How An Energy Coach Banishes Fear
The below is a bit technical but for Kamala AND Marion, who asked. This reply in particular was to Marion, on the NCC list:
…I deal with fear-bashing on a daily basis and it’s one of the first things I teach the energy coaches I train. First of all one of the presuppositions that we work by which comes from neurolinguistic programming:
"There is no Failure - Only Feedback"
Once a person really gets this, the shame, guilt and upset that accompanies such fear is taken down significantly. When they try at a task and perceive that they "fail" again and again, they are in reality researchers in their own lives, gathering data. They have reached several plateaus in their data gathering that tell them that this is another way not to accomplish the task they are addressing. This is wonderful, for they are weeding down the thousands of possible choices to the ones that really matter, that will get them "there" - wherever that is.
Here is the process we use to deal with Fear of any kind, in The Everyday Bliss Process and Energy Coaching in general:
First I do reality checking. Is this a realistic fear? If not, we present a reframing primarily and may or may not go further. Often this is all that is required, but if not we will go on to do a belief change process and sometimes a recoding of the base formative decision with the client’s choice of energy change modalities. ZPoint Process is my current favorite, though TAT and EFT are also excellent for this purpose.
We also want to know in the case of a major personality base-matrix decision, if this is a present fear, or something that has been sown in childhood as most root fears are. When we have a fear of basic core states like success and failure, they are without exception, no matter how recent a trigger experience might have been, rooted deep in childhood - one’s first experiences with authority. While it is immaterial with some of the more advanced of the energy change modalities to know exactly when and what happened, clients will often have a sense of this.
Whether they remember a pivotal moment or not, we:
1) Reframe at all levels, but particularly the kinesthetic (how this feeling of fear sits in their body or mind) using a variety of techniques
2) Recode the decision made as a result of the initiating experience (the "I’m afraid to fail (because when I do I am beaten or yelled at)" or "I will NEVER be successful (because all successful people are jerks and I hate jerks)…and in fact, I’m afraid of success")
3) Do a conflict integration in the case of a double-bind which is nearly always present in Fear based beliefs, and finally
4) Instill a new decision about the childhood experience, plus a choice the client makes about how they would rather view the thing once feared.
Here’s an example: A father hits his child when the child fails tests at school, yelling at him and calling him stupid. The child over time concludes that they are stupid and that they are incapable of success, because the authority figures they trust, the father and perhaps a teacher or two tells them so. Perhaps not directly, but children are masters of reading implication.
Decisions Made as a result of this: "I am stupid" + "I cannot be successful" and there’s a hidden one there too: "When I fail, I experience pain" and the real whammy: "I’m frightened to fail, yet I can never succeed"
This is a classic double-bind and sets the child up for a lifetime of failure, pain, and self-destruction. While these ‘failures’ may be only minor, they are experienced as shattering.
Such an individual as an adult might choose the new decision of "Father didn’t know what he was talking about, he was speaking from his own pain and had no idea about my capabilities. Therefore, I cannot trust or believe what he told me then." and the Choice of "I am infinitely capable and have proven it many times. I have a college degree - stupid people don’t get degrees, only smart people do. Therefore I know that I am smart enough and I choose to feel okay about who I am. I enjoy succeeding, and know that I have all it takes to be successful. I’ve proven this many times in my life…."
The client will ideally go on to fill in the blanks of a good handful of the times they have successfully accomplished a task. Any task is relevant, no matter how small.
The point is to provide as many counter-examples to the perceived sense of failure as possible.
Much of this is derived from neurolinguistic programming, though accomplished in Energy Coaching through the sophisticated use of the simple-to-practice energy changework techniques EFT, ZPoint and TAT.
I hope this wasn’t too academic and can be helpful to coaches and therapists alike out there - you can do much of this in a talking mode with a client using appreciative inquiry as well. Enjoy!
Warm Blessings,
Maryam
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