Life’s Basic Manual & The Four Agreements
Personal Coaches and coaching have been around for ages. Coaches existed in the ancient shamans, healers, wise women and story tellers, each of whom had their own very similar codes of conduct as prescriptions for humanity. Much of the wisdom passed down from my grandmother to my mother to me was similar to these codes and formed a Basic Life Manual for myself and my contemporaries:
- Be honest in thought, word and deed.
- Don’t ever assume - to assume makes and Ass of U and Me.
- Don’t take others’ treatment of you personally - you never know what kind of day they might have had. Chances are they’re not reacting to you, but something inside them.
- Treat others as you would have them treat you. The basic Golden Rule.
- Always do your very best, and that’s all we’ll ever ask of you. Do your best, and you will never have regrets.
Most of us have been brought up with codes similar to this, no matter what religion or culture we come from. But suddenly, in the last ten years or so, these basic codes of abundant and spiritual living have made a comeback as "ancient lost wisdom". When a client brought these up to me last year saying "wow, this new stuff is SO cool!" I realized that not everyone may have grown up with this common sense "life manual".
These tenets are basic presuppositions to living an Abundant, Richly Spiritual Life. If this is new for you, pay attention.
Of the many recent redux manifestos is that of Toltec author don Miguel Ruiz, who elegantly brought these simple rules of living together in his book The Four Agreements thus:
The First Agreement
Be impeccable with your word - Always speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.
The Second Agreement
Don’t take anything personally - Other’s actions are completely independant of your influence. No one says or does a thing because of your actions. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own "dream". When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.
The Third Agreement
Don’t make assumptions - Find the courage to ask questions, express your Truth and ask for what you need. Communicate with others as clearly and cleanly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.
The Fourth Agreement
Always do your best - Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different in different physical circumstances, when healthy or ill, when threatened emotionally or stable and happy. Under any circumstance, just do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse and regret.
My grandma and mom weren’t shamans (though Grandmother Mimi certainly had magical healing powers) but they preached the same values. They’re as relevent now to abundant and deeply spiritual living as they were decades - or even centuries ago. Here are some further clarifying questions Grandmother Mimi asked all of us youngsters, updated in today’s language:
- How do these values/Agreements "show up" in your life today?
- What is the hardest value/Agreement for you to honor in your life? What makes it so difficult? In what ways is it difficult?
- What is the easiest of these values/Agreements for you to honor? Why is this easy for you? In what ways?
- What people, situations or objects most trigger you around which of these values? Why? What can you do to release your reactivity to these people, objects or situations?
Think about it…
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