Everyday Bliss

I’m back from my email hiatus…just barely.

I’m quasi-back from my six week hiatus from email though not back in the office. What I deduced is that I need far more time offline, off email and incubating the juicy things bubbling on the back and middle burners in my life. On the front burner? Family, friends, real experiences (ie; offline, in the real world, like sand squishing between my toes and taking a whole hour to follow the flightpath of just one gull at the beach) and very long bouts of meditation. Lots more swimming. Softness of mittie ears rubbing affectionately against my ankles in the bower. Sunshine and moonlight. Yes.

Others are experiencing this need to unplug, in increasing amounts. The more I enjoyed my own vacation from electronical the more people began to gripe about it. Two items on the news the day I came back to watching a little limited tv – one on having teens unplug their cells and computers for 10 days (the teens actually recommended it to their peers) and another on “Staycation my ass, I’m saving up to go to freakin’ HAWAII. I DESERVE IT.” by an employee (one of many) on the edge. Scary, kids, but not all that unusual. We’re fed up, had it and not about to take anymore.

Here’s some help. Alex Fayle is guest writing on Men With Pens. He’s doing good work teaching soloprenurs to unplug and take real vacations. Read his sage words, they make sense. Then drop down and see what Byron Kati has to say below this:

First Alex’s blog post: http://bit.ly/17WE3W

And another, from which I quote: “frickin’ learn to delegate!” http://bit.ly/2Y0vvu

Then proceed on to a fix Alex offers in the form of inspiring emails designed to get you relaxing and recreating no matter where you are: http://bit.ly/8va00

“But Maryam, I *can’t* just uproot my life and go, what would people think??!”

I’m now getting this on a regular basis from coaching clients who just can’t see their way clear to making time for themselves. “What are you, meshugginah? Crazy? I got stuff to do and people to see. It would hurt my business if they thought I was being a slacker or a flake by taking time off for myself. That’s nuts!”  Sometimes it takes a doctor telling them to chill out or face a double bypass.

Or we could all just truly listen to our bodies.

Are you listening to your body? To your heart? Are heart and head in congruence?

Byron Katie has some interesting words that parallel my experience on this. She says that another person’s opinion of you is never personal, because it’s not really about you, it’s totally about them.

What YOU think and feel about things is about you and is my business. And what someone else thinks and feels is THEIR business. If I get upset about how you feel about me, I’m minding your business. And if I’m minding in your business, how can I be conscious, alive and present to my own life and business? The answer is that I can’t.

So ask yourself again, can you let go of others opinions of you? And if so, when?

Can you listen to the subtle voices of your body, and heart before they become the scream of the ambulance siren? When?

And anything that wouldn’t allow that to happen, you can uncreate, dissolve and release. Pulse your three cues:

yes-yes-yes-yes-yes-yes-yes…seeing the rose opening its petals to all possibility…feeling the delicious deep relaxation sweeping over you and clearing the way to manifesting magic in your life.

What other wild, wonderful, wacky and delicious things are possible?

Remember, there are no limits…

One of the things that I’ve truly “gotten” on my hiatus is that I have not allowed myself enough down-time and really need some quality unplugging. No computer, no tv, getting back to a spare, but rich, non-tech lifestyle. Accordingly, for the entire month of April, but for the master class in ETHOS I’m doing for Adela Rubio:

http://selfcaremastery.com/maryam

and a radio interview I’m doing for Connecting Women, I will be completely offline AND off email – our offices, help desk and all connection outlets will be closed.

I’d like to share a lesson from this that I have learned as it will be beneficial for anyone to think about. That is, we have many yardsticks in our lives – many ways of measuring the shoulds and musts. And though we may have come to the point of removing the words “should” and “must” from our vocabulary, those very ideas exist in our molecular structure as strong encodings.

In my case, the coding was around “I *should* be able to rest from a week of work in the two days of the weekend and be okay” and “I *should* be able to  work during the day from 9-5 as others do”.

But my system is not set up that way – it never has  been. I’m an owl, not a lark. A small percentage of the extremely creative (some call them “renaissance people”) have biorhythms that predispose them to work at their best, and to high proficiency on a variety of topics, later in the day. Voltaire, DaVinci, Michelangelo, Tesla and Bill Clinton are among those whose bodies also favored a night-owl lifestyle. I work best in the late afternoon and evening, sleep around 6 – 7 hours at most (7 is almost too much and 8 is definitely oversleeping) and usually work on several projects at once by preference. And I need more than two days to be “off” on the weekend.

My long-suffering workhorse parents despaired of me ever being respectable in the sleep department. I happily created in the wee hours, even as a child. Well-meaning though it was, they used every moral imperative to suggest that I was not a righteous person for being a night-owl and if I kept up “these shenanigans” I would not mature into a good upstanding citizen. Mother consulted Reverend Pegues when I was seven over this perceived fault, with the result that I was awakened every morning at 6am without fail to pray and read the Bible before school in the hopes of rehabilitating my wayward biorhythms.

It didn’t work. I slept through third period in school, refusing to be rousted, and stayed up at night until my body told me it was time to sleep. It exasperated Mother no end, but she finally gave up and when she saw that I was doing cool things – nature photography and essays in philosophy at that point.  She even briefly catered to my 10pm dinner habit  and harbored hopes that I might turn into Imogen Cunningham. No such luck though.

In the intervening years, I’ve found it’s always best to do what my body tells me it needs. When I do that, I am never sick or tired, and am always at my best and sharpest.

Late last year however,  though it was a relatively minor thing, I fell prey again to the moralizing of others around my natural biorhythms and tried to be early-to-bed-early-to-rise to join with a group of yoga friends who were all early risers and determined to make me one as well. And I mean, sunrise type early, greeting the day with Surya Namaskar as the sun crested the local Diablo hills.

The result was that I became out of sorts and was tired quite a lot which is very unusual for me. And even though I love writing more than life itself sometimes, computers, Twitter and email began to irritate me severely. These were cardinal signs to me that I was not honoring my body’s needs and was one of the ingredients in my decision to take a hiatus from business in January.

I naievely thought that my break would begin in January, but no, tying up ends so I actually could take a break took well into February. Then a conference came in March with heavy email, Twitter involvement and text messaging before and after, pushing things even further out.

So drop-dead earnest here, April is my month off. Completely away from the computer. Even cellphone. Don’t send me an EM, IM, DM, TxT or Skypee because I’m nailing the keyboard to the desk upside down and locking the mouse in a drawer. Not kidding.

I’m taking this unplugged break both for my own self-care and health, as well as research for an interesting article, or it might even be a book that I am writing. It keeps extending itself so it could well be the next book. <grin> More much later about that though.

The Moral of the Story Is… that there is no moral imperative around what the body needs. Each of us is wonderfully diverse in our unique makeup.  We all have slightly to profoundly different needs for food, water, sunshine or darkness, sleep or waking, downtime,  romance-time, exercise and alone-time.

That old biblical verse about the plank in your own eye comes to bear here. If someone in your life isn’t configured the same way you are don’t bring your judgements against them. Take care of your own needs and support each other to extreme and joyous acts of self-care, no matter what the hands on the clock say, no matter how different you might be to each others.

Diversity is what makes the world go ’round, be interesting and create genius.

Meanwhile, have a *beautiful* and *joyous* spring!

With Love,
Maryam