The past few weeks have been a mad whirl of activity, planes, cabs & road trips. May is conference and trainings month. Every therapist or coach worth their sheepskin constantly updates their training and meets with peers and colleagues on a regular basis to share research, successful processes and for networking and general fellowship opportunities. Mine included one Energy and one Coaching conference this month, plus an advanced NLP training.
In the first week of May I attended the Association of Comprehensive Energy Psychology’s 9th Annual International Conference which went wonderfully. I ended my term as Communications Director but was asked to stay on in an advisory position to the Board, which I agreed to. More fun: Past ACEP President Gloria Arenson and I are forming an ACEP Members Special Interest Group for writers on ‘Getting Published’. This will be tremendous fun. More info to come.
I finally got myself a Freeze Framer from the HearthMath people (www.heartmath.org) and we’ve had fun playing with it, getting our hearts in congruence. A more indepth report on this amazing technology to come.
Dr. Luke Cua fixed my nagging back sprain-pain with two needles and lots of breathing in the exhibition hall. If you have a chance to get an appointment with him do so - he’s amazing! You can find out more here:
http://www.newvita.com/
The presentations by Dr. Judith Orloff, Bruce Lipton and Nan Lu were amazing. Nan Lu was particularly entertaining. Full of amusing anecdotes that taught with humor, Nan Lu is someone you’ll want to see in public if at all you can. Women interested in natural weightloss and breast cancer prevention will want to check out his books. Dr. Lu’s informative website is here:
http://tcmworld.org/
Yesterday, I gave a well-received presentation entitled "Quantum Leaps: Integrating Energy Psychology with Performance Coaching for Outrageous Client Success". I was told to expect ten participants, and 43 showed up, packing out the room. Wow! Talk about a turnout! Just goes to show that coaching with an energy focus is beginning to come into its own.
Needless to say I didn’t make enough copies of my notes and needed to run a sheet to mail them out to interested participants. As I am just getting back home from my travels, to those of you who were there and asked, they’re in the mail as I write. It was interesting to note among the many eager to learn, there were one or two psychotherapists who seemed to feel threatened by the mention of coaching.
When given the definition of coaching as working on an extremely high-functioning client’s projects with a goals, vision, mission and purpose - one participant piped up "But that’s what I do as a therapist!" and was distressed to think that "coaches are overstepping their boundaries into therapy". But given that psychotherapy is professionally defined as the diagnosis and treatment of mental dysfunction, this is actually where psychotherapists are overstepping their boundaries into a Coach’s territory. Working with highly functioning clients may be something that therapists do, but it would at that point technically be coaching and deserves by both professions to be delineated as such.
Conversely when discussing a particular example clinet, a gentleman took umbrage at my suggestion that coaches work with a client’s stated goal. He said "What, you mean even those that are selfish or aren’t altrustic goals?" As I was watching the clock, this wasn’t the time to get into that wonderful Coaching Presupposition "Thou Shalt Be Selfish", but let me go there now…
If you don’t know what you want for yourself, you will never have anything worth having. If you don’t know how you want your life to go, your life will occur at random, and will be attracted towards the strongest energy in it. As that focus in the human species is usually negative, concentered around "what I don’t want"/"what I won’t put up with" - that will tend to be what you attract. (weird, but unfortunately true) Being Healthily Selfish is one of personal coaching’s treasured tenets. When I take superb care of myself, I can better care for others.
The corollary to this kind of Selfish is the instruction you hear on an airplane - you are asked to put your own oxygen mask on before you assist others. If you wait, you may not be around to assist others. This isn’t the selfish of refusing to share your toys, it’s the selfish of refusing to share yourself when you are debilited, decimated and need to recharge. That, is a "healthy" kind of selfish. And to frame that in the positive: Make sure your own needs are taken care of first, before your day serving others begins. Make sure to always, in every situation, feed, water and put your own oxygen mask on first, before giving to or engaging with others. That’s the kind of Selfish that everyone should be.
And what about only altruistic goals? Well, it’s not a Coach’s position to judge a client’s goals - whether they are right or wrong or whether they are good or bad for the client. We can comment, we gan give the benefit of our experience and wisdom to clients, but as a rule, Coaches unconditionally champion the client’s goals, unless they are obviously contravening the law, or our personal ethics. If you can’t or won’t do that, you’re not in a position to be a good Coach.
Who are we to judge what is right for another? That kind of superiority is what many therapy clients are used to seeing, hearing and feeling from their therapists. (I speak as a former therapist in this) And in its own time and place, it can be a useful tool of therapy in the initially needy and codependant stages. But it is not and never will be a tool or mindset of Coaching.
Key Distinction: Coaching is not about "fixing" people or seeing them as broken, imperfect or dysfunctional. Coaching is about seeing, eliciting and championing the client’s own inherent greatness, and using that resource state to fuel their goals, passion, vision and mission in life.
Interesting thoughts and interesting conference…
I look forward this week to flying to Manhattan for the Power of Collaboration Conference. Reports, as and the time to post manifests!