector.

Mike Emmott, head of employee relations at CIPD, said: "If efforts to secure equal treatment for women at work are to bear fruit we can expect to see their experience of work and working patterns aligned more closely with those of men."

However, men are still working much longer hours in paid jobs than women.

Compared to an average week of 44.8 hours for a man, women are working 33.9 hours.

Flexible friend?

The impact of the government’s campaign on work-life balance has had little effect, the report says.

The element of the report’s findings contradicts a recent report for the Office of National Statistics which said that six million workers were now benefiting from flexible work.

The government has introduced a range of family-friendly and flexible working measures.

It signed up to the European Social Chapter shortly after coming into power – and many European-inspired policies have subsequently been introduced.

In recent years: new fathers have gained paternity rights; women can take up to a year’s maternity leave – and parents now have the right to request flexible working patterns.

In addition, people working part-time have gained the right to equal treatment as full-time employees.

But according to the report there is an increasing proportion of people working long hours – more than 48 hours a week – up from 10% in 1998 to 25% today.

These long hours can have a negative effect on quality of life, with more than a quarter of those people who are working long hours admitting health problems as a result.

A quarter said had led to stress or depression and it had affected their sex lives and their relationship with their children.

More than four in ten workers say long hours "gets in the way of" their relationship with their partner or spouse.

"The only crumb of comfort", the report says is that one in four employees have cut back their hours in the past five years, although this is largely down to parenthood.