Everyday Bliss

Maryam’s Holiday Hooray, Shiny Presents
Included, Loads ‘o Wisdom Winter News

CONTENTS
* Holiday Gratitude & New Direction
* Solstice (OMG!) Call Replay, Gifts & Rocky Roads
* French Ingenuity, Transparency Redux & My Motley Past
* Busy Women: Freebies For The Tired & Time-Starved Family
* Transformation Tool: EVOLUTIONARY ENVIRONMENTS
* Availability Pledge, Jaw Surgery & Are We Connected?
* Old Family Recipes: Organic, Gluten-Free Yuletide Wassail Bowl

Welcome To The Party…

This is my WHACKIN’ HUGE LOAD OF PRIMO CONTENT, tons’a prezzies, and catch-up letter for the year.

There’s some interesting stuff in here – teeth video, mom’s meal planners, transformers, my motley past, a commentary on gurus and a whole basket of yuletide g’ifts & goodness. Check the index above for juice-factor!

A very Merry Christmas and Solstice this week to you. I wanted to give you yuletide greetings while also telling you how very much I appreciate you.

I am deeply grateful for everyone who is tuned into the Now, and interested in raising consciousness on the planet like I know you are. At least, if you’re hip to joining this community, I hope you’re into waking up the planet and spreading a wave of consciousness throughout the world. We’re going to be doing a lot of that in 2010 together, so get ready – fun times ahead!

Oh by the way, I should mention that in this last year I’ve taken off to rest, reflect, refresh and retool, my business has changed a good deal. I’m not ready to say much more until after New Year’s, but Consciousness-bringing is definitely the direction. More later on that

*** FREE Replay of The Solstice World Transformation Ritual & Rocky Roads Ahead ***

We had an amazing time Monday during the exact time of Winter Solstice, doing a ritual of clearing out the old, bringing in the desired and learning how each of our lives is sacred and how we are all priest/esses in our lives. I’m not using that as a religious term, but a spiritual one, for we are all here as teachers and students of each other.

We had five beautiful Priestesses of Dawn attend us with blessings of sacredness & joy which I can’t begin to put into words. You should hear theirs – I’m offering the replay and the TEN different gifts we put together into a “Make 2010 The Year You REALLY SHINE” package.

It’s awesome-sauce! And available for replay to soak up those wonderful lessons & techniques, if you let me know your opinion on some really important issues:

http://bit.ly/SolsticeGiftReplay

I’m committed to serving you so much better in 2010 than I have in the past. There may be some rocky roads ahead for our planet, and some big changes for us as human beings. I’m stepping up in service of supporting and forearming people like you through those changes, with a magic bag full of easily learnable tools to help you accomplish that Big Mission of yours.

That’s one of my most cherished 2010 goals.

But to do that, I need you to tell me what YOU really want and need to have happen in your life this year.

I know that time is precious and valuable. So I’m willing to make it worth your time – there’s a bunch of goodness waiting for you at the end of this rainbow:

http://bit.ly/SolsticeGiftReplay

Thanks – it will help SO much!

From the Blog: French Ingenuity, Transparency & My Motley Past

An absolutely amazing video of French students doing stop-motion chair dance shows us a new Bliss Key: Cheerful Cooperation. When you engage this Bliss Key, the Bliss Blocker it unlocks is twofold:

1) The Need To Be Right – those who need to be right are rarely happy
2) Self-Isolation, leading to depression

Great winter blues cure here: http://bit.ly/CheerfulCooperation

““““““““““““““““““““““““““““““““““““““`

Transparency, Gurus, Gory Details & Telling Secrets – trending topics over at the blog and ’round about the web since the James Arthur Ray sweatlodge deaths. This is part of that discussion:

Transparency, translucence, living a conscious life – or whatever you call it, is not only the birthright and destiny of every human, but also our responsibility to the future. Our choices are essential, each one important, even east or west, choosing paper, plastic or bring-your-own, choosing to remain conscious in the face of frightening and destructive acts of unspeakable evil, or parking a block away.

We bear witness.

We choose with our intention and our energy the best and most evolutionary choices we can possibly make given our individual situation. Only we can make that choice, no one can do it for us. It’s called taking personal responsibility and it’s a Rubicon we all have to cross at some point in adult life to become fully human.

And we know that while (often intensely) impactful, our situation is not personal. Such a situation or lesson, if we choose to see it this way, is given to billions. Lessons are 100% Universal.

Thinking further on this brought me to the universals in how humans encode their experience that created The ETHOS Method.

What else is Universal? Living life asleep. And the ability to wake up, will do for a start. Spread the Wave – Consciousness will set you free. Really.

More on transparency and my motley past here: http://bit.ly/transparencysecrets

Here is the original post: http://bit.ly/translucentadvantage

And how to stay Unlimited: http://bit.ly/keepunlimitedstate

““““““““““““““““““““““““““““““““““““““`

The post that’s really got folks buzzing, on spiritual abusers in our midst, offer of abuse-prevention how-to and some details of my er, motley past – comment stream is also worth a read:

http://bit.ly/resurrectingthepast

““““““““““““““““““““““““““““““““““““““`

Head’s Up Moms: FREEBIES For The Tired & Time-Starved Family

Moms especially will love this collection of f’ree downloadable organizer pages for your day, week, month and year. Three whole pages, about eighteen different forms in all to print and help organize the chaos of an active family! There’s a fall cleaning checklist, the “Eat Sheet” for a week’s worth of meals, a weekly family calendar, baby’s schedule, infant babysitter checklist and more. You don’t even have to sign up, just download:

http://www.mommytracked.com/downloads

There’s more of the same (only different) over at http://www.cozi.com/ too. Check ‘em both out!

Transformation Tool: EVOLUTIONARY ENVIRONMENTS

One of the evolutionary environments I indulge in frequently is
my back garden. From the covered deck, I can observe wildlife and
rejoice in my fur-daughters’ play. I love it, and it evolves me
uniquely well.

http://bit.ly/greengardenafternoon

This is a Mellowvision vid for you to relax to. I like making panoramas as turning in place is fun. Now you see what I see every afternoon. I’m out there rain or shine, it’s a must for mental health.

Enjoy!

Availability Pledge, Jaw Surgery & Are We Connected?

I pledge to be more available to you in 2010. For one thing, I’ll be making lots of videos from now on. I’ve gone a bit video nutty really, as I’ve used my Flip Mino to exhaustion and happen to know Santa is dropping off a Kodak zi8.

(will it be aqua or raspberry? dunno…the Bear wouldn’t tell)

Of interest is the fact that in the new year I’ll be having jaw surgery. Not cosmetic, apparently I have really strong bones (a good thing since Mom had osteoporosis) and they’re crowding my teeth too much – several teeth need to be reseated in the jaw. Yuck, yuck, yuck. It’ll be gnarly, but I’ll be documenting this and how I’m dealing with discomfort. We’ll be doing a pain management class next year.

Interested in learning to get rid of pain? Again, let me know here:

http://bit.ly/SolsticeGiftReplay

And I’m going to be offering ways in which we can easily talk together about what’s important in 2010. A few are available right now, and the team is hard at work developing more. Are we connected? I’d love it if you’d Friend me on:

Facebook: http://facebook.com/maryamwebster
LinkedIn: http://www.linkedin.com/in/maryamwebster
Follow on Twitter: http://twitter.com/maryamwebster

Old Family Recipes for Yule: Wassail Bowl

“Wassail and wassail all over the town,
Our Cup it is white and your ale it is brown…”

– Gloucester Wassail, arr. English Traditional

Wassail is a contraction of the old Anglo-Saxon phrase “wes thu hal” meaning “To Your Health”. And of course, the traditional toasting beverage of  this  “best time of the year”  ~ which in this case is a non-alcoholic hot apple cider punch we serve for the winter holidays. It is never served any other time of the year. You can twiddle the ingredients about a bit, Graines of Paradise may be hard to come by but you can substitute pink or green peppercorns or just leave it out.

Want to up the octane? Add a full bottle of mead (honey wine), barleywine or even a crisp  chardonnay to the mix, or a shot of Applejack to each mug.

To two gallons apple cider add:

15 dried dates
20 dried apple rings
1 orange cut into thin slices w/peel left on
1 lemon cut into thin slices w/peel left on
3 cinnamon sticks, whole
1tsp. freshly grated nutmeg
1″ fresh ginger, sliced thin

Handful each:
Mixed dried fruit bits
Dried Cranberries
Dried Cherries

Large pinch each:
Whole coriander seed
Whole cardmom pod, well crushed
Whole cloves
Cinnamon chips or small pieces

Small pinch each:
Allspice berries
Damascena rose petals or 1tbsp rose water
Dried barberries (can substitute 1tsp lemon juice + tbsp raisins)
Graines of paradise (or pink or green peppercorns)

Add:
1/4 – 1/2 cup brown sugar or blue agave or maple syrup, to taste

Crush all the spices and add to the cider and fruits in a large stainless steel or enameled pan. Simmer until volume is reduced by a third. When cooked down to your taste, strain through coffee filter or paper towel to remove pulp and spices. Replace a few fresh lemon, orange and apple rings and add 2 new cinnamon sticks to serve. Serve piping hot.

How DOES it get any better…?

I’ll be back to you just before New Year’s with some more juice for your joyous life and ways for you to live in ease, grace and joy.

For now, just keep asking: “How does it get any better than this?” Don’t wait for an answer, just let it be out there, so it can return to you in wondrous ways!

All my Love & Warmest Holiday Blessings,
Maryam

(Psst! Read the whole thing. There’s a FREE NEW Report on Spiritual Leader Abuse you can download towards the end!)

Tagged for “Your Leadership Views Please”: Andrea J. Lee, Jen Louden, Adela Rubio, Michelle Skaletski-Boyd, Linda Pannell, Gloria Arenson, Hueina Su, Liz Lichti, Laura Whitelaw, and YOU, if you have a strong opinion and want to share…

The other day, I received a private email from a well-known clergy leader in neopagan spiritual circles. In it she said: “The fallout of the ill-conceived James Arthur Ray sweatlodge in which now three people have died, is all too familiar. Unpalatably so, and it also happens in our circles. No worship group is immune. We must arm people against this kind of abuse.”

I’m fortunate to say I have been spared this kind of treatment in the main, for my first ten years in an alternative spiritual community was blessed. I was uniquely privileged to have been tutored by a true spiritual leader, a man of humility, endless patience, deep wisdom and an unfailingly generous concern and regard for others’ wellbeing.

His name was Corliss Raymond “d” deLarm, and under his tutelage and friendship of over twenty years I learned how very lucky I was to have had him as the template to compare all others against. When I came across my first abusive pagan clergy, it was comparing them to d’s sterling example that instantly gave rise to my knowledge that something was rotten. Ditto the so-called “big kahunas” of the various spiritual traditions I studied in that were only in it for the ego-boosts, the money or ability to mess with people’s minds.

You can learn to do the same thing, you already have the equipment you need.

“BULLSHIT”

I can so hear someone out there, saying this and believing it to the core. That you don’t have any power, you can’t change and there is no such thing as magic.

Well ’tis the season so I’ll say “Bah, Humbug” to that crap.

Step up and out into the light. It’s time. You’re ready.

And you have some pretty fantastic tools ALWAYS on hand, no batteries required.

Your body, for one.

Your body is uniquely tuned as a bullshit filter. You can watch someone speak to you and know by the movement of energy between you whether they are telling the truth or not.

Bodies get a sick feeling in the stomach when people lie to you.

The truth feels light, airy and wonderful, and a lie feels heavy, greasy and disgsting.

So if you feel reliably queasy when a teacher or guru speaks, don’t listen to the part of your head that’s telling you to be a nice boy or girl.

Shut the hell up and run for safety.

This is not a safe person for you to be around.

Got it? Truth light & airy, lie heavy, greasy & nasty.

Anywhere you feel these feelings in your body in response to another person, your body is telling you whether you can trust that person or not. Your body is very, very savvy. It doesn’t mess around because you need that information fast.

But likely as not, you’ve not been educated in how to retrieve it, read it and make a reasonable decision based on your body’s exquisite fine tuning.

It’s time to start. Stick with me and together, we’ll muddle through.

A short primer on how to tell when you’re being scammed

Spiritual and other types of abusers are to be found in every tradition, in every segment of society.

No, your church/circle/synagogue/masjid is NOT the one and only execption.

If you ever come across a teacher or organization who says “that stuff would never – COULD never happen in OUR church/circle/synagoguge/masjid ’cause we’re SPECIAL/Different/Blessed/Have the Real AUTHENTIC Fairy Dust™” – ditto my last instruction: run like hell.

The zombies have already sucked their brain out and you could be next.

If there was ever a magnet for the unscrupulous back in those days, it was me. I was a complete energy *putz*. I couldn’t manage my own energy and events of my life, much less be able to read and manage my responses to other’s energy output and emotional states.

Then I went to grad school, lived in Europe, took a buncha classes and worked as a therapist a few decades and figured it out – but not without being battered and bruised in the attempt, as many of us were.

Today, it’s much simpler because of tools like The ETHOS Method, which self-leads you gently to consciousness without a guru.

People are smarter today. We’ve got Google at our fingertips.

If you’re confused about a teacher’s integrity, plug their name into Google with the word “scam” and do a separate search on “abuse”. See what comes up. Read the accounts. Remember these will be anecdotal, a he-said/she-said situations and NOT always fact-based. If you find more than a handful of negative accounts and they seem credible, might want to step back from that situation.

And then you have dozens of people like me who love researching topics like “how to let go of the crap once and for all”, “how to transform your relationship to everything” and so on, are acting as human Googles for you, filtering up only the stuff that works.

Again, do a background check on anyone (me included – I’ve got no skeletons I’m not happy to have you know about . Then go with…what? YOUR GUT. The body is the final arbiter and will never, ever steer you wrong.

So you’ve got a lot of support today for living a Conscious life, that wasn’t around when I was growing up, and ways to protect yourself and those you love against the unscrupulous.

Kind of makes me want to be five again…

But don’t despair, after some time in the trenches, I didn’t need to be around an unscrupulous spiritual leader long to:

(a) know they were uncool and
(b) have them know that I knew it, all without
(c) saying a word

It was an unsettling talent to have had and I’m glad to be out of the milieu that brought me into contact with these people more often than not. You can learn to do the same, and keep yourself safe. And learn how to attract only people who love and nurture you and have only your best interests and the best interests of the world at heart.

AIR & Circuit Testing

You start with paying attention to your body, and all that it tells you. You won’t in the beginning have the necessary vocabulary to dialogue well with your body, but keep communicating anyway. It’ll come. It can take as little time as you need it to take. Then, just ask your body everything as it comes up.

There’s a great technique called muscle or circuit testing that uses the electrical properties of your muscles in opposition to say “yes” or “no”. You can ask your body any yes/no question and it is pretty infallible in its answers. There are some exceptions when circuit testing your muscles doesn’t work, but most of the time it does and I always think it’s a good thing to trust the body. You’ll get to know when you’re “off” soon enough. Drinking water can fix that, as can facing another direction while you do the circuit test.

Finally, no short tutorial of mine would be complete without a discussion of A.I.R. What is A.I.R? This acronym helps us create the right everything for ourselves. It stands for “Attention, Intention and Repetition”. What you give A.I.R. to, comes to life. Literally. Anything you want, simply focus your intention on it, give that thing all your attention, and repeat doing this as often as possible. Soon, that thing will come to pass, whether for good or ill.

So far this year, bar a few minor bobbles, it’s mostly been for the good, in our spiritual community.

And then along comes James Arthur Ray, and his Sweltering Sweatlodge of Doom.

For a good rundown of what goes on in a sweat lodge – or what should go on – check out Dr. Loretta Standley’s description here. Dr. Standley observes that she is Eastern Band Cherokee (close to my father’s people in Cherokee, NC) and that the sweat is not endemic to their culture. So even as a card-carrying Native American, her comments are informed by many different tribes. She says, poignantly (and I fully agree):

While sometimes there is criticism of the white people stealing Native American spirituality, the truth is — no one can steal spirituality. That would be completely impossible. God gave us many ways to connect with one another from many cultures and we can use it to help heal others and ourselves, so honoring the importance of sharing is meaningful.

Other Leaders Weigh In and…Old Wine, New Bottle
(still kickin’ after all these years)

I was talking to Andrea Lee the other day about this situation and wondering aloud if I should haul my past life as a spiritual leader out of mothballs….in particular, some of the good tutorials I wrote back then.

I decided excavate the venerable CASHI out of the steamer trunk of the past, and rewrite it for today.

CASHI stands for “Coven Abuse Self Help Index”.  I wrote it in the early 1990’s in response to my practice being overloaded, as one of a very few pagan psychotherapists in the area, with the victims of spiritual abusers. The re-issue will focus around Spiritual Leader Abuse in its many different forms.

If you’d like a FREE copy of the forthcoming paper (out in 2010) on prevention of Spiritual Leader Abuse, fill in this form and after that, keep reading:

On Andrea’s blog she writes in a comment to her provocative post about the Ray incident:

“How might we describe what these ethics and responsibilities? To focus on them is good, but what are they, so we CAN focus on them? Maybe they’re obvious, or feel like they should be obvious, but clearly they’re not, or we wouldn’t be having this conversation.

So to capture the elusive obvious, might we start a list? How about…

Do no harm

Charge a fair price (whatever that is)

Teach people self-sufficiency….”

I replied to Andrea’s well-thought words: “To this list I would add:”

* When you appropriate another culture’s ritual, bother yourself to research it with the commitment of an adademician & know every single possible side effect both psychological, physical and metaphysical

* Do your own internal work so that you know you are leading such a serious ritual with the appropriate spirit, intentions and reasons. Any reason that points back to you in any way as a leader, is the wrong reason. You are there to serve…as we all are.

* Adapt what you are doing to minimize the damages

* Fully pre-inform all participants of those potential damages

* Ensure that a minimum of one professional caregiver (nurse, med tech etc.) is present per three to five participants at a potentially life threatening situation.

If you can’t make this minimum set of “ground floor level” responsibility, then cancel your event and teach something that will not have the ability to maim or kill participants.

That’s my .02 as one with history in shamanic practice, and one reason why I’d never do anything for the public like a mass sweat. It’s also why in the twenty-five years I knew him, my teacher only did a bare handful of sweats, only with people he’d worked with for years, only when properly prepared and usually for some community emergency situation, to help others.

Others’ mileage may vary, but I say err on the side of caution. If you can’t do your own internal work, study up, prevent badness & provide reasonable after-care, just don’t go there.

What Can We Do?

The absolute best thing for each of us is to keep steping into our Unlimited Selves. When we’re in that state, there is no way you will get “hooked” by unscrupulous teachers, therefore no way you, or anyone you influence will get screwed over. When we’re purely present, we don’t need teachings or teachers. Life itself to quote Karen Horney, remains a most effective teacher.

What’s your experience of spiritual leaders, and their treatment of those in their care?

It bugs some people, enrages others. I’d love to hear from you on this because I know mine is not the only valid opinion out there. You tell me what you think, teach your truth, and we’ll talk this thing out. What’s YOUR view? Read below for a cool new 3-In-One way to take up the talking stick and let us know what you think.

A Cool EASY NEW Way To Teach the World, Get Publicity & Continue Our Conversation:

You can EITHER leave a comment by clicking “Leave A Response” or fill in the box below this post, OR actually create content for your own blog/Facebook/Twitter with your thoughts. In the orange toolbar below click “Facebook” to post a comment on this provocative issue to our community, AND (optionally) a  Facebook status update – at the same time. Or if you’re a Tweeter, click the Twitter button and do the same. Or play with updating both Twitter and Facebook. That’s like sending 3 press releases out for what you think on an issue. If you’re a coach, therapist, teacher or in other ways want to attract interest, this is a good way to do it.

If you don’t have an account yet, it’s really easy.  Click here for Twitter and Facebook. Or if you’re tired of reading and want to sound off, post your thoughts in the orange bar below.

I look forward to continuing our conversation on this most controversial and provocative issue…

What do you think of guru-ification of teachers, and living a transparent life? What’s your take on all the “lifestyle gurus” out there preaching their own version of the Truth™, then dealing unfairly or abusively with their followers or family?

(Read this post, then let join the conversation and let everyone know your views by clicking the Facebook Community and/or Twitter icon in the orange toolbar below…)

I had the glorious good fortune to be landed with a beautiful, dear elder as a primary spiritual teacher: Corliss “d” deLarm. You’ve probably never heard of him, he was a local shaman in my Missouri hometown. His behavior was above reproach and his lessons deep and evolutionary.  What I’m seeing pass for spiritual teachings today, and from far less scrupulous teachers, is pablum. The fortunate circumstances of my own learning give me a sense of the standard I have to live up to, and what I need to teach.

d’s single most impactful teaching on us all was this:

“You are Love, You are Loved and You are Loving”

Simple words, but when you think about it – deep as the ocean. Everything pretty much does devolve back to love in the end, as anyone who has sat with the dying can attest. And d. would have had a conniption if he ever thought anyone saw him as a guru. Humble, loving and with enough patience and compassion to fill that ocean. That, by me, is a true spiritual teacher. And I didn’t for one minute turn him into a guru. He would never have allowed it.

Elizabeth Potts Weinstein is another teacher who’s come to some of the same conclusions and is conducting a scorching hot conversation on it at her blog. You might be interested to read her take on Transparent Living, guru-fiction and my own thoughts on this issue.

If you love my stuff, you’ll love hers too. Elizabeth  blogs at: http://elizabethpottsweinstein.com/ and Tweets at: http://twitter.com/elizabethpw/, so get connected. If you’re one of my energy coaches, or in the coaching field, you’ll want to check out her programs, videos and articles

In commenting in a great post she made (click here to read it), I ended up writing an article I’m reproducing here, on living an open, transparent life, the blessing divorce can be and keeping people’s secrets. Here these comments are:

…Have been enjoying your posts, especially the divorce related posts which I’ve only just found. I had a similar experience of divorce from my first husband in 2000. It was all about how I sucked being married to him and how very much that relationship pulled me down into the depths of our own private hell. I had to get out or face devolution.

How very empowering divorce is! We should all be allowed at least one starter spouse. <grin>

Transparency can be an uncomfortable place until we start paying more attention to inner direction rather than hooking into the persuasiveness of the painbody of those around us. Humans have a hard-wired urge to wallow in misery. Takes starch in your bonnet to get past that.   Brava for you!

Transparency for me must be 100%. When first online in the early 90’s someone threatened to “out” me from behind my screen name. Since I had nothing to hide, I outted myself and have opted for my own name over a false persona ever since. An object lesson in how other areas of life, for me at least, need to be run.  It’s so relaxing not to put feverish energy into maintaining a front. 

You mention transparency in business. Much of what I see in business, especially small business is not transparent, but built upon tissues of lies and airbrushing the inconvenient details to look as perfect as possible. We never have a year in the red, everything’s just dandy even after the iceberg hits our ship of business, and the gaping hole is apparent to all. The worst I’ve seen are the gurus, who present a shiny facade but are having problems, aren’t as wealthy as their press says they are, and are really NOT perfect.

No one is!

How much more attractive it is when we are able to cheerfully admit our foibles and go forward, for it places us then not in the lofty clouds of those who are icons, but with our feet firmly planted alongside the people we are meant to serve. Transparency may not seem to be sexy when you’re in the trenches, but it can and does become so, and much easier and more supportive, the more you exercise the transparency muscle.

There’s also an issue we’ve danced around here on transparency or “translucency” per Arjuna Ardagh (his book: The Translucent Revolution is a good read for folks interested in this – http://www.translucents.org).

As a therapist and later a coach privy to extreme secrets in people’s lives, I’ve had to be a secret-keeper for others even when choosing to live openly myself. Whether you’re a professional with privileged information or not, we all have other people’s secrets to treat with care and discretion.

P—’s example of her partner’s carefully constructed marital facade and her desire to bore through this to live in the open is one very useful example. Sometimes the urgency to live free causes us to say things that may feel right at the time but be inappropriate, because they are others’ secrets to keep, not ours to reveal.

I’m not speaking of P—’s situation in particular as I don’t know her, but of the many that are similar. For example, we might know that our partner has a sexual kink that she or he doesn’t want revealed in public. Or that they were involved in illegal activities as a teen. Or have a mentally ill family member. Or “secret” children from a youthful liason. None of these are our secrets to tell, no matter how bad the urge is to do so.

Example: I was married to a man who was a serial drug abuser. His alcoholism was well known, so in examining the ethics of our situation, his drinking was something I felt I could speak of when asked, without elaborating further on other things he would not want known. When I wrote my last book, our relationship figured mildly in the prologue as one of the prime motivators for changes I made.

It was necessary to describe the situation, but to do so in ways that didn’t betray the confidences he had entrusted me with.

Each of us needs to figure out what is fair, compassionate and ethical in revealing others’ personal details. It’s not something to treat in a cavalier manner or to decide upon in the heat of anger and the acrimony of relationship breakdown.

So much for personal secrets, but what about the “gory details” of the relationship itself?

Sometimes we think since we were there and it happened to us, that we have the right to publish. The he-said/she-said of anyone’s relationship is really no one else’s business, and is rarely illuminating or beneficial in public dissection. Certainly not for people who are striving to live a conscious life.

Why do people like to reveal “gory details” in public? It gives us emotional satisfaction for a variety of reasons. But not consciousness. Nor an open or transparent life. Never that.

You can see this in the current foofooraw surrounding Tiger Woods’ reported infidelity. Are you tired of hearing about this? Are you even interested? As I’ve observed, the less interest you have in this kind of thing, the more aware and conscious you tend to be. Now think on this – are any of the people in this situation conscious, or close to conscious? Much less living transparently?

I applaud the way Elizabeth is handling her divorce and teaching by sharing the universal themes around it without revealing intimate details. Well done, new friend, and I look forward to continued illumination.

To enhance your state of consciousness and life of transparency, choose compassionate discretion in the heat of the moment. You’ll thank yourself later on. If it ever becomes necessary, you can always share more down the line.

If a significant part of your life includes someone else’s secrets, to reveal them (especially without consent) is to be attached to both the secret/s and the outcome of your revelation. And to dive back down into unconscious living. If the person you’re in contention with wants to keep living unconsciously and under a facade, that’s their business and their right.

When we are beginning to live more consciously and out in the open, it’s important to remember that this is *our* choice – BUT – we do not have the right to make this choice for others. It hooks us into attachment which always takes us backwards.

Who’s for living life in truth, in the open and out loud? And what are your thoughts on “Fake Gurus”?

Two options for comments now: either below in the comment box OR – at the bottom of the page is an orange toolbar:  just click on the Facebook Community icon to post a reply to Facebook, and/or the Twitter icon to post to Twitter.

I’m happy to share this “3-in-One Easy” way to Get Your Point Of View Out There, while seamlessly creating content for your Facebook and Twitter pages AND being part of the ongoing conversation. I hope you enjoy it, and use it to share YOUR views! 

You may practice ETHOS, EFT, ZPoint, BSFF, EMDR, HeartMath or a variety of other energy therapies. You may practice as a psychotherapist, health educator or as a coach. But did you know that the energy psychology all these methods are based on has been researched and accepted by a number of professional organizations already?

(As a shoutout to my own Certified Energy Coaches – you need to know this, please read)

According to the author’s online course the tenets of his paper Energy Psychology: Review of the Preliminary Evidence, have been accepted by the National Board for Certified Counselors, Association of Social Work Boards, and the National Association for Alcohol and Drug Addiction Counselors. Great news!  Now if the APA (which is taken to task in the paper) would listen, we’d all be one big happy family.

What generative energy, space and consciousness would it take to have the techniques we all know work, accepted world-wide by the “powers that be”? What would it take to shift the axis away from those ultra-conservative organizations and individuals who would stifle, hold down and repress information that could, if they would only open to it, accelerate and advance not only their careers, but the results of every client they help?

Hmm…interesting thought… 

Here’s an abstract, with a follow link at the bottom. Read the whole paper. It really is most illuminating. And deep thanks to energy psychology pioneer Dr. David Feinstein for his wonderful work

Paper Abstract

Energy psychology utilizes imaginal and narrative-generated exposure, paired with interventions that reduce hyperarousal through acupressure and related techniques. According to practitioners, this leads to treatment outcomes that are more rapid, powerful, and precise than the strategies used in other exposure-based treatments such as relaxation or diaphragmatic breathing. The method has been exceedingly controversial. It relies on unfamiliar procedures adapted from non-Western cultures, posits unverified mechanisms of action, and early claims of unusual speed and therapeutic power ran far ahead of initial empirical support. This paper reviews a hierarchy of evidence regarding the efficacy of energy psychology, from anecdotal reports to randomized clinical trials. Although the evidence is still preliminary, energy psychology has reached the minimum threshold for being designated as an evidence-based treatment, with one form having met the APA Division 12 criteria as a “probably efficacious treatment” for specific phobias; another for maintaining weight loss. The limited scientific evidence, combined with extensive clinical reports, suggests that energy psychology holds promise as a rapid and potent treatment for a range of psychological conditions.

Read this paper here

About the Author:

Dr. Feinstein is a clinical psychologist who has done pioneering work in the areas of personal mythology and energy psychology. Author of 7 books and over 50 professional papers, he has taught at The Johns Hopkins University School of Medicine and Antioch College. His multi-media Energy Psychology Interactive self-study training program was a recipient of the Outstanding Contribution Award from the Association for Comprehensive Energy Psychology. He is a member of the American Psychological Association, and the Association for Comprehensive Energy Psychology. Connect to Dr. Feinstein at his website, here.

What is that furrow
on your brow,
a sigh of sorrow
imprinted on the skin?
What clings sullen
to the bone,
contracting your heart?

What do you fear,
have horror of,
long to forget,
despise and loathe
so much

that it leaves its
convoluted intent
on the roadmap
of your face?

And more importantly,
what do you REALLY desire?

Think on that and know:

That nothing is truly wrong.

Nothing is truly required of you,

but to live and be happy.

What is meant for you can never truly be lost,
because nothing can actually be lost.

Lost is a point of view,
a Limiting Belief.

Though forms may change,
everything always exists
for energy cannot be destroyed.

What is meant for you is still right in front of you.

Have you the eyes to see it?

Have you the ears to hear its message?

Have you the heart to feel its

fresh,

pure,

delicious energy…

pulling you forward?

If not…

Step aside,

into the Real You…

and continue the journey.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

* Travelogue: Been fueled on inspiration from the stunning Oregonian waterfalls this week on our tour of the Pacific Northwest. I snapped the above picture at Multnomah Falls prior to a hike where we got ecstatically drenched. The words rolled out during an intro on ETHOS that I taught in a community center shortly after that.  “Stepping aside” is ETHOS speak for stepping back inside our Unlimited Self – that energetic template of the ‘perfect you’ that we all started out in life, and that is still available to us. The ETHOS Method is a free, worldwide healing and consciousness tool that I created, and you can learn more about here.

And I found this really great resource for acupressure to deal with it. It’s easy to do and you can get a full tutorial at mind-energy.net by clicking the title:

Get rid of stuffed or running nose without drugs

Nasal congestion, stuffy nose, runny nose – these are common problems experienced by everyone, usually many times a year. We generally disregard it, if it’s on moderate levels but can get very annoyed when they are strong and require our attentions.

Yes, you could use a nasal spray to depress it for a while. But there are some problems with the sprays:

• First, they are drugs (chemicals), might have side effects and are somewhat addictive.
• Second, they cost money.
• Third, you should have it with you whenever your nose drives you mad. This might not be the case every time, since you have to buy it first, and then carry it with you whenever you go (work, for example).

When I was little, one of my grandmothers has taught my father and me a very simple point massage technique that relieves nasal congestion fast and effectively, without leaving the bitter taste in your mouth. I wanted to share it with you….

Click here to go to the rest of the article with pictures & tutorial

One of the things that I’ve truly “gotten” on my hiatus is that I have not allowed myself enough down-time and really need some quality unplugging. No computer, no tv, getting back to a spare, but rich, non-tech lifestyle. Accordingly, for the entire month of April, but for the master class in ETHOS I’m doing for Adela Rubio:

http://selfcaremastery.com/maryam

and a radio interview I’m doing for Connecting Women, I will be completely offline AND off email – our offices, help desk and all connection outlets will be closed.

I’d like to share a lesson from this that I have learned as it will be beneficial for anyone to think about. That is, we have many yardsticks in our lives – many ways of measuring the shoulds and musts. And though we may have come to the point of removing the words “should” and “must” from our vocabulary, those very ideas exist in our molecular structure as strong encodings.

In my case, the coding was around “I *should* be able to rest from a week of work in the two days of the weekend and be okay” and “I *should* be able to  work during the day from 9-5 as others do”.

But my system is not set up that way – it never has  been. I’m an owl, not a lark. A small percentage of the extremely creative (some call them “renaissance people”) have biorhythms that predispose them to work at their best, and to high proficiency on a variety of topics, later in the day. Voltaire, DaVinci, Michelangelo, Tesla and Bill Clinton are among those whose bodies also favored a night-owl lifestyle. I work best in the late afternoon and evening, sleep around 6 – 7 hours at most (7 is almost too much and 8 is definitely oversleeping) and usually work on several projects at once by preference. And I need more than two days to be “off” on the weekend.

My long-suffering workhorse parents despaired of me ever being respectable in the sleep department. I happily created in the wee hours, even as a child. Well-meaning though it was, they used every moral imperative to suggest that I was not a righteous person for being a night-owl and if I kept up “these shenanigans” I would not mature into a good upstanding citizen. Mother consulted Reverend Pegues when I was seven over this perceived fault, with the result that I was awakened every morning at 6am without fail to pray and read the Bible before school in the hopes of rehabilitating my wayward biorhythms.

It didn’t work. I slept through third period in school, refusing to be rousted, and stayed up at night until my body told me it was time to sleep. It exasperated Mother no end, but she finally gave up and when she saw that I was doing cool things – nature photography and essays in philosophy at that point.  She even briefly catered to my 10pm dinner habit  and harbored hopes that I might turn into Imogen Cunningham. No such luck though.

In the intervening years, I’ve found it’s always best to do what my body tells me it needs. When I do that, I am never sick or tired, and am always at my best and sharpest.

Late last year however,  though it was a relatively minor thing, I fell prey again to the moralizing of others around my natural biorhythms and tried to be early-to-bed-early-to-rise to join with a group of yoga friends who were all early risers and determined to make me one as well. And I mean, sunrise type early, greeting the day with Surya Namaskar as the sun crested the local Diablo hills.

The result was that I became out of sorts and was tired quite a lot which is very unusual for me. And even though I love writing more than life itself sometimes, computers, Twitter and email began to irritate me severely. These were cardinal signs to me that I was not honoring my body’s needs and was one of the ingredients in my decision to take a hiatus from business in January.

I naievely thought that my break would begin in January, but no, tying up ends so I actually could take a break took well into February. Then a conference came in March with heavy email, Twitter involvement and text messaging before and after, pushing things even further out.

So drop-dead earnest here, April is my month off. Completely away from the computer. Even cellphone. Don’t send me an EM, IM, DM, TxT or Skypee because I’m nailing the keyboard to the desk upside down and locking the mouse in a drawer. Not kidding.

I’m taking this unplugged break both for my own self-care and health, as well as research for an interesting article, or it might even be a book that I am writing. It keeps extending itself so it could well be the next book. <grin> More much later about that though.

The Moral of the Story Is… that there is no moral imperative around what the body needs. Each of us is wonderfully diverse in our unique makeup.  We all have slightly to profoundly different needs for food, water, sunshine or darkness, sleep or waking, downtime,  romance-time, exercise and alone-time.

That old biblical verse about the plank in your own eye comes to bear here. If someone in your life isn’t configured the same way you are don’t bring your judgements against them. Take care of your own needs and support each other to extreme and joyous acts of self-care, no matter what the hands on the clock say, no matter how different you might be to each others.

Diversity is what makes the world go ’round, be interesting and create genius.

Meanwhile, have a *beautiful* and *joyous* spring!

With Love,
Maryam

(For 3-way Natural No-Junk Deodorant recipe, scroll to the bottom)

In my unending quest for a natural, junk-and-aluminum-free deodorant, I’ve tried them all. None work past a few hours which is basically what I would get with soap and water alone. Recently a friend clued me to the otherwise-pristine Tom’s Of Maine product, “Natural Long-Lasting Care 12 Hour Odor Protection Aluminum-Free Deodorant Stick”. This stick smells like Lemondrop candy and contains both lemongrass and hops to inhibit odor-causing bacteria. And it works like a charm, up into the next day.

But wait a minute shoppers, the first ingredient is propylene glycol, which is a potential poison. Propylene Glycol is chemically related to ethylene glycol, the syrupy ingredient in antifreeze and is used as a less-toxic antifreeze itself – it’s that pink stuff you’ve seen hosed over your winter flight to de-ice wings of the plane.

Saving lives that way = great. But “PG” as it is often noted in ingredient listings, has been directly implicated in cases of iatrogenic renal toxicity (1) when used as a carrier for intravenous solutions. And skin contact causes “…moderate skin irritation. Contact with the skin may cause erythema, dryness, and defatting” (multiply this if you apply deodorant directly after shaving) with chronic use causing “reproductive and fetal effects. Laboratory experiments have resulted in mutagenic effects. Exposure to large doses may cause central nervous system depression…” (2)

Odd that this substance would turn up in products destined for the most delicate skin on our bodies! PG is used to make a stick deodorant solidify. Hey Tom’s – if you’re listening, what about vegetable glycerine or Zimea as a substitute for propylene glycol? Or ANYTHING but this unnatural substance? Derived from natural gas though you say it is, it’s not something I want on my body.

And if you’re going with “The Crystal” in solid or spray form, be aware that it contains potassium alum, a salt of aluminum, so you’re still getting aluminum under your arms.

While the Tom’s deodorant doesn’t thankfully carry alum or parabens, many so-called “natural” deodorants do. Parabens are an even more toxic substance. Methyl, ethyl and propyl paraben are common preservatives in many cosmetics and have been implicated in breast cancer (3, 4) as they mimic the action of estrogen, which has been implicated in breast tumor growth.

From a great article from Dr. Kris McGrath which has great graphic of lymph proliferation into breast tissue at: http://bit.ly/y0kVT

“In a recent study 18 of 20 breast tumors contained parabens (synthetic preservatives) found in underarm products. Parabens mimic estrogen, and estrogen can drive tumor growth (Journal of Applied Toxicology, February, 2004).

The underarm is a gateway to the lymphatic system, which is an essential part of the immune system, and helps the body fight infection and diseases such as cancer”

Okay, so what can we do about all this who want a deodorant and don’t want to pay the poisonous piper? Either find a viable commercial option, or make your own! I’ve made my own deodorant for ages and while it’s not a perfect solution, if you’re worried about breast toxicity, it’s worthwhile to experiment. Recipes follow, but first…

Dr. McGrath whom quoted above, writes for a site that I’ve just been in contact with, TerraNaturals.

The formulary and owner, Tanya Workman, assures me her products contain NO PG, NO Parabens and NO aluminum or other unhappy junk. Just what do they contain and how do they work? That’s a really interesting topic! I interviewed Tanya and that will be the subject of a new article. But in the meantime, if you’d like to look, research or purchase, you can do that by clicking the banner above, OR, make your own.

Auntie M’s Natural Deodorant Recipe

Please understand that with any natural deodorant you may need to re-apply partway through your day for maximum effect. This may be a hassle, but it beats the living shit out of having breast cancer. My sympathies for those who find this a “bore” are on par with my sympathies with those who find drinking lots of water to be inconvenient because god-forbid, they might have to pee. ‘Nuff said.

Caveat: Essential oils are strong by themselves and must be used sparingly on human skin. NEVER ingest essential oils. Mix ONLY 6 drops of any of the following organic essential oils, or use any two in combination. These oils are universally regarded as safe and non-irritating in low concentrations but your mileage may vary, so be sensitive to your own reactions. Including vegetable glycerine where noted below will soothe skin and minimize irritation.

Anti-Bacterial /Anti-Odor Oils:
cedar, clary sage, cypress, lavender, lemon, lemongrass, orange, rosewood, sandalwood, tea tree, thyme

A good mix is clary sage, lemon, tea tree and lavender. Another is lemongrass, tea tree, cypress, cedar & sandalwood. Or a simple mixture of lavender and tea tree. Try different mixtures for yourself and see which you like.

Add 1/8tsp Vitamin E oil, or pierce two Vitamin E oil capsules and add to the oil mix. Vitamin E is a stabilizer and will act to preserve the essential oil mix. You could also use benzoin tincture if you are going with an alcohol base.

For a Spray:

Add the oil mixture to 1/2 cup vodka or Everclear alcohol and put in a spray bottle. Mix in a few drops of vegetable glycerine and a tablespoon of water. Shake well each time you use.

For a Powder:

Mix oils into 1/2 cup cornstarch and 1/2 cup baking soda thoroughly with a fork. Baking soda is a deodorizer and neutralizes the acids that odor-causing bacteria secrete. Cornstarch is now recommended over talc as a body powder as it causes no lung complications if inhaled, and is what is found in commercial baby powders. Caution: don’t use baby powder as it contains other chemicals you and baby don’t need! Plain, inexpensive cornstarch from the grocery store works just fine.

Place the soda, cornstarch, essential oil mixture into an clean spice container with a shaker top and shake well before each use. Wash underarms, pat dry and apply deodorant with a powder puff, or dry hands.

For a Deodorant Cream:

If you want a slightly wetter mixture, or deodorant the consistency of a cream, make the powder version and add vegetable glycerine or a good organic facial cold cream by the teaspoon, blending with a fork until desired consistency is achieved. This will be more moisturizing on the delicate skin of the armpit. Stop just short of the point where mixture would become too greasy for comfort.

When using this version it can be sticky. You can powder the cream down with plain cornstarch or make a special fragrant powder with a few drops of sandalwood or ylang-ylang, for the purpose. The cream form is ideal for putting into a container and taking with you for re-use throughout your day. Great form for taking to the gym, along with a small shaker of deodorant powder.

BTW, all of these recipes work well on feet, too!

My two good friends, Australian  EFT Master Coaches Steve Wells and Dr. David Lake sent the below about the situation in Australia since the recent firestorm. I present their words unedited with permission. This has been a massive shock to the entire country – please give generously if you feel moved to do so.

Message from Steve Wells
I’m sure you will all know by now – some of you quite personally – that over the past several days bushfires have been burning throughout Victoria in south-eastern Australia and other parts of our country. These fires, some of which are still burning out of control, have resulted in incredible devastation and trauma, with around 200 people confirmed dead, and expected to top 300. Thousands have lost their homes, and entire towns have been destroyed – and this comes on the top of massive floods throughout Queensland in the north east of Australia which have also caused loss of life and massive devastation.

Nobody who watches the news and hears the stories of people of people affected by these disasters could possibly fail to be affected by the overwhelming nature of the human tragedy which has unfolded in front of our eyes. To say nothing of the massive environmental cost.

For me, some of the most overwhelming scenes have been where people have come together to offer practical and emotional support for those that have lost their homes, families, and friends. I saw one woman crying as she was completely overwhelmed by the generosity extended to her by complete strangers freely offering her clothing as she had nothing.

The best parts of the Australian spirit are on show right here in the midst of this tragedy for the whole world to see, as people respond with compassion and care to the suffering of their mates.

Many people are asking: How can I help?

The best thing that most of us can do right now (if you haven’t already) is to dig deep and give money or other practical assistance through the various appeals being held. Many people have been astounded at the generosity being shown both within Australia and abroad, let’s really show what we can do. Click on this link to the Australian Red Cross bushfire appeal and add your donation to others that are reaching out to help the families and communities affected by this crisis:

https://www.redcross.org.au/Donations/onlineDonations.asp

Other immediate ways you can help such as donating blood, offering accommodation, donating clothing and other goods, volunteering your time and other options, are outlined at the Our Community website at:

http://www.ourcommunity.com.au/giving/giving_article.jsp?article Id=4026

The next best thing that most of us, especially those who are far away, can do, is to start tapping! I’ve been contacted by people who want to help the sufferers but haven’t realised that they themselves are suffering as they have been vicariously traumatised from watching the news telecasts. I hear it in their stressed voices, and read between the lines of their emails. It is impossible for most people to see footage of people and communities who have lost so much without being affected by the pain they’re going through. I encourage them – and you – to tap on your own feelings and reactions. Tap for the sadness and grief, anger (at those who lit many of the fires), and any other emotions which well up in you, or creep up over time, especially as you watch the news broadcasts. Then, if there is a chance for you to help more directly at least your emotional reactions won’t get in the way and hinder relief efforts.

Shouldn’t we be going out there and tapping with the bushfire victims?

Mostly, no. Their greatest need right now is for practical assistance from those in the front line, and the support of their families and friends. If you really want to help more directly, the best way is to get involved in the coordinated relief efforts. You can register your willingness to provide volunteer assistance with the Victorian Government using the form on the Our Community site link above. As they say: “… you may not be contacted immediately as agencies are concentrating on volunteers who are already trained and accredited, but you will be contacted in the future with details on how you can volunteer.”

From Dr. David Lake

After I had written the above I received a copy of an email Dr. David Lake had sent to a friend. It sums up the situation perfectly, so with his permission I’m including it here:

“It is a huge country but the scale of the devastation now matches the size; people refer to a “firestorm”, which is an accurate description of what happened. This is a very rare event. Sometimes the firestorm swept through miles of houses and melted metal in several minutes!!

Communities and the country are rallying around those most affected and opening their hearts and wallets.

I saw on TV an old lady of 90 who said “I knew I was in trouble when dead birds fell out of a clear sky on to my verandah”. Miraculously, many survived when it seemed hopeless, while others made a dash by car and perished (when usually this would be a good strategy). One man went back in the aftermath of the devastation and found his letterbox still standing in a vast vista of only ash and black stumps. Inside was an intact bill from the phone utility. “I’m not paying that!” he sniffed–a popular decision according to the onlookers.

I can’t really imagine what some of those people have suffered, but one counselling expert rightly said in the paper today: “Don’t come to the area if you have counselling experience. The people don’t need this right now. They will need you much later, after their basic needs for shelter and food have been supplied and their families secured. This is not the counselling room–it is a disaster area”. First things first.

Certainly it is bringing out the “mateship” in Australia, which was founded by resilient and sharing people…

see http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mateship

As David says, much of the real work and the opportunity for to help with tapping will come later, once the acute part of this crisis has passed. Meantime, you can help by making a donation now at:

https://www.redcross.org.au/Donations/onlineDonations.asp

Best wishes,
Steve Wells (and Dr. David Lake)

Friendship and love, even across species. This is what it looks like. Check your heart when you look at this picture…that’s what it feels like. (see below for more)

It always amazes me when I meet people who won’t cosy up to another human being, who won’t accept help, whose stiff-necked pride depends on being “completely, totally independent”.  I used to see that a lot back when I was a social worker. And even today, in some who would consider it beneath them to accept a helping hand, or others who won’t reach out to their networks when they really need to.

Now I enjoy my financial independence, being an independent thinker and things like that, but will I accept a hug, a friendly nuzzle or a helping hand?  Oh, you betcha! And revel in the close-knit communities I enjoy being part of.

Come on, folks. It’s the holidays. If you really need to, and even if you don’t – reach out, please. You’ll be doing someone else the immense favor of allowing them the extreme blessing of giving, and yourself the equal blessing of receiving.  No perps, no victims – it’s an equal exchange. Think about it.

Ask  your mom or maiden aunt for a hug. Get your dad to help you check your tires or change a lightbulb. Sincerely ask a colleague’s opinion on your latest product or business thought. ‘Tis the season of giving, so give that blessing to others.

In that, we can all stand to learn a thing or two from our animal friends. The first thing we can all do with more of that this pair of buddies has down: friendship and love – even across different species. Thanks to Certified Energy Coach Carol Sanderell for sending this beautiful photo essay and heartwarming story of the fawn Finchen and her wild rabbit companion seen above.

The full essay (in  both German and English) with loads of pictures can be found here: http://www.tanja-askani.de/ Talk about magic, communication and inspiration! If you’re a big softie like me, you’ll cry tears of joy. Check out her other photos of interspecies communication.  Warm your cockles for darn sure.