Energy Nugget: EFT For Grief - Only In The Right Time and Space
Those who have lost loved ones may find the holidays a painful time. Energy therapies can help immeasurably in dealing with grief…but only in if used properly in my experience. If used improperly, EFT for example, could cause an unhealthy supression of emotions rather than the desired release. If you unwittingly have the wrong agenda in your tapping, you may not end up with the results you’re looking for but something quite different indeed…
An energy therapy colleague heard me say this and flew into an absolute fit to think I would possibly vend a "Caveat" on use of Energy Therapies when generally speaking, they are very safe to use. This person grilled me on this issue over several months, but nothing I attempted to share helped her to understand my reservations. This is typical of people who find themselves dogmatically positioned on a subject. They believe so much in the therapy or school of thought they espouse, that in their minds there should be no question about its superiority. But discerning researchers keep open minds and note inconsistencies and variances as well as the desired results. I continue to keep an open mind on the Energy Therapies because they are not fully tested in every possible situation, and because in my experience, there is always a correct time, place and method best utilized. The conversation with my colleague brought sharply into focus the fact that this "right time & (head) space" subject has not been widely covered to the Energy Therapy community. I’m committed to bringing such research to you for our mutual learning, so here are my findings. . .
When I was new to EFT, I got used to using it immediately, the second something happened to warrant tapping on. Most of the time this strategy worked great, but then after a years-long illness, my mom died. I had done so much grieving up to the point of her death that I wanted badly to be done with it for good. I used EFT the very next day to "end this grief NOW - I want to feel nothing". This was how I phrased my EFT Set-Up, and it worked exactly that way by numbing me out. I didn’t feel anything at all, just dull and grey inside. I later realized that I wasn’t really ready to be finished grieving. I felt cheated, like I’d had something stolen from me and had trouble concentrating, holding focus, performing in my work and being there for my family. I carried this grey numbness around for months before I recognized it for what it was. Then I tapped to return myself to the point I had been just after my mom died.
After tapping a second time to reverse the effects of the first "grief over mom’s death" tapping session, the feelings that had been suppressed came flooding back. I gave myself the time, leeway and personal space to deal with them, this time allowing myself to fully feel the feelings without wanting to have them go away immediately, without wanting to "feel nothing". I did tap to have the feelings mellow so that they didn’t hurt so bad, but not for them to go away entirely. I wasn’t yet ready for that. I waited until it felt appropriate to begin the healing - about three days - then used EFT and other energy methods to eliminate the feelings. Both the grief and the grey numbness disappeared entirely at that point and what’s more, I felt good about the entire process further eliminating the guilt I had been feeling. Several clients I have had the privilege of working with have noted similar "not the right time" issues in various situations involving grief. There are very human reasons why.
Grief is an intensely personal emotional process. Much of the time people feel precious about their grief. We want to keep and hold it close to us, to savor it if you will, to fully feel it before going on. We feel it isn’t right not to grieve a loved one or to have too short a grieving period. Most cultures go to great lengths and elaborate ritual drama to fully express their grief. It is nearly universally expected that family members will shun society, wear mourning clothes and not indulge in frivolity for a set period of time following a death. Human beings have need of such periods of transition to help them cope with their losses. So yes, I could tap and completely get rid of the grief, but it left me empty, feeling "wrong" somehow. It was definitely an appropriate emotion to use EFT on, but it was absolutely not the appropriate time. I needed to feel my grief fully and come to terms with it before I rid myself of it for good.
The moral of the story is to be circumspect about how you use these powerful tools to rid yourself of extremely powerful emotions. Sure, you can do it in a twinkling…but is it really going to be the best thing for you? Give yourself a bit of time to fully feel what you feel and if it is still precious to you to keep your grief, anger or whathaveyou, let the need for immediate resolution mellow. Keep asking yourself when the time is right and be open to having that take as long as it takes. In our zeal to use these energy therapy tools on "everything" as is suggested, remember to temper that zeal with your bodymind’s own internal wisdom.
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