Everyday Bliss

…Being a tutorial on How To Know You’re Being Scammed, How To Avoid Being Scammed & How To Make Lemonade In a Poor Learning Environment

PART I:

Amanda sounded-off on the previous post saying:

“I have heard several free teleseminars, and signed up for the $97 package….her offering was misrepresented (she apologized for that, but claimed no responsibility)…and essentially tells those of us who signed up that because we received such a large discount, we’re not getting the same benefits that her private clients get, AND if you really want the results that she promises, you need to sign up for the next level, at considerably higher cost.

I have learned many valuable tools but…I guess I’m feeling the “once bitten, twice shy” thing. I think the work is very valuable, …it just seems that some folks are working out of integrity, and then I’m left with the self-judgment of having made yet another “interesting” choice…”

First of all, THANK YOU Amanda for bringing up a number of issues here, that I think are  worth a more extended response, some talk about what fair and unfair is, and some general education that coaches, speakers, teachers and others who conduct information-based businesses really wish the general public knew.

I hope the following is helpful not just to Amanda, but everyone who has ever felt gypped, cheated, taken advantage of or used by someone selling a service. And on our side of the fence, every coach, therapist or other kind of teacher who has put their heart and soul into a product only to be told they stink, their product or training stinks and it’s not worth either the buyer’s time or what was paid for it.

The below is meant with respect, to educate.

And sometimes that takes hard truths.

Plus, there’s a lot that goes into running a coaching,
therapy or speaking business that you don’t know about, that bears on the decisions and behavior you’re seeing.

Put your dander in park.

Enjoy the ride.

The Map Is Not The Territory…

This NLP presupposition is particularly apropos when talking about He Said/She Said and other Point Of View type of situations.

The consumer has their point of view “I’ve been screwed” but the vendor has their own point of view too, which ranges from “I truly care about my customers and clients, I’ve done my best to explain the product and will deal fairly with them in whatever they need. ” to the less prosiac: “Screw the customer.”

Crappy trainings, constant annoying/unskillful upsell and dismissive teachers infatuated with their own mystique and the observations Amanda made about her experience  are the “elephant in the middle of the room” in the world of coaches and other service professionals. There are both unscrupulous people involved in selling their wares, as well as people who think they know what they’re talking about …. and simply don’t. And who just don’t get it. And who pass that not getting it on to an unsuspecting public.

Unfortunately, Amanda seems to have gotten one of these. I’m sorry Amanda, that you had that kind of experience. But having had that experience, you’ve actually come out more a winner than you know.

More about that below. But first to address everyone:

On the flip side of the disgruntled buyer situation, there’s the customer having unrealistic expectations of the class or product, or not knowing what they’re signing up for because they didn’t do the homework, or didn’t read the sales page entirely, check the guarantee or ask hard questions of the trainers before buying.

Each side of this equation has valid points, but there is a commonality: Education and communication. These are the key factors in why a training is perceived as “bad” after the fact or a customer feels scammed. This resolves into three categories:

1.  Either the teacher didn’t tell the prospective students what to expect

2. The teacher is lying (call it “creative accounting” if you will – amounts to the same thing)

3. The student expected much more than was ever on the table, and didn’t check those expectations out before they bought-in.

Let’s examine all sides of this equation. I’ll also give you some real Coaching Tips and a Cure for this problem you can implement immediately…

I’ll come out front and say I’ve been in situations, trainers/coaches/healers/etc. like this before myself. Several times early in my coaching training I took marketing trainings that ranged from decent to sucky. The suckier ones of these were inevitably given by someone who barely knew what they were talking about themself, or a self-styled “guru” who was too full of themself to care about their students once the money was in the bank.

While I’ve for the most part stopped taking such trainings, I do like to have a refresher every now and then. So earlier this year I participated in a training that had me rolling my eyes at the lack of integrity.

Like the training Amanda referenced, (though costing in the several-thousands) this program was very content-light and aimed at beginners when advertised (and sold to me) as advanced, the “guru” was rarely there when advertised as the main teacher, and she left the teaching to incompetent subordinates who simply read from the pdfs. Ugh. The training was definitely set up to be a clearing house for the even-more-expensive program the person was offering and heavily promoted throughout. And…the guru and her teachers seemed surprised that more of us didn’t want to buy into the next training. That always has astounded me, that you would give a shitty training, not look at your feedback forms to KNOW that it was shitty, then be surprised people aren’t begging for more.

I asked the hard questions before buying as well, and can’t call it anything but what it was. Her organization blatantly lied to me and to others I spoke with about the nature and scope of the training. NOT Attractive!

Gurus, this is for you:

WHY on earth would you lie to a prospective customer who is clearly not in your demographic, or on the flip side, who doesn’t have the funds to pay your fees – even the least expensive ones?

Are you THAT BROKE with all your cars, expensive art, the  house in the country and the other one in the City and your elite Diamond and Platinum clients (that you constantly tout)  that you need to deceive people?

Because that’s how this kind of behavior comes off. And it ain’t cool. Not even close.

It’s downright chilly.

And as  karma is a very real force, I’m issuing a challenge to you to STEP UP, tell the Truth, even if it means losing customers. You’ll make a good friend and earn good-karma points by sending them to the people you know who DO offer what they need.

Oh and also don’t wait for things to get better as I did. I wanted to ask for my money back after the first week, when I found the “guru” wasn’t to be present in our actual class meetings. But I thought “wait and see”. I want to give everyone the benefit of the doubt. So I let it go too long and the “ask for a refund by this date” blew past me. If you get that icky feeling in the pit of your stomach – pull out and ask for a refund immediately. Learn from my mistake please.

So yes, I get it.

Speaking as a business owner….taking responsibility for everything in my business, A-Z is the ONLY thing I can do and remain in integrity. I can pass some jobs off to other people who do them better than me (and do!) but the buck stops with me, the business owner. You too, I bet.

I’ve fluffed it with my students before and done my best to make it up to them. Sometimes due to family issues or pressures of writing a book or producing an intensely-engaging product, I’ve let commitments to my students slide. And mostly, they’ve understood, gone “Uh, hello – we’re here and we need help” and that’s all it took for me to get back to them. If you’re at this place in a training, schedule a one-on-one with the teacher and let them know they’re letting you down.

BUT CAVEAT EMPTOR: BUYER BEWARE.  BE SURE FIRST – that you have a reasonable expectation of a seller’s behavior and what you should be getting (what was promised) out of the product or program. If you were promised a private session with the guru and it hasn’t come to pass, call them on it. If you EXPECT an hour (or more) of coaching and only half an hour was promised – don’t go there. Be reasonable.

“When In Frustration” Coaching Tip:

On the flipside…when you’re dealing with little to no content, upsell-upsell-upsell and blah answers to your serious questions…it’s not very attractive, is it? Pisses you off. But, despite all that, those of us who have gone through this kind of experience have a really good filter set to tell those without integrity from those  we’d like better.

Take that filtering you gained, as a GOOD OUTCOME of this experience, along with the valuable tools you did learn.

Remember where in your body you FELT IT when you realized you’d been had. Then if you go for another opportunity like this, check in with that part of the body not once but several times before you make your final decision. This kind of thing happens no matter what the price of the intro product is. It’s the quality of the teacher involved, not the price point. Vote with your feet in such cases.

Amanda shares:“She tells us because we received such a large discount, we’re not getting the same benefits that her private clients get…”

Well that’s just dandy, isn’t it? It almost sounds like a “neener, neener, you can’t have any” when I’ll bet what she meant to do was entice you into buying up to the private client level. So your coach really doesn’t know how to communicate correctly. Not only did she misrepresent the benefits, but had crappy delivery. You’re miffed and I understand that.  You bought the product and by gosh, you wanted those results promised on the sales page! Fair enough.

I don’t know how the product was offered, if you were offered a choice of three tiers on the page and chose the least expensive, or just how it went down. But Communication is the issue here. Often a tiered stack is how such offers will be presented. Here’s how most of us do this, either in a sales page or through a sales conversation with someone:

“Inexpensive Package A gets these benefits ( typically followed by a bullet point list). Medium-range Package B gets all the benefits of Package A PLUS the following bullet-point list of extras. Expensive Package C gets all the benefits in A and B and ALSO these following bullet pointed benefits.”

That way, there are no mistakes, and your buyer knows exactly what they’re getting.

The Responsible Position, or, what your coach didn’t do:
As a business owner, if I realized I screwed up and people were disgruntled, I’d give them their money back and say so long if that’s what they wanted. I’ve done this when weirdness has happened and it’s always the best policy. No harm, no foul. Particularly if misrepresentation is on the table, you’ve every right to ask for your money back.

Also as the business owner, I’d want if possible, to repair relations with the disgruntled person, and if not, to have their angry energy out of my environment as soon as possible.

If you’re a coach, teacher or other service provider in such as situation – give back the money. Trust me, you NEVER need money like this. It’s poison that will contaminate the energy of your business.

Give it up.

However….let’s look at the other side of this equation – Outcome Expectancy.

On this side of the fence, the consumer can equally be responsible for what happens in a buying transaction. Lets  float an analogy of vendors at the county fair. After hearing a vendor extol the virtues of his apple PIE, a customer passes the pie counter, picks up and pays for a single APPLE….but  in his own mind for whatever reason, EXPECTS to get the entire PIE.

The vendor, happy with making an apple sale, adds value by caramel coating the apple, and  kicks in a coupon for a dollar off a whole pie. The vendor sees this as an “I’m being nice” upgrade.

The customer, due to their Outcome Expectancy of wanting the whole $20 pie for the 50¢ apple price, sees this as a scam and tells all their friends “The Apple Pie guy took my money and didn’t give me what I paid for!”

The sign in front of the apples says “Apples, 50¢”.  The vendor took 50¢ from the customer. That’s pretty transparent. So why does the anger happen on the customer’s part? He made assumptions way beyond the scope of the product’s stated worth or intrinsic value.

Ok, so this is a silly analogy, but you get the point and can extrapolate out to things you might have bought and been dissatisfied with.

Let’s just say this is the case with a product like a $97 taster sample of what that coach had to offer. It was fully explained on the sales page, the upscale training was also explained in a series of bullet points as outlined above.

Any training inexpensive as $97 is BOTH a complete training in – whatever facet of the major topic it is designed to address – PLUS a “taster” of the coach’s services should you wish to engage them at a deeper level. But it’s NO WAY meant to be a full training in the entire scope of the topic, A-Z.  That’s what the higher level trainings are for. You jump in, get your feet wet and if you like what you’ve learned, you level-up and get more info. This is the “college approach” where you take English 101 before English 201, 301, 401 & 501. Same idea. Such trainings are incremental and build on each other.

This common laddering of skills learning should not be seen as “scamming” by the public unless the trainer really poorly communicates this concept.

Let’s say the coach is on the up & up with this, and has fairly represented themself from the beginning.

But the buyer wants more and ASSUMES that ALL their needs will be fulfilled by the cheaper option. Well you know that old saying about assuming so I won’t repeat it here. Suffice to say before you buy, do a REALITY CHECK.

Coaching Questions To Ask Yourself:

1) Why am I buying this product?
2) What do I hope to get out of it?
3) Does what I want to get and my eventual goal match up to the description of the training or product?

if not…then consider another purchase.  If you STILL feel you should be getting a huge pretty package of more stuff than advertised for that price then…

Some tough love:

When you pay $97 for a cut-price hotel room do you complain to the manager because you weren’t given the honeymoon suite?  No, of course not. If you’d got the honeymoon suite for $97 you’d wonder what the heck was wrong with the room.

(I’d probably be checking the closet for Mother at this point)

The honeymoon suite, just like any premium level product, contains much more care lavished on it at greater expense – personal attention from an assigned wait-person, much bigger space and more amenities, an in-room spa, nicer bed, assorted extra food and toiletry items and so on. You’d expect to pay more for a premium product like that and be suspicious if the honeymoon suite were offered to you for peanuts. (as well you should be)

Ditto a premium priced coaching program where the coach spends more time on her clients, gives them extra insider secrets, or a private phone line to contact her with, or advanced training or free live events etc. that those who pay for lesser products don’t get.

You get what you pay for, and shouldn’t expect the Premium Product for a relatively cheap investment. And yes, the $47 or $97 class is a relatively cheap investment.

I’m not talking to anyone in particular here, but IF this speaks to your sentiments….why would you be miffed at not getting what a coach’s premium clients get for the substantially cheaper fee you paid for a reduced-service product?

Would you expect your doctor or dentist to give you such a steep discount? No. Don’t expect it of any business coach, therapist or other service provider. It disrespects the provider and yourself too.

Does that cheese you off?  Get Over It.  This is How authors, coaches, speakers, healers, therapists and everyone else, online or off, make a living.

If you’re a subscriber of mine & think we should be giving the product of our hard work, hearts and souls away for cheap or free – please unsubscribe from my list right this minute. You’ll be doing us both a favor.

And..this is why like many coaches, I do joint ventures with organizations like Maestro Conference and people like Linda Pannell, Lisa Garr, Debra Thompson,  Adela Rubio, Ellen Britt, Michelle Skaletski Boyd and Tom Buford to name a few. Folks who offer free teachings to anyone who can pick up a phone or listen on computer.

So that there is an option for folks who are cash-strapped.

So that there is a range of offers for all ends of the spectrum. And I pack that option as full of value for the short time we’re together as I pack my longer paid programs.

I Do Not however, serve the gratitude-free.

Neither should you.

TWO Coaching Tips:
Before purchase, ASK EVERY QUESTION YOU NEED TO about a product, the guarantee for that product, what exact parts the product contains and so on.

If you expected marketing training out of a basic EFT course and didn’t check it out, that would be one example of an incorrect assumption & expectation plus failure to verify parameters of the deal. DO. NOT. ASSUME.

So if you didn’t ask, your bad. If the vendor didn’t take every opportunity to clarify the parameters to you – their bad.

I personally have been on both sides of this, so yes I can speak to both the customer and the vendor bit. We’re all learning, making mistakes (there is no failure, only feedback – remember?) and growing. 

2nd Tip - WANT for others what you want for yourself. In the note above I asked you to unsubscribe if you wanted me to give you things that are immensely valuable for cheap or free. That means you don’t want me to make a living which besides being disrespectful also prevents YOU from making a living.

Check your feelings and your life – if you have this feeling of deep entitlement like the world (or me, or anyone else) “owes” you, how are your finances? Probably not great.

Truly abundant people want to share the wealth. It’s a lesson to take if you want to improve your life – want for others what you want for yourself.

Tune in again tomorrow for PART II: Crucial Knowledge, Scouting Badges & Why Having a Kitten in your Tummy Is Good For You

In Which Broke-But-Brilliant Conscious Entrepreneurs Win Really, Really Big.

I decided that The EFT Marketing School is the last time I’m ever going to teach marketing for service professionals. I’ve been successful teaching this kind of program and I really love the conscious entrepreneurs I’ve met (they’re up to such exciting things!), but ultimately…it’s not the reason I’m here, and not the work I’m meant to do.

But I know there are many of you who read these pages and are subscribed to my newsletter who are still in great, great need of connecting the dots between you and your Ideal Clients, sweet profits and the work YOU were meant to do.

Maybe you didn’t get in on any of my trainings because you’ve just been waiting for the “right time” to invest in the right training to generate clients, make friends and have a ton of fun, ethically and naturally.

Well let me tell you, that time is now. Because the people you were uniquely meant to serve, who can only hear that unique message from YOU are out there. And they’re suffering without your wisdom and experience to guide them.

After comparing many, many service business marketing programs similar to my own, the perfect teacher for me to refer you to for great teaching, and tapping for elimination of your “marketing ick” is good friend and EFT Master – Pamela Bruner! Learn more about her amazing offer here:

http://bit.ly/9qwtod

We just had a lovely call with Pamela on 6-Figure Success Formula. If you help others for a living and aren’t making the money you need to and are stressing out about it, you’ll want to sign up for the call even though it’s over as you’ll get a replay of our fantastic tutorial/interview.

I was just a tad on the sleepy side when we left the call and had some other happy things to say which you might possibly be interested to hear — especially if you’re into Conscious Business, Sustainability in income as well as elsewhere, and feelin’ blissful. Check it out here and get a replay:

http://bit.ly/9qwtod

Pamela shared with the Transformational Entrepreneur/business owners in my community how to market ethically, joyfully and effectively, without being perceived as a Charlie Cheeze-Weasel. And while making fat stacks of cash by simply offering who you are naturally, to the specific people you were put on earth to help.

so just to recap, we stop “pushing string” and “rowing upstream” in our marketing.

can you say “whew”? i knew you could.

Pamela’s background, #EFT Mastery that helps you get clear of your marketing blockages is enough to pay hundreds for, but all that she’s teaching in terms of naturally training you to market your business with ease, grace and joy, represents a very rich package. What she’s offering is worth thousands of dollars, which I approve of as that’s a value I have in crafting trainings myself. But then Pamela revealed an amazing price -only $97 a month.

(a month? very cool.)

Dunno how she does it, but if you help others for a living yet aren’t making diddley, you gotta get in there quick. If you have to forgo dinner out twice a month for a few to take this training, let me tell you, it’s worth it. You’re going to get past those key “ew, ick!” marketing challenges and bring more in the door than you spent on the training by a darnsight.

You’ll also learn how to reach those whose suffering your unique “package” of life, trainings and experiences can really help, and make a great living – naturally.

http://bit.ly/9qwtod

Run, don’t walk. For the first THREE in the door from those on this call or listening to it, Pamela’s offering a free coaching session. Really, really kind of her, and high-value for you. Enjoy!

I wanted to create a few videos on EFT tapping for Trauma relief for my Healing4Haiti project, but realized, my gosh, they’re already out there! Here’s a survey of several, with no endorsement for these practitioners but giving thanks for what they’ve put out.

The first, from the master himself, Gary Craig – and boy, what a great clip this is – followed by a very interesting video on dissolving the freeze response. Then in the lower set of videos, more addressing specific traumas. The first one of these goes out especially to my extended family, though we can all make use of this young man’s story of clearing a heavy authoritarian figure’s harshness. Tap along as you watch, and your own issues, whatever they are, will resolve as well. Keep tapping, it does work! 

If you haven’t yet encountered Emotional Freedom Techniques or EFT, you’re in for a treat. If you’re an old hand, you’ll still enjoy this “spiritual documentary” (a la “The Secret”) style introduction to what EFT can do, and features some of my most esteemed colleagues. Really beautiful work – pass this one along to your friends and families. And, as Gary is retiring March 1st and has said he will be taking his website down, if the link at the end no longer works, you can download a free “EFT Quickstart” from me, here (will open in a new window)

http://maryamwebster.com/eftbasics/

EFT Works Great for Pain

I know. I used it to help me end years of chronic pain from a broken back, and to heal those tissues and  even grow new bone. Oh yes, you really can. EFT is a really great introduction to energy magic for people of all ages, cultures and belief systems. Pass this one on too. You can use a sophisticated Energy Coaching technique called “Borrowing Benefits” to tap along with Gary here as the pain is tapped out. Just think of your own pain for a moment, then let it go and use the lady’s set-up phrasing and reminder phrases. Tap right along. Get over it.

GREAT back pain release video

This one is from Robert Smith. He’s a wonderfully intuitive EFT practitioner and teacher. Beautiful NLP related interventions and submodality shifting for you NLPers in the community. Enjoy this video and especially if you had back pain like I did, this will be a welcome relief. Again Borrow Benefits, as you tap along with Robert and the lady with horse related issues…and a big pain in her back that goes away in a really interesting process:

Can KIDS do EFT? You bet’cha! (they’re a lot smarter than we are, y’know?)

I’ve taught children young as four how to tap with EFT and though I don’t have one, I highly recommend a Tappy Bear.  (I turned my childhood bear into such a happy tapping guide a few years ago) They’re the BOMB for teaching EFT to kids! Enjoy this wonderful video from Karin Gustafson teaching a little boy how to tap with a homemade tapping bear. The giggles alone are worth listening – and Borrowing Benefits – through the whole video. For those who don’t resonate to “I’m a good boy” – “I’m okay and feel grrrrreat!” is a good substitute.

Come join us for “Loving Your Life Again: The Tools, Techniques and Coaching To Get and Keep You Conscious, In Joy and Aligned With Your Highest Purpose Every Day”

This is a Four Week Teleclass with online eCampus, Forums, Community Center & Resources with me, Maryam Webster, creator of the Energy Transformation and Healing Open Source Method and expert in how to be happy every day, all the time.

Yep, YOU CAN do it! It’s even going to be fun… 

And, there’s a special bonus: When you get happy and stay that way every day like you’re going to learn in this class, it rubs off onto other people and THEY get happy.

As a result, YOU become the center of a peaceful wave that ripples outward.

Guess what that does? It creates peace around the planet. Or at the very least, it creates a whole lot of other happy people. And happy people are rarely violent, and don’t start or participate in wars.

Result: A Great Opportunity To Create World Peace.

We make ourselves happy and the world gets happy as a result. (is that cool or what?)

Don’t knock it, it really does work.  Join us and spread the love:

Details Of This Extraordinary Opportunity:

DATES: WEDNESDAYS THROUGH SEPTEMBER: 9th, 16th, 21st & 30th

PLUS: (My accountant says I’m crazy, but -) Register now, and I’ll give you a BONUS WEEK of Everyday Bliss Coaching & Resources on Oct 7th

TIME: 10:00am PT/1:00pm ET / 6:00pm UK in 75 minute sessions

WHERE: On the phone (number sent with registration) and The Energy Coach Institute’s exclusive online university ecampus

Join us even if you can’t make the time – it will all be recorded and available in our private eCampus, and you’ll have access to all the resources (see below for the perks) for an entire year.

Register, here:

Using my Everyday Bliss Process coupled with the powerful tools of energy therapy and The ETHOS Method in particular, you will learn these power tools:

• Grace Under Fire: Drop stress like a hot potato, the second it starts
• FightFear.fm: Keep the fear off your “radio station” to avoid attracting bad things
• Comfy & Clear: Get Conscious and Stay that way – be comfy inside your own skin!
• Trap Mapper: Avoid the 3 common traps that suck us back into unconscious misery
• Outsmart Your Own Brain: Short-circuit your primitive biology to stay Conscious
• FastChange: Hate your thighs? Your job? Your relationship? We’ll deal with it!
• Bring On Abundance: Wade out of financial muck using your body
• Fire Your Inner Executioner: Free yourself from those inner voices that torture you
• Painbody Pulverizer: gain immunity from the hateful situations it attracts
• Calm Children: Use ETHOS with your Children to deal with their issues & aid school success
• Goal Magnetizer: Use ETHOS in a startling new way to realize goals you never have been able to before

JUICY BONUSES that make up an entire SECOND CLASS in how to improve your life & success rate in every way:

• My 9-Day Spiritual Self-Improvement Program:
  “Just For Today”
• The bombshell “Unquenchable Ethusiasm” Lesson 7
  from “The Laws of Success” by Napoleon Hill that is
  the foundation of “The Secret” book, and material of
  other teachers like Abraham-Hicks, Wayne Dyer,
  Louise Hay and Eckhart Tolle.

Is today the day you’ll join us and improve your life? Register, here:

Hi there. If you’re interested in taking yourself and your employees or clients to the next level and the many after that, you really do need to check out The Certified Energy Coach Program. We are now SUPERPOWERED with the brand new and completely free to the public Ethos Method, which is like no self-help or therapeutic change method you’ve ever seen before. You owe it to yourself and your clients to come check us out!

http://certifiedenergycoach.org

My colleagues Nina Price, Sabrina Reich and I welcome you to the wonderful world of Energy Coaching and look forward to getting to know you on this fast-paced and informative class. Bring all your questions about the CEC Program, Energy Coaching as a profession, its use in leadership and business or any others you might have.

Here’s your connection information for our series of free intro classes:

MARK YOUR CALENDAR NOW:

Thursday, August 28th at 10am PT / 1pm ET / 6pm UK
Wednesday Sept. 3rd at 5pm PT / 8pm ET / 9:30/10am Thurs. AUS
Monday, Sept. 8th at 2pm PT / 5pm ET / 11pm UK

Bridgeline Number:  712-421-6384
Conference Access Code: 4695712#

You’ll be welcomed to our call center when you get on the line. Though we welcome dialogue in the class,  if you’re in a busy place, please do use your phone’s  mute button. On this bridgeline, press 6 to both mute
and un-mute your phone.

Looking forward to sharing the power of ETHOS and the amazing changes of The Certified Energy Coach Program
with you!

Warmly,
Maryam Webster
Director, The Energy Coach Institute
and Certified Energy Coach Program®
http://certifiedenergycoach.org

My publishter, New Harbinger, sends out a very interesting monthly newsletter. The following is from their onboard promo for David Skibbins’ book Becoming a Life Coach: A Complete Workbook for Therapists and it is very sage advice  – especially for Energy Coaches in training…or at any level of their practice.

As we are studying ethics shortly in the Certified Energy Coach Program, this advice becomes particularly poignant. And those coming into coaching out of any kind of therapy background, do read this book posthaste for it highlights among other subjects, very important shifts in worldframe that therapists must make to be successful as coaches and what our rigorous training prepares us beautifully to coach around.

A "bravo" and two thumbs up to my colleague David Skibbins, PhD, CPCC for a wonderful book and job well done. Highly recommended for Energy Coaches and anyone transiting from any form of therapy or healing work into coaching.

    Maryam Webster
    writing as Director, The Energy Coach Institute

********     ***     ********     ***     ********     ***     ********

From Chapter 1:
CONTRASTING THERAPY & COACHING: DIFFERENT LEVELS OF AUTHORITY

{worthy text which can be read here excised}

Experts Can’t Be Trusted

Many mentally healthy clients distrust therapists. And not unreasonably—all our training in psychology has warped our point of view. We are experts in the assessment and treatment of psychopathology. And so we tend to see it everywhere: everyone is neurotic, corporations are dysfunctional, the government is addicted to power and control. Most people are mentally healthy. Until you wrap your mind around that fact you’ll be re-creating your clinical practice wherever you go. You’ll be unconsciously disempowering your clients by finding problems they need to solve. They’ll sense that you don’t completely trust them, that you regard them as patients. You may get compliance or you may get rebellion—both of which are expressions of dissatisfaction

The Wrong Tool for the Job

It’s inappropriate to apply a therapeutic perspective to most real-life situations, especially work settings. Therapeutic perspectives are well-honed tools that are invaluable in assisting dysfunctional clients to become functional, but they are simply inadequate for addressing the dynamics of already functional environments. Of course, this hasn’t stopped psychodynamic and psychologically based systems theorists from analyzing the workplace. Indeed, these ideas have been elegantly applied to the workplace for years—with no apparent impact on work environments whatsoever. Pointing out the narcissistic qualities of leadership, analyzing top-down communication fl ow patterns, and discoursing on parentifi ed employer-employee relationships have all fallen on deaf ears. Having twenty-three names for snow doesn’t help you much in a jungle—and all that accurate clinical terminology doesn’t translate very well to corporate America. That’s because people at work have work to do and don’t have time for psychological mumbo jumbo. It’s simply the wrong tool for the job.

Functioning companies are intelligent, responsive, complex living systems. To superimpose a paradigm that evolved out of personal, psychological clinical work onto the richness of the minute-to-minute challenges and choices that face a growing corporate entity is absurd. The concepts of an outside expert—especially a clinically trained one—are going to have very little impact on that environment.

The Special Bonus of Therapy: We Know How to Control Ourselves

Therapists are particularly well suited to an egalitarian approach because of our training in self-management. The intensive interpersonal training we’ve gone through also serves to make us outstanding empowerment coaches. We’ve already learned how to moderate our responses in the service of the client’s needs. Other coaches-in-training also have to struggle with selfidentification as a helper and the habit of giving advice, but few of them have gone through the deep, insight-oriented inner work required of a psychotherapist. Thanks to our training as therapists, when we realize the negative impact controlling behavior can have on a client, we can modify our responses to better coach our clients. Once therapists stop trying to sneak therapy into coaching, therapists become outstanding empowerment coaches—primarily because of our self-awareness and our self-management abilities.

GIVING UP AUTHORITY

However, just reading a few paragraphs about authority may not be enough to persuade you to give up years of feeling in charge. So let’s see exactly what’s at stake here:

• What do I enjoy the most about feeling competent and in control as a therapist?
• Where else in my life do I think I need to be the one in charge?
• What might I get from letting go of my authority role when I coach?

Now that you understand how different coaching is from therapy—and why it should be—here’s an exercise to help you fully step into this new perspective:

You can read the rest of this article here.

It’s rare anymore, but I sometimes get potential clients who wonder why I refer them to other coaches when they say “But it’s YOU I really want to work with!”. Sometimes I feel I’m simply not the best coach for them and that what they really need is to be found with another coach I can refer them to. Sometimes people want coaching, but they really aren’t ready for the kind of intensity such a relationship can generate, or are a wee bit too comfortable in their rut to really work at change. Sometimes a different level of expertise or specialty is called for. And then, there are those who are simply “coachability impaired”.

To correct what may be a widespread assumption, coaches are not obliged to help all and sundry. Though many varieties of coaching exist for the wide variety of clients that exist, coaching by its very nature is a profession that demands one’s highest and best performance. To assure that, coaches are choosy and only work with clients that fit our particular skillsets and energetic bandwidth – just like other service providers. You don’t see a lawyer for a heart transplant. Likewise, a C-level executive seeking snappy, fast-paced high performance coaching wouldn’t employ a creativity, academic or ADD coach. For different needs there are different talents and specialties in the coaching world. That extends also to the personality of client being coached, in what we refer to as “coachability”.

To protect our energies and precious time from being wasted, we all have our red velvet ropes and sets of immutable parameters past which folks who aren’t at a certain level, are not permitted. To attempt to coach people who are resistant to change, aren’t ready for a coaching partnership or are not willing to expand their horizons would be an exercise in frustration and futility for both coach and client. Most experienced coaches can size potential clients like this up in a few heartbeats. It only takes a few to drain you dry before you develop such instincts. And in a nod to Bea, it’s not arrogance or snobbery, but self-preservation and conservation of resources at the heart of the golden restraining posts holding up that red velvet rope.

Thanks and a tippo of the “you said it” hat goes to Seth Godin for his Distinctionary entry below, on “What Coachable Means in Real Life”. You go, my brother.

Coachable

A friend is wrestling with his ability to be coached. For the coachable, “Turn right at the light” is seen as a helpful suggestion for someone lost in a strange town… the advice goes in, is considered and then acted upon. For someone wrestling with coaching, though, it’s like surgery. It’s painful, it has side effects and it might lead to a bad reaction.

Coaching happens all the time. Most often, it’s not from a boss or a professional coach. In fact, the best insights and advice usually come from informal or unexpected sources.

In fluid marketing and organization environments, where the world changes rapidly, coachability is a key factor in evolving and succeeding. Not because all advice is good advice. In fact, most advice is lousy advice. No, the reason coachability is so crucial is that without it, you don’t have the emotional maturity to consider whether the advice is good or not. You reject the process out of hand, and end up stuck.

Symptoms of uncoachability:

* Challenging the credentials of the coach
* Announcing that you’re being unfairly singled out
* Pointing out, angrily, that the last few times, the coach was wrong
* Identifying others who have succeeded without ever being coached
* Resisting a path merely because it was one identified by a coach

Years ago, at the great Bolshoi Ballet, auditions for the troupe were conducted among 8 year old girls. That’s because it took ten years to become great. How did the auditions work? The teachers weren’t looking for the best dancers. They were looking for the dancers who took coaching the best. The rest would come with time.

See the original at Seth Godin’s Blog, and Bea’s post on “Topgrading”.