Everyday Bliss For Women In Leadership

Seth Godin recently blogged about being lonely, saying "People spend money..and invest time and enormous energy to solve this problem…"  Loneliness can be a big problem, but it doesn’t have to cost you money to solve. In working with clients from busy moms to corporate executives, I find every one of them is lonely at some point in time. Many are lonely for long stretches, and are even lonely in the midst of a pack of third-graders clamoring for juice, busy board meetings or even hanging out with friends, family or colleagues. Either they’re not making time in their day for fulfilling relationships, looking for ideal people that just aren’t in their environment, or looking for something that doesn’t exist.

Sometimes these women reveal fantasy to be at the heart of their dreams of curing loneliness. We often want what we can’t have - the unobtainable popular or wealthy person to be a comfort, those dear ones who are long dead, or comrades who look like the close-knit group of friends from a favorite television show. These busy, successful women are not lonely hermits, but people with friends, communities and loving families. They sometimes feel their burdens are too great to impose upon the time of those families and friends. Or they have other unrealistic beliefs that limit their ability to reach out.

One of the best things about lonely is that its easily curable once unrealistic expectations are surpassed.

If you are lonely, don’t sit at home or in the office feeling sorry for yourself. Here are a few pro-active steps to take, and one security precaution you need to know about and below that, my All-Time Best Anti-Lonliness Tip:

• If your workmates go out at lunch or after work, contrive to be included - EVEN IF they aren’t the "ideal" people you want to hang out with.

• If you meet other moms at the park, make a point of speaking to them and getting to know them better. Invite them for coffee or play dates with your kids EVEN IF they aren’t of your religion, educational background or social strata.

• If  you have a home office, make a date with another home worker to meet at a coffee shop a few times a week and plug your laptop into the coffee shop’s wireless system to get your admin work done.

• And if you’re concerned about security using a coffeeshop’s wireless system, try the comprehensive JiWire WiFi Hotspot locator, email enabler and WiFi security system here: http://www.jiwire.com/hotspot-helper.htm

You’ll widen your world when you take these proactive steps. And if those immediately surrounding you aren’t 100% your cup of tea, by at least making the effort, you’re telling the Universe that you’re open to meeting new people. As long as you keep focusing your mind on exactly who you want to meet and tell those you’re with, sooner or later you will. Plant seeds of ideas in those around you like this: "Say, I’d like to meet some other Green Party vegetarians - do you know any?" Your workmates might not, but for sure they’ll remember you when their aunt mentions her neighbor, the eco-friendly vegan woman. And they’ll mention it to you. Such are connections formed, that end loneliness.

Now, The Number One Tip For Curing Loneliness:

Be In Service To Others

Focusing on those who are in the most need will help you make lonliness a thing of the past. Visit, help out or volunteer your time with the elderly and/or with children. If the idea of being with seniors makes you roll your eyes, look in the mirror sunshine - you’ll be there soon yourself. Make friends with the inevitable and know that today’s older folks aren’t the older folks of your childhood. If your remembrance of relatives in warehouse homes is keeping you away, it shouldn’t. Seniors today are peppier far longer into their golden years than they used to be. Those that are living in communal housing environments or nursing homes are dying for want of just a little bit of company - either a one time visit or an ongoing gig. What about going hiking or on a visit to the local gardens with an elder who has no family to visit them? 

Increasingly, seniors are leading active lives well into their 70’s, 80’s and 90’s.

One thing’s sure, you’ll be curing two people’s loneliness at least ,and learn a whole lot into the bargain. Our world’s greatest repository of wisdom lies in the still-active hearts and minds of our elderly, and they’re a hoot to hang out with. It may not be the ideal relationship you’re looking for, but being with the elderly broadens your life in ways you cannot any other way.

If you have a special skill, like teaching yoga, self-defense or something more stationary like making candles, soap or paper, writing a novel, advice on stock trading or real estate investing - elders in your community would love to learn, and you would stand the chance of alleviating the lonliness of many more than just one. Check your local community college senior section and city senior care programs. Good karma goes a long way in alleviating your own lonliness.

Children Need You Too
If you’re not a parent, you probably don’t know that in America, our public school systems are in deep trouble. Teachers are having to purchase notebooks and pencils - textbooks in some places. I won’t go on a political rant here, but the situation is dire indeed. If you want to cure your loneliness, volunteer at your local elementary school, junior high or high school. Many schools don’t ask for a constant commitment and are pleased as punch if you want to come in just an hour or two a week or on a one time basis to share your special skill or talents. Conact your local schools to learn more or go through your local area’s volunteer programs. A tip: Younger children tend to be more appreciative of your time than older ones, but the need is prevalent at all levels. If you crave attention and appreciation however, the little ones are you best bet…but the older kids need you just as much, sometimes more.

Cultivation of Everyday Bliss without giveback is little more than selfish pampering. If you’re not giving back and sharing your life, time and talents with others, you’re not truly living. And the Law of Tenfold Return  "what you give out returns to you tenfold" is true. Whether you’re lonely or not, go forth and give back, so that you may receive.

Yesterday I went to see my wonderful friend Jasmine for a tui-na and tuning forks massage. (if you don’t know what tui-na is, it’s the best thing since sliced tekka) Afterward, I went to the large Asian shopping center on Wolfe Road in San Jose, to the HK Potsticker for takeout. On the way I stopped at the adjacent Ten-Ren for a jasmine peal tea and a bag of tea eggs - mmm, delicious. While I don’t eat potstickers anymore (no gluten for me!) I had their yummy minced shrimp in lettuce cups, always a crowd pleaser.

I sat outside under the walkway roof and admired the fine day and local wildlife while sipping tea and waiting for my takeout order. A small young finch, taking his first steps out of the nest caught my eye in the rafters above me. His entire little body was quivering with nerves and every fluffed feather trembled. Cheeping constantly, he took one hop after the other and finally flittered up to the rafter above, where his mother chirped her congratulations.

“Good boy!” I called out in encouragement. “Way to go!” His siblings in the nest put up an angry, squabbling chorus. As the little finch looked back at them, he seemed to sag, trembling all the harder - I fancied they were not being very supportive.

Mombird flew a few rafters off to a higher beam, turned around, cocked her head and chirped, fixing her offspring with a beady eye. Looking back at his nest-mates, the little fellow trembled even harder and his cheeping entreaties increased in urgency. He made several false starts and I cheered him again, joined by the hostess from the restaurant and a passerby who stopped to see what the commotion was about. I was cheering in English, they in Mandarin. We were all saying the same thing though: “Go on little guy, you can do it!”.

The young’n looked first to his mother, then to the three of us standing on the sidewalk cheering him on. Finally, with a huge cheep, swelled breast and fluttering of tiny wings, he flapped unsteadily but successfully, up to the higher beam.

Mombird clucked over her baby and preened his feathers by way of comfort. The two ladies and I laughed delightedly, called our congratulations, and shook hands before going our separate ways.

This Brave Little Bird reminded me again to pay attention only to those who cheer me in life and ignore those whose sour grapes attitude wastes time and energy with displays of anger, jealousy or attempts to bring us down.

He reminded me to look for and pay attention to those who are supportive, even if they don’t know I can do something, but simply believe I can. And who are willing to give the gift of their Belief to me freely, just for the joy of doing so. This is a gift that is best enjoyed by passing it on. Let others know you believe in them, cheer them on to success! That’s like money in the bank, for when you need someone to cheer you, they’ll be there.

It also reminds me of Abraham-Hicks saying that we are blessed with an “emotional self-guidance system”. When we go for what is purely pleasurable and blissful to us, we will always succeed and attract what is highest and best for us. The Brave Little Bird needed to push through his fear and learn how to fly. While I can only imagine, to quote Jonathan Livingston Seagull, flight is the most purely enjoyable thing for a bird, it’s their reason for being. “I Fly, therefore I Live.”

What is YOUR “flight” - your reason for living? Do you get enough of that in your everyday life? Let’s talk about it. Comment here, below….

If you’re reading this blog, then you’re undoubtedly dedicated to the experience of Everyday Bliss. So I KNOW you’ll want to participate in the FREE Teleclass I’m doing TODAY with Ellen Britt, for her Everyday Qi program.

I’ll be sharing the first FIVE Keys to Everyday Bliss from my upcoming Everyday Bliss For Busy Women book, a technique you can use to rev up your energy (even when you are tired, ill or have had a horrible day) and how to use the energy of intention to transform your  limitations into a precious treasure.

Interested? Calendar open at 5pm Pacific / 8pm Eastern TODAY, Wednesday 5/23?

Great!  Sign up here:

http://www.everydayqi.com/signup4webster.html

There are MASSES of goodies included of course,  and you’ll also get to hear LOTS of other fantastic speakers on energy techniques and other health and wellness promotion info that you can really use.

See you there!

Warmly,
Maryam

I do enjoy marking the passages of the year-wheel with other kindred spirits. A riotous bit of good fun I have a great deal of fondness for is the annual Morris Maying at the Palo Alto, California, Baylands Nature Reserve. There’s a video below, but bear with me a second, some stage setting is in order.

We meet at 5:30am when it’s pitch dark, on the southern edge of the San Francisco Bay. Teams (called "sides") of Morris men (and women) dance up the sun and general frivolity and fun ensue. This ritual goes back at least 900 years in England, to judge from the radiocarbon dating of the reindeer horns used in the Abbots Bromley Horn Dance which leads off the festivities. Alas, it is far too dark to record the dance on video, so we made do with a historical slide show segeuing into the 2007 stills.

In our family’s tradition, the women stay up through the night making rose and flower crowns (which I always wear to the event) while the men cook us a scrumptious post-midnight repast. And of course, it’s considered de riguer to make love in the out of doors in the fields if possible (though it’s generally too cold). Traditionally, the morning’s dancing capped off a night of sympathetic magic ensuring bumper crops in the fields and encouraged the sun to rise to bestow its abundance upon the people.

Here are my videos and best recollection of the dance titles and personnel from May 1st, 2007. If I have made errors, I beg your forgiveness in advance. Contact me and I will be glad to amend the titling. The song sung at intro and outro is "Hal an Tow", a traditional Maying song that echoes the poignancy of the Horn Dance in its first verse:

Take no scorn, to wear the horns
It was the crest when you were born
Your father’s father wore it then,
Your father wore it too…

Needless to say, this verse is aimed at young men who, taking up their generation’s innovations, ’scorn’ what can seem to be the quaint antiqueries of their sires. Where does such a dance come from? While none truly know and the origins have been shrouded in the mists of time, my theory is that such a dance comes from the deer cults that existed in al primitive societies. Once England was covered from coast to coast with dense, impenetrable forests where the red deer reigned. Remember the caves at Lascaux and the pictures on their walls recounting the hunt? Many pictures of deer have been found all over Europe. The stag was a revered symbol of masculinity. Deer  and elk cults existed in native America and reindeer cults in northern Europe. All three of these animals are taxonomically related and their cults are among the strongest in terms of fertility, protection of the home and as symbols of masculinity. But enough of the lecture, you want to see the video.

This day, in May, 2007, the sun came up in fine fashion, cresting the top of the Diablo mountains to much hooting and huzzah-ing. See? Without us dancing the sun up, there’d be no crops this summer. I hope you’re properly grateful…  Enjoy!

If you are as troubled as I am about the Virgina Tech massacre, you might be feeling a little helpless and frustrated right now. I know I sure was once the bulletins stopped flying and the shock wore off a bit. It was a little like 9/11 all over again.

I’m a person that feels very deeply. And as I watched the news, a feeling of panic rose…my breathing got real shallow….tears welled up and hovered in my eyes as I watched the tragedy unfold.

I thought how senseless and what a cruel shame it was that those young people’s lives were cut short, and how horrible for the survivors desperate for answers that the police were saying we’d probably never know why.

And then….I remembered I could breathe, and I remembered that I had the choice to say my cue word, or tap or hold the TAT pose. I did all three. Plus about ten minutes of the three different kinds of cross-crawls.

Tragedies like this snarl both our emotions and our energy fields….

Self-care is really important during a time like this. So if you’re affected, or if you were actually involved, then go here right now and learn how to take care of yourself:

http://quantumflow.com/stressrelief.html

I also want to remind everyone that just as we have the ability to tap, pose and cue for ourselves, we can also lend selfless service to those who are still suffering.

While this may seem initially unhelpful to hear…

And while *of course* we all need a decent period to grieve our losses…

Let’s also remind ourselves that *undue* suffering is, truly, optional. And, that we who have taken the pledge to help others….can help ourselves best at times like this…by doing both our own work AND surrogate energy therapy for those who don’t yet know that they need not suffer.

So join all of the people in the Energy Field who are massing together to help alleviate this and other suffering, doing whatever you know best. For the power of Prayer has been proven by university study, and the power of our own Intention is great and well documented. And we know that there is no real distance between us, for we are all one in the Zero Point Field. (if you don’t yet know what this is all about, then by all means read Lynne McTaggart’s book ‘The Field: Search For The Mysterious Force of the Universe)

To quote my good friend Kim George:

‘Do What You Can Do and Know that What is Meant for You, Can Never Be Lost’

(From: http://coachingintogreatness.com)

Until next time, my warmest blessings,
Maryam

Still skeptical about the power of The Law of Attraction as taught in The Secret Movie?? Then get on the bus and TEST DRIVE "The Secret" with Andy Wibbels and I for the next 30 Days. You can rev up here:

http://secretskeptic.com

Check out Andy’s MindMap of the Law of Attraction history here:
http://andywibbels.com/uploads/Image/secret_map.jpg

And be sure to listen to the "Getting The Secret" call Andy and I did last week:

People really loved the call as did we. Andy and I were overwhelmed with all the lovely comments folks made after the call. Here’s what people are saying:

Wow, Andy. This was a great call. And I am now a HUGE Maryam Webster fan. She does a great job of straddling the woo-woo with the practical. And I’m so glad someone spoke to how the Law of Attraction isn’t just about getting stuff. It’s a path of deep personal unfoldment and enrichment. Congrats!

- Nancy Tierney  http://www.unconditionalconfidence.com/

This call was amazingly helpful! Thanks for opening the dialogue and for having Maryam on to give us a real how-to. I’ve been focusing on making my mental shifts since Halloween. This call really revved up my evolution! Thanks to you both!

- Lynn Ward  http://thrivingafter50.com

Here is another LimeTV video from Rodney Yee on how to maintain a sense of Calm and let go of irritating incidents from the past. Enjoy!

We had a great time on the Tao of Ka-Ching Intro Class today. If you didn’t get a chance to listen to it, the replay is available on our Tao of Ka-Ching website, here:

http://taokaching.com

And now, to answer a Very Important Question that came up on the call:

Baya, on the call from the U.K. mentioned her overwhelm at the bewildering array of different things to do to boost her business and increase pro.fits. She’s already spending most of her time working, but says she would need several days to study a tool like Google Adsense, for example. She concludes with "..in the meanwhile, I am not making any money! I am lucky because I have a good practise but would like to expand it much more"

Baya, I regret we didn’t have the time to go into this on the call - I wish we’d had another hour!

We’ll definitely go WAY DEEP into this problem in the Tao of Ka-Ching class experience. But since this is such a WIDESPREAD problem, I’d like to give a bit more of an answer here. I don’t know your business or you, but I’m glad to meet you. :-)  I’d venture to say however, that you don’t have a solid foundation to your business, or that your foundation has changed significantly since you formulated your first business plan.

When I say business foundation I mean:

• You know exactly what your business vision, mission and purpose is, you know exactly what you offer and who you serve and exactly how you do that.
• You know who your ideal client is and you work with NO ONE but that kind of person.
• You have the granularity of your business down pat and have no suprises or sudden emergencies you can’t handle immediately because you have protocols put into place.
• Your business operations manual not only exists, but is up to date.
• You don’t waste time, ever. And you have at least one employee hired on at least a part time basis to take care of the busy work and mundanities, so you can concentrate ONLY on doing what you love.

That sound familiar? Have all this under control? No? Then it’s no suprise that you find yourself with little time and overwhelmed by all the options. Even if you work a day job, you can still  manage your time and create even more time than you think you have! And knowledge of the fundamental business elements above will let you know, instantly, what you need in terms of classes, resources and so-on to improve your business. With this knowledge you won’t be jumping on every bandwagon that rolls by, you’ll know which opportunities are a unique fit for your business.

Here’s some homwork for you Baya, and everyone else who has the same problem, straight from the Tao of Ka-Ching Homework archives - a little sneak peek for you!

It’s not going to be the most exciting thing you do all week, but you will get a very GOOD idea of where your time is going by completing this homework assignment. This is the first step in creating *more* time. And it’s this: document every FIFTEEN minutes through your waking day, for a week. You can do this simply by making a grid with every fifteen minute increment marked out from the time you wake up until bedtime (yep, bedtime). And yep, fifteen minutes. Twenty is too much, you can switch activities several times even in as low as the fifteen minute increment. So you’ll have  four opportunities an hour to make a real quick note of what you’re doing, and choose to do something different…if you want.

Use a shorthand system to mark the grid, such as "W" for work related activities, "F" for family time, "P" for scheduled personal time such as grooming, meditation, yoga, etc, "E" for exercise,  "R" for "recreation" such as reading non-work related material, non-work related web surfing, online gaming, television watching, going out for activities, "M" for miscellaneous - anything that doesn’t fit elsewhere. Make a small note on what you’re doing in each square of the grid. As the squares start to add up, you’re going to begin to see where the extra time in your day is hiding. 

This may not be as exciting as just floating through your day unencumbered, but remember that you’re like a sniffer dog on the trail of extra time. It’s there, it’s just doing a clever job of disguising itself among other activities. Sniff it out! Rebelling against the idea of documenting your days? That’s just fear inside you talking. This is usually fear of success (if you don’t identify as successful yet, there’s definitely fear there), fear of losing something you value through being more scheduled…the possibilities are as many as there are human beings out there.

Deal with this rebellion-disguised-as-fear using your favorite energy therapy method: EFT, ZPoint Process, TAT, BSFF or others.

There’s more to getting ahold of your time and knowing what to invest it in, that we will deal with in the Tao of Ka-Ching 90 Day Program. Try this exercise though - you’ll really get a LOT out of it!

Remember - you can grab the "Extended Earlybird" price on the Tao of Ka-Ching Program for the next 24 hours. After 6pm Eastern on Tuesday Jan 30th, the bird flies off forever again! Check the program out here: taokaching.com  Then Grab The EarlyBird, here:

http://snipurl.com/TKCspecial

This just in from one of my readers: "How do we get to the tipping point where we live our new perspective without regressing to our old  viewpoints and strategies?" - Peter H.

It’s a great question Peter, thanks for asking. And I don’t think there has been a one of us who have not at some point in our path (or many points) wondered "when the heck is all this work I’ve been doing on myself gonna kick in without a whole lot of work to keep it from backsliding?"

The quick answer is: by having a daily practice and sticking to it even when we don’t stick to it. Fall off the Path and climb back on again as soon as we remember the Path is there. Don’t beat ourselves up for falling off, just take that as a golden opportunity to become even more Conscious and Aware.

We all need to get that there is no one-shot magic pill that you take once and BOOM! New life assured for all time. Nope, doesn’t work that way. According to standard psychological measures, anything we wish to make a habit takes a minimum of thirty days continuous practice to put into longterm memory. And as far as I’ve found, that’s just the beginning - what you have to do to get it into your consciousness again and again on a daily basis. Doesn’t mean you’re "home free" by a long shot though.

If you really want to make a new change hold every day, then DO IT every day. If that means having a new viewpoint, then use your favorite energy therapy method to install that viewpoint, again and again, every day. Meditate on what you want as a sacred practice.

Ghandi said: "Be the change you wish to see in the world". And as you live that change, keep checking to see what the strength of the new viewpoint is (or whatever your new perspective might have you do, be or have) before you practice. If not 100% - even 110%, then you still need to practice. If you find yourself slipping, you still need to practice.

Will the need to practice ever stop? Probably. In time you’ll find these things you want are engrained, like creases in old leather into the fabric of your life. Remember when you first learned a skill like driving a car? In the beginning, for the first year or so, it was a tricky operation coordinating many parts at once. You may have broken a sweat just thinking about all there was to coordinate. A few years later, you’re an old pro, with no need to run through that mental checklist you probably had when you first started out.

When you can smile about the thing you practiced over and it is no longer a stressor but a part of you, then it is time to let that thing go and replace it with another….or not, as you choose. 

But do get used to the idea that practice is a daily thing. Just like brushing your teeth. In fact, that’s a great time to do this kind of practice. When you get up in the morning and head into the bathroom - rejoice! You’ve got five or ten minutes, brushing, shaving and so on, that you can also engage in practice and meditation on the kind of person you want to be this day.

Even the Dalai Lama, experienced monk and meditator that he is, says that he deeply values his daily practice. Not because he fears backsliding, but because it reminds him of who he wants to be and indeed…who he *is*.  Over and over, daily practice. His state of being as ours, is reinforced by daily practice.

And when I speak of practice, this is not a religious thing, but the act of recreating anew each day the world you want to live in, beginning with the only thing in it that you can change: yourself.

We all want the magic pill, the "one shining moment that changes everything forever". And we do have those moments, but to use the zen saying, "Before enlightenment, chop wood, carry water. After enlightement, chop wood, carry water." It’s the same with installing, living and being from a new perspective.

Have a stellar day Peter, thanks for this question!

I was on penicillin for this whole week after my gum surgery, and could feel the toxins from that and the drugs they gave me during surgery building into yuck, so I decided to take a bath. I mostly shower, but when I take a bath I often indulge in my own patented process "Auntie M’s Daily Detox" bath. Gentle enough you can do it every day if you like, and helps rid the body of the toxins that can build up in even a clean-living body, just from the stress of modern living. Here’s how:

Pre-Preparation: First, use a vegetable fiber brush (nylon is too abrasive to the skin) to vigorously dry brush your entire body inwards toward your heart - up from the feet and down from the neck (leave the face for a rough washcloth in the bath). This will exfoliate the top layer of skin that often clogs our pores and prevents us from detoxing effectively. This will get your heart going, so wait until you’ve calmed down and cooled off a little before you hop in the bath.

The Bath Itself: Into a very warm (not boiling but as hot as you can take) bath put a pound of sea salt, a pound of epsom salts and a pound of baking soda in the bath, and swirl to mix. I add a few drops lavender oil for its harmonizing and generically curative effects. You might see the water turn a funny shade as the toxins are pulled out of your pores. If it looks muddy , gray or even pink, that’s fine, that just tells you the salts and soda are doing their work.

Soak as long as you can, rubbing your skin at least once all over with a rough washcloth (don’t use a nylon glove or cloth as this is too rough - stick to natural fabrics) to get even more dead skin and toxins off. This is a salt-rich bath and you don’t want to end up with a fine coating of salt crystals on your skin after you dry off, so drain your bath, then stand and rinse off thoroughly under a slightly cool shower. This will also wash off any remaining toxins and seal your pores. You should feel smooth as a newborn baby and feel wonderfully warm and glowing with health.

Afterglow: If you use any moisturisers after your bath, PLEASE make sure they don’t contain propyl glycol (antifreeze), anything ending in -paraben (methyl paraben, ethyl paraben), lauryl or laureth sulfate or any other toxic and carcinogenic cosmetic additives. Even some healthfood products can contain these. Don’t put back in what you’ve just taken out! Check labels for healthiest outcomes.

A great way to safely moisturize yourself is while still wet from your bath: take a spoonful of sesame oil (very light), grapeseed oil or coconut oil and rub it between both palms, smoothing over your entire body. This doesn’t feel greasy and if you like a bit of scent, you can add a scant drop of lavender, ylang-ylang or sandalwood, all of which are warming and harmonizing.

Keep yourself warm after such a bath - it’s good to take such a bath close to bedtime and to bundle up and go to bed right after. Your sleep will be deep and sweet when you do this.

For more info on non-toxic cosmetic substitutions for the health of your body, see AvianWeb’s Non-Toxic Personal Care page