Coaching Rituals
I was on one of my regular reading runs through the blogs of friends and what Andy Wibbels calls "professional crushes" when I came across Andrea Lee’s post on travelling (we met up at her Power of Collaboration conference in New York a few weeks ago - such a fine time!) and the nature of rituals in our lives. I started a short little comment that turned into an essay I thought I’d repost here:
Blessings Andrea, What a beautiful essay here. So life-affirming - love the mendhi designs! When I was Muslim, many years ago, a bride would be hennaed from head to toe and all of her girlfriends would do their hands and feet as well, to "borrow the luck" of the bride. Group rituals such as this form the bedrock of culture.
Your comments on rituals got me to thinking. As a former spiritual circle leader, my life and those of people I coached in that community were all about rituals. Rituals for morning coffee, as well as the usual spirituality-based ones. Rituals bracketed our day - and there were rituals for every possible contingency that might happen during that day. Argue with your honey? There was a ritual for it. Burn the toast? A ritual. Apply for a new job? Another ritual. And I’m a card-carrying member of Curves myself - which is conveniently (or as part of a satanic plot, I can’t figure out which) located right next door to the Starbucks. And yep, a few times a week I treat myself to a venti iced decaf sugar-free vanilla Americano with extra room for a splash of half-’n-half (splash not to exceed two tablespoons!).
Rituals shape our lives. We wouldn’t know where we were or who we were without them. Joe Campbell says that while all animals practice ritualistic behavior, human beings are the only animals who need ritual to affirm identity. Alfred Korzybski observed that humans are the only animals who bind time, to ritualistically stop it, to preserve the moment. And this is where many of our clients get caught up - in memories of a gloried past or longings for a better future…while the present moment goes to heck in a handbag. Binding time is also one of the pitfalls in ritualistic behavior.
As I left that particular form of spiritual expression, I took comfort in the many personal rituals involved in my business, as I think many coaches do. Rituals such as lighting a candle or meditating before work can be so very helpful, but I notice they’re not the ones that make the most difference. What endures lies in the every day, that which is enjoined by others and repeated with regularity. Ritual expression of culture to a large degree, is communal. Coaching community culture is no exception.
Consider the following:
* The way we open coaching calls or in-person sessions is ritualistic, as are the ways in which we disengage and part company. I have a coach friend who says goodbye to clients exactly three times, in three different ways that always use the same verbiage. When asked, she’s said it’s to disengage "softly" to leave the client feeling well. It’s worthwhile to note she is a coach for Restorative clients. Those in other niches have completely different rituals for disengagement.
* The manner in which we relate to our clients is ritualistic - who knows coaches who are termed "ball breakers" or conversely, "nurturers"? Stereotypes such as these are observations of ritualistic behavior
* Our welcome packets or initial sets of coaching guidelines discussed in-session are expressions of ritual in and of themselves, and are a notification to the client not only of the rituals we will be engaging in with them, but also the ritualistic manner in which we prefer to communicate.
* The structure of the meat of the session itself takes on ritual overtones: first the welcome, then the celebration of wins, then what didn’t work and coaching on tightening up the process, goals tracking and checking benchmarks etc…one topic follows the next in pretty much similar format that forms our coaching "style".
Style, culture, blog posting, even making coffee - humans are never devoid of their rituals. Rituals enrich our lives and make us who we are. Birthing new ventures, the way we structure our partnerships - all a series of rituals and expressions of the sacred. It’s a blessing to notice that the sacred is never far away, only a turn of our attention. Which can be a ritual in and of itself.
Love and Blessings, Maryam Webster
PS: To share - my celebration song is Santana’s "Everything Is Goin’ Our Way" It’s on the ole’ iPod on constant repeat some days… 
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