How To Gently Guide A Newbie To Use Energy Psychology
Sunday, February 14th, 2010 by Maryam Webster
“Doggone our families! Why can’t they just ‘get’ us sometimes?”. Lia, who’s been mentoring with me for several years was quite cross over her sister’s unwillingness to use EFT to deal with her marital breakup. Lia had cured her sugar addiction in coaching with me using EFT and wanted badly to help her sister, Martha.
Martha felt EFT was “too weird” however, and wouldn’t discuss it further, telling Lia “that stuff’s okay for you but it’s just too way out there for me”. Lia was frustrated, sick with worry for her sister (which we tapped on) and didn’t know what to do next.
I can SO relate.
When I first started to share energy coaching with my non-energy-savvy family, they raised their eyebrows, laughed, politely patted my hand and said “it’s great you found a hobby, dear”.
Most of us have had friends or relatives roll their eyes at one another and been the odd duck out in more traditional circles when we try to share energy transformation modalities.
But there’s a great way you can get people into the joys of living a clearer, happier life through energy work. And that is….
Drop the jargon.
Don’t say one acronym – not ETHOS, not EFT, not BSFF or any of the hundred others you might know.
In fact, don’t talk about the tool at all.
Just casually talk to your friends or family members about how they feel. And as you’re speaking with them about what isn’t right in their life, as they are in the depths of the “Dang it, if only I’d have had the guts to….” or “It just KILLS me that I didn’t…” or “I can’t stop thinking about it, and it’s driving me nuts!”
Ask: “How would you rather feel?”
This usually stops people in their tracks.
“Huh?” they’ll say “What do you mean?”
“I mean, what would you really want to feel like, if you could drop this feeling of (hurt, anger, betrayal, jealousy, guilt, shame etc.)?”
Then listen and be really open to what they are telling you without the NEED on your part to fix them, or what’s going on.
Your dropping the need you have to make it all better for other people is HUGE!
When I realized this, and simply listened without attachment to the other person’s outcome (and we’re talking about people I’d gladly give my life for, dear friends and family members), all of a sudden, THEY became more open to what I had to say about HOW to make their situation better.
Then, when they’ve told you how they’d rather feel, acknowledge what they’ve said and ask them:
“Would you like to get a little bit of the way to that place right now?”
If they say yes, then if you practice EFT for instance, get them to tap their HAND points as they tell you their story. Importantly, get them to rate their SUDS or intensity of feeling BEFORE you begin tapping.
And chances are, you’ll get them a good piece of the way down the road, not just a little bit, but it’s a good clean-energy practice to under-promise and over-deliver. That way, folks you’re working with get that extra bit that makes them feel like they got a bonus for free. And that’s something we all love. 
It’s important to start off with something they won’t immediately dismiss as weird looking or “too much to remember”. Using just the hand points addresses a large amount of the person’s intensity level without the overwhelm the whole EFT “recipe” can bring new tappers.
You tap, and tell them just to follow what you’re doing as they tell their story. By and by they’ll be on autopilot, tapping their finger points and karate chop point and telling their story.
As they tell their story, tail enders will come up, guide them to tap on these using just the hand points as well.
When they’ve been talking and tapping for about five minutes, ask them to rate their SUDS or intensity level again.
Most will find a few points shaved off, if not more. I’ve had family look at me with surprise on their faces and say bluntly “I thought all that stuff was just [*steer manure*], but I’ll be doggoned, this [*manure*] really works!”
Now, they enthusiastically tap with other family members who think they’re just as cuckoo as I am.
But they feel better about themselves and their lives. And I don’t care if they think I’m cuckoo, as long as we all feel the best we possibly can.
Because, and this is another important lesson, especially for newbies, the better we feel, the more better feeling experiences we attract.
And that’s a story for another day.
I hope this has been helpful. Let me know how you’re teaching your family to use the energy methods you know and love – you can put a post in the forums or in a blog on the ETHOS Community at:
Or feel free to leave a comment on this post below – use the handy-dandy tools in the orange bar at the bottom of the page to keep up the conversation!
Happy Valentine’s Day to you & a lovely rest of the week!
Warm Blessings,
Maryam
We had an amazing time Monday during the exact time of Winter Solstice, doing a ritual of clearing out the old, bringing in the desired and learning how each of our lives is sacred and how we are all priest/esses in our lives. I’m not using that as a religious term, but a spiritual one, for we are all here as teachers and students of each other.
An absolutely amazing video of French students doing stop-motion chair dance shows us a new Bliss Key: Cheerful Cooperation. When you engage this Bliss Key, the Bliss Blocker it unlocks is twofold:
Transparency, translucence, living a conscious life – or whatever you call it, is not only the birthright and destiny of every human, but also our responsibility to the future. Our choices are essential, each one important, even east or west, choosing paper, plastic or bring-your-own, choosing to remain conscious in the face of frightening and destructive acts of unspeakable evil, or parking a block away.
Moms especially will love this collection of f’ree downloadable organizer pages for your day, week, month and year. Three whole pages, about eighteen different forms in all to print and help organize the chaos of an active family! There’s a fall cleaning checklist, the “Eat Sheet” for a week’s worth of meals, a weekly family calendar, baby’s schedule, infant babysitter checklist and more. You don’t even have to sign up, just download:
I pledge to be more available to you in 2010. For one thing, I’ll be making lots of videos from now on. I’ve gone a bit video nutty really, as I’ve used my Flip Mino to exhaustion and happen to know Santa is dropping off a Kodak zi8.
Wassail is a contraction of the old Anglo-Saxon phrase “wes thu hal” meaning “To Your Health”. And of course, the traditional toasting beverage of this “best time of the year” ~ which in this case is a non-alcoholic hot apple cider punch we serve for the winter holidays. It is never served any other time of the year. You can twiddle the ingredients about a bit, Graines of Paradise may be hard to come by but you can substitute pink or green peppercorns or just leave it out.
I’ll be back to you just before New Year’s with some more juice for your joyous life and ways for you to live in ease, grace and joy.
You may practice ETHOS, EFT, ZPoint, BSFF, EMDR, HeartMath or a variety of other energy therapies. You may practice as a psychotherapist, health educator or as a coach. But did you know that the energy psychology all these methods are based on has been researched and accepted by a number of professional organizations already?
About the Author:
Learn To Love Your Life Again: The Tools, Techniques and Coaching To Get and Keep You Conscious, In Joy and Aligned With Your Highest Purpose Every Day
A gift, from my dear friend and student Liz Lichti and her business partner Laura Whitelaw, a few well…interesting answers to the question you may have been wanting to ask: Why did I walk away from my business to follow my Bliss? (this is me at right a couple of months ago feeling pretty blissful, with 
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