Everyday Bliss For Women In Leadership

I took class with Liselotte Molander a few years ago and she’s a swell coach. Imagine my delight to find this great article by Liselotte on Stress and the Executive Woman! Full of sage wisdom and good suggestions, her "Three Mistakes" is a great cautionary tale. Read and enjoy…

Working as an executive manager in International Trade and Marketing is not always exciting, energizing or fulfilling; it sometimes may be the highway to personal crisis and burnout. Here is the true story about Susan…

Susan had a very busy life. As a Purchasing Manager in International Trade, she was always on the road. Though she loved her job, it kept her frantically busy, traveling around the world, climbing another rung in the career ladder every two years. She had 2 small children at home and a husband equally as busy. Increasing competition, clashes with her boss about the ideas she felt strongly about, pressure at home, and constraint in her marriage added to her growing feeling of fatigue and frustration.

Susan felt she had too much to do and no time to do it. Almost in desperate need for a change she found another position in International Relations, hoping that with the change in jobs, everything would level out. At first she felt better, but soon Susan was overwhelmed and felt helpless again. Guilt, hopelessness, and despair filled her as well as self-blame for not managing the situation.

Fear of losing "everything" fueled her effort, working only to avoid criticism and job loss. Her motivation was gone and she saw no way out of her situation. Fear of burnout and depression kept her going, but inside she felt totally empty and powerless.

How did Susan’s life go so wrong? Here are the top 3 things she did to fail:

1. Susan was working hard and got no acknowledgement at work. Money and materialism became the yardsticks she employed to measure her worth. Susan was missing something but couldn’t connect the dots. Her daily survival method became fighting or fleeing while completing her daily tasks.

2. Susan experienced more and more stress in her life. She thought that lowering the stress would get her back on track. She started to schedule facials, body massages, and spa days into her already busy schedule. She felt angry and blamed herself for not being wiser, stronger or better. Ironically enough, by adding these relaxing activities, Susan increased her stress level even more. . .

Read the rest of this article here and visit Liselotte at her website.

All types of alcohol raise cancer risk

Last week I gave a speech to a group of technology workers about workaholism being the standard, not the exception these days. I also shared the statistic that women work longer hours than men do, traditionally in the home  and also at outplacement work sites. Remember mom putting in hours on dinner, cleanup and mending or other jobs while you and dad watched tv and hung out? Most moms worked up to bedtime when I was a kid. Work at home COUNTS as "work". We’re seeing this historical tendency transfer into the corporate workplace as well where women are asked to work longer hours and then come home to resume working. Reading a 1980’s women’s magazine, my mother was once heard to mutter "Time for myself? Whatever do they mean by that?" For many women world-wide, little has changed in the past twenty years.

The point I was making is that housework and child rearing are historically un-valued or undervalued jobs, and are typically taken on in a majority of households by women. Once a woman has worked a full day in the office, she potentially comes home to meal preparation, cleaning and parenting taking up her time in far greater proportions than do male parents. This is not my observation, but that of dozens of clients, industry research and formal surveys. I cited the article below and so am running it again for those of you who missed it back when…

This study cites how women in the UK are working longer, harder and as a result, are accumulating more stress. When you translate that to America, you can tack on a few hours and perhaps even add a quarter more bother to the stress load. Why? While they are fast approaching levels of job-stress we have in the U.S., Europeans tend to have more realistic work/life balance than Americans.

From:  http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/business/3178554.stm

WOMEN WORK LONGER HOURS

A woman’s work is never done may sound like a tired old cliché - but it may be more true than ever.

According to a new survey a woman’s working week is now half a day longer than it was five years ago - and that’s without housework.

The increase is down to the growing number of women in more high-powered management and professional jobs, say researchers.

In contrast, the total number of hours worked by men has fallen slightly over the same period - from 45.5 hours to 44.8 hours.

Girls to work more

According to the Chartered Institute of Personnel and Development (www.cipd.co.uk/default.cipd ) who conducted the survey, the shifting pattern is down to changes in the UK economy.

And these are more likely to become more magnified, not less, in the future, as the UK economy shifting from male-dominated manufacturing to the more female-friendly service sector.

Mike Emmott, head of employee relations at CIPD, said: "If efforts to secure equal treatment for women at work are to bear fruit we can expect to see their experience of work and working patterns aligned more closely with those of men."

However, men are still working much longer hours in paid jobs than women.

Compared to an average week of 44.8 hours for a man, women are working 33.9 hours.

Flexible friend?

The impact of the government’s campaign on work-life balance has had little effect, the report says.

The element of the report’s findings contradicts a recent report for the Office of National Statistics which said that six million workers were now benefiting from flexible work.

The government has introduced a range of family-friendly and flexible working measures.

It signed up to the European Social Chapter shortly after coming into power - and many European-inspired policies have subsequently been introduced.

In recent years: new fathers have gained paternity rights; women can take up to a year’s maternity leave - and parents now have the right to request flexible working patterns.

In addition, people working part-time have gained the right to equal treatment as full-time employees.

But according to the report there is an increasing proportion of people working long hours - more than 48 hours a week - up from 10% in 1998 to 25% today.

These long hours can have a negative effect on quality of life, with more than a quarter of those people who are working long hours admitting health problems as a result.

A quarter said had led to stress or depression and it had affected their sex lives and their relationship with their children.

More than four in ten workers say long hours "gets in the way of" their relationship with their partner or spouse.

"The only crumb of comfort", the report says is that one in four employees have cut back their hours in the past five years, although this is largely down to parenthood.

Just read about this at Sandra Ghalinger’s "Tittyology" website courtesy of Suzanne’s ezine - thanks, Suz!

Again scientific confirmation comes for a syndrome most have long known exists - stress at work = anxiety and depression. Family troubles. Failures in business. And there doesn’t seem to be much difference in occupation studied from this quote:

"The most toxic factor here is high psychological demands. That can be present in multiple professions: the media are always working under time pressure;  doctors, firemen, nurses, builders, plumbers - it applies across the board."

From New Zealand, generational research proves the  link between high stress on any job and the mental illnesses of anxiety and depression. Other studies have linked such stress to chronic pain perception as well. Keeping in a stressful situation does more damage than you may have thought. Just look:

Jeepers. But then, we already knew this…didn’t we?  Click to read the whole article here  and click to get relief here

A little late on the ball, but in response to biz-buddy Krishna’s tag in her post: 8 random things about me

I was recently asked by a client how to remain professional in a contentious situation. Here is something I wrote a long time ago that still applies:

Cultivate that within you that is respectful, self-aware, classy, dignified and grounded in bedrock, and you will have all the professional demeanor you will ever need.

Last year the National Institute of Health published a study that said echinacea, or purple coneflower (at right - isn’t she pretty?), does nothing to help or cure the common cold. (Hundreds of years of pioneer and native American experience to the contrary). Now, the British Journal Lancet has published a counter study that says granny was right. From USA Today Health:

A new study published today in the British journal The Lancet: Infectious Diseases  finds that the popular herbal supplement echinacea cuts the chance of catching a cold by 58% and can reduce the duration of colds by about a day and a half.

This directly contradicts a major study funded by the National Institutes of Health and published last year in the New England Journal of Medicine which found that echinacea doesn’t work.

The Lancet study looked at the results of 14 previous clinical trials that investigated echinacea’s effects on the common cold. Those trials involved a total of over 1,600 patients.

The analysis was done by Craig Coleman, a professor of pharmacy at the University of Connecticut, and colleagues. Meta-analyses combine the findings of large numbers of studies to tease out trends that might not be visible individually.

Coleman and his colleagues looked at all the randomized, placebo-controlled, peer-reviewed studies available and by combining their data, found that echinacea reduced the incidence of contracting the common cold and its duration.

And they wonder why the herb grannies sometimes cast a jaundiced eye at ‘that newfangled doctorin". While science has its place, you’ve got to wonder sometimes why hundreds of years of anecdotal evidence is often pooh-poohed. Perhaps because big pharma can’t lay patent to what is essentially a weed?  Full article here 

Haven’t we been telling them this all these years? Well just recently, the docs and scientists finally wised up in this article from CNN:

You know you’ll get killer cramps or that nasty headache any minute now, but nothing you take seems to help once the pain hits.

You’re not alone: Many women have a tough time finding the right kind of relief for their pain –and for good reason: Until recently, experts hadn’t actually studied women’s pain specifically, and most research wasn’t conducted with a woman’s hormones and physique in mind. All that’s changing, though.

Docs now know that to banish our aches, they must develop treatments formulated for women’s bodies. What’s more, researchers are also looking for — and finding — ways to head pain off at the pass, so those of us with chronic troubles such as migraine, fibromyalgia, or backache don’t have to be hobbled by pain on a daily basis. Here, the new research will help you live an (almost) pain-free life.

Maryam’s take: If you’d have asked us, we could have told you - right ladies? So you can use epidural blocks and the like suggested in this article, or you could simply do what I did when faced with pain so gaspingly disabling from a broken back I could literally not get out of bed: Energy therapies.

Whether you turn on Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT), Tapas Acupressure Technique (TAT) or the point-free ZPoint Process (a little ZPoint humor there - wink), they all work well for pain and symptom relief once you understand how  to work them, and without the side effects of Oxy-Contin or other commonly prescribed "killer" pain  relievers.

The article goes on:  What should have been a relatively simple injury became an odyssey that had Weiner visiting specialists all over San Francisco. She finally found a podiatrist who "took a detective-like approach to the problem," Weiner says, by exploring and treating each joint and tendon in a methodical search for the pain’s source. Thanks to this care, which includes regular pain-preventing cortisone shots, the 55-year-old mother of one has been able to resume her hobby of salsa dancing.

Very important in your care to find someone who (1) Believes in you  and (2) Is willing to take the time to be a detective and find out what’s really wrong, instead of shopping you every pain pill in creation without doing the sleuthing first. And, to be a sleuth in your own body, for what bugs you, what is good for you and what you notice that’s different.

In the middle of pain and physical drama? Notice what’s happening from a deep place inside the felt-sense of your body. Take notes and start a journal of your symptoms, precipitating foods, events and people. Be a body detective…

To be continued…

This is THE Blog for you if you’re a Woman who desires to live a life of  Everyday Bliss. Though that necessarily requires a bit of work on yourself, Bliss also BEGINS with accepting you for WHO YOU ARE.  Your thighs are thin enough. Trust me, my thighs are bigger than yours and it doesn’t keep me up nights. Bliss is knowing that things are okay as they are, you’re just fine, you are living a Guided life, and what needs to change will take care of itself.

TODAY my friend the renowned "Comfort Queen", Jennifer Louden, has declared an international holiday:

May 15, 2007:  Freedom From Self Improvement Day

Self-improvement is a one-way ticket to misery, Jen says. She endorses a path to happiness and fulfillment that starts with acceptance of who and where you are.

As a certified Bliss Booster, I couldn’t agree more.

As we give gratitude for what is good and wonderful in our lives, we need to start with ourselves - WHOMever you are, WHEREever you are and WHATever is going on in your life….is all just fine. 

“Beating ourselves up because our thighs aren’t thin enough, or because we still haven’t perfected the art of ‘positive thinking’ hasn’t made us happier or the world a better place,” says Jen, whose books include The Woman’s Comfort Book and her recently released The Life Organizer: A Woman’s Guide to a Mindful Year.

“Inner peace through endless self-improvement only serves to make us endlessly dissatisfied and disappointed. The biggest paradox in trying to change ourselves is that nothing happens until we embrace who and how we are right now, imperfections, perceived flaws and all.” she says.

I’ll add that it is only then that you can go forward out of what isn’t what you want and engage the Law of Attraction to get what you want. That Gratitude for What Is, is absolutely essential. And it needs to be legitimate gratitude, not merely mouthed insincerely.

My recommendation, if you’re not to the happy place with where you are yet, is to start with the EFT Personal Peace Procedure. Being at peace with yourself is key to Everyday Bliss.

The day will include a number of resources to encourage self-acceptance, ban self-improvement, and have fun while doing it, including a “Declaration of Independence from Self-Improvement,” audio downloads contributed by a host of best-selling authors and spiritual teachers, and suggested activities for celebrating our beautiful, imperfect selves.

To get a comprehensive run-down on what Jen is offering, check her blog out at:

http://freedomfromselfimprovement.com

And drop the shoulda-coulda-woulda’s, don’ts and must-do’s that litter your life and poison personal peace.

Be Kind to You.

Be gentle and compassionate with your dear, precious self. 

To quote Jen: "True change is a result of self-love, not self-hatred.”  You said it, girlfriend.