Everyday Bliss For Women In Leadership

It’s rare anymore, but I sometimes get potential clients who wonder why I refer them to other coaches when they say “But it’s YOU I really want to work with!”. Sometimes I feel I’m simply not the best coach for them and that what they really need is to be found with another coach I can refer them to. Sometimes people want coaching, but they really aren’t ready for the kind of intensity such a relationship can generate, or are a wee bit too comfortable in their rut to really work at change. Sometimes a different level of expertise or specialty is called for. And then, there are those who are simply “coachability impaired”.

To correct what may be a widespread assumption, coaches are not obliged to help all and sundry. Though many varieties of coaching exist for the wide variety of clients that exist, coaching by its very nature is a profession that demands one’s highest and best performance. To assure that, coaches are choosy and only work with clients that fit our particular skillsets and energetic bandwidth - just like other service providers. You don’t see a lawyer for a heart transplant. Likewise, a C-level executive seeking snappy, fast-paced high performance coaching wouldn’t employ a creativity, academic or ADD coach. For different needs there are different talents and specialties in the coaching world. That extends also to the personality of client being coached, in what we refer to as “coachability”.

To protect our energies and precious time from being wasted, we all have our red velvet ropes and sets of immutable parameters past which folks who aren’t at a certain level, are not permitted. To attempt to coach people who are resistant to change, aren’t ready for a coaching partnership or are not willing to expand their horizons would be an exercise in frustration and futility for both coach and client. Most experienced coaches can size potential clients like this up in a few heartbeats. It only takes a few to drain you dry before you develop such instincts. And in a nod to Bea, it’s not arrogance or snobbery, but self-preservation and conservation of resources at the heart of the golden restraining posts holding up that red velvet rope.

Thanks and a tippo of the “you said it” hat goes to Seth Godin for his Distinctionary entry below, on “What Coachable Means in Real Life”. You go, my brother.

Coachable

A friend is wrestling with his ability to be coached. For the coachable, “Turn right at the light” is seen as a helpful suggestion for someone lost in a strange town… the advice goes in, is considered and then acted upon. For someone wrestling with coaching, though, it’s like surgery. It’s painful, it has side effects and it might lead to a bad reaction.

Coaching happens all the time. Most often, it’s not from a boss or a professional coach. In fact, the best insights and advice usually come from informal or unexpected sources.

In fluid marketing and organization environments, where the world changes rapidly, coachability is a key factor in evolving and succeeding. Not because all advice is good advice. In fact, most advice is lousy advice. No, the reason coachability is so crucial is that without it, you don’t have the emotional maturity to consider whether the advice is good or not. You reject the process out of hand, and end up stuck.

Symptoms of uncoachability:

* Challenging the credentials of the coach
* Announcing that you’re being unfairly singled out
* Pointing out, angrily, that the last few times, the coach was wrong
* Identifying others who have succeeded without ever being coached
* Resisting a path merely because it was one identified by a coach

Years ago, at the great Bolshoi Ballet, auditions for the troupe were conducted among 8 year old girls. That’s because it took ten years to become great. How did the auditions work? The teachers weren’t looking for the best dancers. They were looking for the dancers who took coaching the best. The rest would come with time.

See the original at Seth Godin’s Blog, and Bea’s post on “Topgrading”.

If you’re reading this blog, then you’re undoubtedly dedicated to the experience of Everyday Bliss. So I KNOW you’ll want to participate in the FREE Teleclass I’m doing TODAY with Ellen Britt, for her Everyday Qi program.

I’ll be sharing the first FIVE Keys to Everyday Bliss from my upcoming Everyday Bliss For Busy Women book, a technique you can use to rev up your energy (even when you are tired, ill or have had a horrible day) and how to use the energy of intention to transform your  limitations into a precious treasure.

Interested? Calendar open at 5pm Pacific / 8pm Eastern TODAY, Wednesday 5/23?

Great!  Sign up here:

http://www.everydayqi.com/signup4webster.html

There are MASSES of goodies included of course,  and you’ll also get to hear LOTS of other fantastic speakers on energy techniques and other health and wellness promotion info that you can really use.

See you there!

Warmly,
Maryam

This is THE Blog for you if you’re a Woman who desires to live a life of  Everyday Bliss. Though that necessarily requires a bit of work on yourself, Bliss also BEGINS with accepting you for WHO YOU ARE.  Your thighs are thin enough. Trust me, my thighs are bigger than yours and it doesn’t keep me up nights. Bliss is knowing that things are okay as they are, you’re just fine, you are living a Guided life, and what needs to change will take care of itself.

TODAY my friend the renowned "Comfort Queen", Jennifer Louden, has declared an international holiday:

May 15, 2007:  Freedom From Self Improvement Day

Self-improvement is a one-way ticket to misery, Jen says. She endorses a path to happiness and fulfillment that starts with acceptance of who and where you are.

As a certified Bliss Booster, I couldn’t agree more.

As we give gratitude for what is good and wonderful in our lives, we need to start with ourselves - WHOMever you are, WHEREever you are and WHATever is going on in your life….is all just fine. 

“Beating ourselves up because our thighs aren’t thin enough, or because we still haven’t perfected the art of ‘positive thinking’ hasn’t made us happier or the world a better place,” says Jen, whose books include The Woman’s Comfort Book and her recently released The Life Organizer: A Woman’s Guide to a Mindful Year.

“Inner peace through endless self-improvement only serves to make us endlessly dissatisfied and disappointed. The biggest paradox in trying to change ourselves is that nothing happens until we embrace who and how we are right now, imperfections, perceived flaws and all.” she says.

I’ll add that it is only then that you can go forward out of what isn’t what you want and engage the Law of Attraction to get what you want. That Gratitude for What Is, is absolutely essential. And it needs to be legitimate gratitude, not merely mouthed insincerely.

My recommendation, if you’re not to the happy place with where you are yet, is to start with the EFT Personal Peace Procedure. Being at peace with yourself is key to Everyday Bliss.

The day will include a number of resources to encourage self-acceptance, ban self-improvement, and have fun while doing it, including a “Declaration of Independence from Self-Improvement,” audio downloads contributed by a host of best-selling authors and spiritual teachers, and suggested activities for celebrating our beautiful, imperfect selves.

To get a comprehensive run-down on what Jen is offering, check her blog out at:

http://freedomfromselfimprovement.com

And drop the shoulda-coulda-woulda’s, don’ts and must-do’s that litter your life and poison personal peace.

Be Kind to You.

Be gentle and compassionate with your dear, precious self. 

To quote Jen: "True change is a result of self-love, not self-hatred.”  You said it, girlfriend.

A Powerful Pointer To Bliss:

Yoga is not simply the science and art of moving your body into a pretzel shape or sweating at high temperatures. The majority of yoga is concerned with "your inner pretzel", or yoga to develop the mind and soul. Inspiration is a powerful motivator and pointer towards enlightenment. The following is a quote by the great Indian sage Patanjali on the subject of inspiration:

When you are inspired by some great purpose,
some extraordinary project,
all of your thoughts break their bonds
Your mind transcends limitations.
Your consciousness expands in every direction.
And you find yourself in a new, great and wonderful world.
Dormant forces, faculties and talents come alive
and you discover yourself to be a greater person
by far than you ever dreamed yourself to be.

So if you’re feeling piddly, puny and small, think about why you’re here on the earth - the real reason. Not the laundry list of things you have to do before the next board meeting or team call…or for that matter, your laundry. Focus on what juices you, even though right now you can’t see how it will help you work through your management issue, product distribution troubles, or get a thousand pounds of rice into your charity’s warehouse, or…

Address any thoughts, beliefs and blockages to living fully expressed and in flow with the universe with ZPoint, EFT or your favorite energy therapy. These thoughts and beliefs bind us and keep us from fully expressing as Source. As you lose this bondage, those dormant forces, faculties and talents Patanjali speaks of will pop out of the woodwork with an energy and swiftness and appropriateness that will astonish and delight you. And you will discover yourself to be a greater person that you ever dreamed you could be.

Enjoy the Bliss!!

The below is a bit technical but for Kamala AND Marion, who asked. This reply in particular was to Marion, on the NCC list:

…I deal with fear-bashing on a daily basis and it’s one of the first things I teach the energy coaches I train. First of all one of the presuppositions that we work by which comes from neurolinguistic programming:

"There is no Failure - Only Feedback"

Once a person really gets this, the shame, guilt and upset that accompanies such fear is taken down significantly. When they try at a task and perceive that they "fail" again and again, they are in reality researchers in their own lives, gathering data. They have reached several plateaus in their data gathering that tell them that this is another way not to accomplish the task they are addressing. This is wonderful, for they are weeding down the thousands of possible choices to the ones that really matter, that will get them "there" - wherever that is.

Here is the process we use to deal with Fear of any kind, in The Everyday Bliss Process and Energy Coaching in general:

First I do reality checking. Is this a realistic fear? If not, we present a reframing primarily and may or may not go further. Often this is all that is required, but if not we will go on to do a belief change process and sometimes a recoding of the base formative decision with the client’s choice of energy change modalities. ZPoint Process is my current favorite, though TAT and EFT are also excellent for this purpose.

We also want to know in the case of a major personality base-matrix decision, if this is a present fear, or something that has been sown in childhood as most root fears are. When we have a fear of basic core states like success and failure, they are without exception, no matter how recent a trigger experience might have been, rooted deep in childhood - one’s first experiences with authority. While it is immaterial with some of the more advanced of the energy change modalities to know exactly when and what happened, clients will often have a sense of this.

Whether they remember a pivotal moment or not, we:

1) Reframe at all levels, but particularly the kinesthetic (how this feeling of fear sits in their body or mind) using a variety of techniques

2) Recode the decision made as a result of the initiating experience (the "I’m afraid to fail (because when I do I am beaten or yelled at)" or "I will NEVER be successful (because all successful people are jerks and I hate jerks)…and in fact, I’m afraid of success")

3) Do a conflict integration in the case of a double-bind which is nearly always present in Fear based beliefs, and finally

4) Instill a new decision about the childhood experience, plus a choice the client makes about how they would rather view the thing once feared.

Here’s an example: A father hits his child when the child fails tests at school, yelling at him and calling him stupid. The child over time concludes that they are stupid and that they are incapable of success, because the authority figures they trust, the father and perhaps a teacher or two tells them so. Perhaps not directly, but children are masters of reading implication.

Decisions Made as a result of this: "I am stupid"  + "I cannot be successful" and there’s a hidden one there too: "When I fail, I experience pain" and the real whammy: "I’m frightened to fail, yet I can never succeed"

This is a classic double-bind and sets the child up for a lifetime of failure, pain, and self-destruction. While these ‘failures’ may be only minor, they are experienced as shattering.

Such an individual as an adult might choose the new decision of "Father didn’t know what he was talking about, he was speaking from his own pain and had no idea about my capabilities. Therefore, I cannot trust or believe what he told me then."  and the Choice of "I am infinitely capable and have proven it many times. I have a college degree - stupid people don’t get degrees, only smart people do. Therefore I know that I am smart enough and I choose to feel okay about who I am. I enjoy succeeding, and know that I have all it takes to be successful. I’ve proven this many times in my life…."

The client will ideally go on to fill in the blanks of a good handful of the times they have successfully accomplished a task. Any task is relevant, no matter how small.

The point is to provide as many counter-examples to the perceived sense of failure as possible.

Much of this is derived from neurolinguistic programming, though accomplished in Energy Coaching through the sophisticated use of the simple-to-practice energy changework techniques EFT, ZPoint and TAT.

I hope this wasn’t too academic and can be helpful to coaches and therapists alike out there - you can do much of this in a talking mode with a client using appreciative inquiry as well. Enjoy!

Warm Blessings,
Maryam

How’s Your Chi/Mana/Prana/Qi Quotient?

For you Energy savvy out there, don’t forget to register for the excellent  ‘Everyday Qi’ energy telesummit! I’m one of ten expert participants who are going to be speaking on health and wellness and will be organizer Ellen Britt’s guest in late May, but there’s a whole host of others you will love to hear from too. More info, and f. ree registration here:

http://everydayqi.com/maryam/

Something Very Cool For Coaches, Therapists and Other Service Professionals ONLY

And if you’re a coach, therapist or someone else who needs more profits plus a way to sell your audios, videos, ebooks, private sessions and such, join me at FreeIQ where you can do just that - they market your products for you for a minimal honorarium. Absolutely excellent.  To find out and get on the boat before it’s released to the public, click this link to check it out here:

http://beta.freeiq.com/access/

Here’s the sample of one of my most popular audios I’ve put up, so you can get an idea of how this system works:

http://beta.freeiq.com/conqueroverwhelm

Fr eeIQ’s got a few glitches, but looks very promising as a content distribution system, and they’ll be ironing the glitches out soon.

Running A Service Business With Heart? Still can’t get enough Clients, Need to Know How to Make a CD, Create a Joint Venture, Cash in on Affiliate Income?

And if you’re like we were when we started out, are you also clueless as to how to make your business exquisitely profitable? We know how it is, we’ve been there. And we’re sharing every single secret we’ve learned on the way to profitability and world-changing, heart centered businesses that are the joy of our lives. 

Come pick up our free eCourse "Seven Deadly Mistakes Service Marketers Make" and get your business up and making money in 90 Days… If you’re still struggling in your business, and still need to know best Practices In Running an Energy Therapy Business please do join Betsy Muller, myself and our 10 expert adjunct-faculty in the virtual version of our Tao of Ka- Ching Service Business Maximizer Program at:

taokaching.com  (sorry, offer no longer available)

If you are as troubled as I am about the Virgina Tech massacre, you might be feeling a little helpless and frustrated right now. I know I sure was once the bulletins stopped flying and the shock wore off a bit. It was a little like 9/11 all over again.

I’m a person that feels very deeply. And as I watched the news, a feeling of panic rose…my breathing got real shallow….tears welled up and hovered in my eyes as I watched the tragedy unfold.

I thought how senseless and what a cruel shame it was that those young people’s lives were cut short, and how horrible for the survivors desperate for answers that the police were saying we’d probably never know why.

And then….I remembered I could breathe, and I remembered that I had the choice to say my cue word, or tap or hold the TAT pose. I did all three. Plus about ten minutes of the three different kinds of cross-crawls.

Tragedies like this snarl both our emotions and our energy fields….

Self-care is really important during a time like this. So if you’re affected, or if you were actually involved, then go here right now and learn how to take care of yourself:

http://quantumflow.com/stressrelief.html

I also want to remind everyone that just as we have the ability to tap, pose and cue for ourselves, we can also lend selfless service to those who are still suffering.

While this may seem initially unhelpful to hear…

And while *of course* we all need a decent period to grieve our losses…

Let’s also remind ourselves that *undue* suffering is, truly, optional. And, that we who have taken the pledge to help others….can help ourselves best at times like this…by doing both our own work AND surrogate energy therapy for those who don’t yet know that they need not suffer.

So join all of the people in the Energy Field who are massing together to help alleviate this and other suffering, doing whatever you know best. For the power of Prayer has been proven by university study, and the power of our own Intention is great and well documented. And we know that there is no real distance between us, for we are all one in the Zero Point Field. (if you don’t yet know what this is all about, then by all means read Lynne McTaggart’s book ‘The Field: Search For The Mysterious Force of the Universe)

To quote my good friend Kim George:

‘Do What You Can Do and Know that What is Meant for You, Can Never Be Lost’

(From: http://coachingintogreatness.com)

Until next time, my warmest blessings,
Maryam

Still skeptical about the power of The Law of Attraction as taught in The Secret Movie?? Then get on the bus and TEST DRIVE "The Secret" with Andy Wibbels and I for the next 30 Days. You can rev up here:

http://secretskeptic.com

Check out Andy’s MindMap of the Law of Attraction history here:
http://andywibbels.com/uploads/Image/secret_map.jpg

And be sure to listen to the "Getting The Secret" call Andy and I did last week:

People really loved the call as did we. Andy and I were overwhelmed with all the lovely comments folks made after the call. Here’s what people are saying:

Wow, Andy. This was a great call. And I am now a HUGE Maryam Webster fan. She does a great job of straddling the woo-woo with the practical. And I’m so glad someone spoke to how the Law of Attraction isn’t just about getting stuff. It’s a path of deep personal unfoldment and enrichment. Congrats!

- Nancy Tierney  http://www.unconditionalconfidence.com/

This call was amazingly helpful! Thanks for opening the dialogue and for having Maryam on to give us a real how-to. I’ve been focusing on making my mental shifts since Halloween. This call really revved up my evolution! Thanks to you both!

- Lynn Ward  http://thrivingafter50.com

We had a great time on the Tao of Ka-Ching Intro Class today. If you didn’t get a chance to listen to it, the replay is available on our Tao of Ka-Ching website, here:

http://taokaching.com

And now, to answer a Very Important Question that came up on the call:

Baya, on the call from the U.K. mentioned her overwhelm at the bewildering array of different things to do to boost her business and increase pro.fits. She’s already spending most of her time working, but says she would need several days to study a tool like Google Adsense, for example. She concludes with "..in the meanwhile, I am not making any money! I am lucky because I have a good practise but would like to expand it much more"

Baya, I regret we didn’t have the time to go into this on the call - I wish we’d had another hour!

We’ll definitely go WAY DEEP into this problem in the Tao of Ka-Ching class experience. But since this is such a WIDESPREAD problem, I’d like to give a bit more of an answer here. I don’t know your business or you, but I’m glad to meet you. :-)  I’d venture to say however, that you don’t have a solid foundation to your business, or that your foundation has changed significantly since you formulated your first business plan.

When I say business foundation I mean:

• You know exactly what your business vision, mission and purpose is, you know exactly what you offer and who you serve and exactly how you do that.
• You know who your ideal client is and you work with NO ONE but that kind of person.
• You have the granularity of your business down pat and have no suprises or sudden emergencies you can’t handle immediately because you have protocols put into place.
• Your business operations manual not only exists, but is up to date.
• You don’t waste time, ever. And you have at least one employee hired on at least a part time basis to take care of the busy work and mundanities, so you can concentrate ONLY on doing what you love.

That sound familiar? Have all this under control? No? Then it’s no suprise that you find yourself with little time and overwhelmed by all the options. Even if you work a day job, you can still  manage your time and create even more time than you think you have! And knowledge of the fundamental business elements above will let you know, instantly, what you need in terms of classes, resources and so-on to improve your business. With this knowledge you won’t be jumping on every bandwagon that rolls by, you’ll know which opportunities are a unique fit for your business.

Here’s some homwork for you Baya, and everyone else who has the same problem, straight from the Tao of Ka-Ching Homework archives - a little sneak peek for you!

It’s not going to be the most exciting thing you do all week, but you will get a very GOOD idea of where your time is going by completing this homework assignment. This is the first step in creating *more* time. And it’s this: document every FIFTEEN minutes through your waking day, for a week. You can do this simply by making a grid with every fifteen minute increment marked out from the time you wake up until bedtime (yep, bedtime). And yep, fifteen minutes. Twenty is too much, you can switch activities several times even in as low as the fifteen minute increment. So you’ll have  four opportunities an hour to make a real quick note of what you’re doing, and choose to do something different…if you want.

Use a shorthand system to mark the grid, such as "W" for work related activities, "F" for family time, "P" for scheduled personal time such as grooming, meditation, yoga, etc, "E" for exercise,  "R" for "recreation" such as reading non-work related material, non-work related web surfing, online gaming, television watching, going out for activities, "M" for miscellaneous - anything that doesn’t fit elsewhere. Make a small note on what you’re doing in each square of the grid. As the squares start to add up, you’re going to begin to see where the extra time in your day is hiding. 

This may not be as exciting as just floating through your day unencumbered, but remember that you’re like a sniffer dog on the trail of extra time. It’s there, it’s just doing a clever job of disguising itself among other activities. Sniff it out! Rebelling against the idea of documenting your days? That’s just fear inside you talking. This is usually fear of success (if you don’t identify as successful yet, there’s definitely fear there), fear of losing something you value through being more scheduled…the possibilities are as many as there are human beings out there.

Deal with this rebellion-disguised-as-fear using your favorite energy therapy method: EFT, ZPoint Process, TAT, BSFF or others.

There’s more to getting ahold of your time and knowing what to invest it in, that we will deal with in the Tao of Ka-Ching 90 Day Program. Try this exercise though - you’ll really get a LOT out of it!

Remember - you can grab the "Extended Earlybird" price on the Tao of Ka-Ching Program for the next 24 hours. After 6pm Eastern on Tuesday Jan 30th, the bird flies off forever again! Check the program out here: taokaching.com  Then Grab The EarlyBird, here:

http://snipurl.com/TKCspecial

Hey folks! I wanted to let you know that Tao Of Ka-Ching Adjunct Faculty member Andy Wibbels is giving his most amazing "Easy Bake Weblogs" class starting next week. This is the course that started me and many other coaches out blogging for our businesses and heck, just for fun. I can’t tell you how many business connections I’ve made since EasyBake, so if you’re looking to get started, this would be the class.

Go ahead and click here:  Easy Bake Weblogs to see what this is all about and why you NEED a blog to max your business potential. Or, keep reading to check out what you get:

EasyBake Is…

• A 4 part course with Andy Wibbels with 4 weekly 1-hour calls.
• Includes webcast.
• All calls are recorded. Audio archives from previous runs of the course are also available.
• Library of tutorials and Flash demos.
• Instant,
  anywhere, lifetime access. Archives are available forever from any
  internet connection on any browser. Free registration for future runs
  of the course.
• 60-day money back guarantee.

Main points covered:

• Creating your first blog (on your TypePad blog)
• Customizing your blog to suit your business
• Techniques for maximizing your business blog

Plus which I can tell you that it’s an awful lot of fun. And if you don’t know Andy yet, he’s a hoot! The thing I like is that you can keep on coming back again and again for life if you want. Andy’s always there to answer a question, and the Easy Bake community is really supportive. Easy Bake Weblogs for all your blogging needs!