Everyday Bliss For Women In Leadership

Seth Godin recently blogged about being lonely, saying "People spend money..and invest time and enormous energy to solve this problem…"  Loneliness can be a big problem, but it doesn’t have to cost you money to solve. In working with clients from busy moms to corporate executives, I find every one of them is lonely at some point in time. Many are lonely for long stretches, and are even lonely in the midst of a pack of third-graders clamoring for juice, busy board meetings or even hanging out with friends, family or colleagues. Either they’re not making time in their day for fulfilling relationships, looking for ideal people that just aren’t in their environment, or looking for something that doesn’t exist.

Sometimes these women reveal fantasy to be at the heart of their dreams of curing loneliness. We often want what we can’t have - the unobtainable popular or wealthy person to be a comfort, those dear ones who are long dead, or comrades who look like the close-knit group of friends from a favorite television show. These busy, successful women are not lonely hermits, but people with friends, communities and loving families. They sometimes feel their burdens are too great to impose upon the time of those families and friends. Or they have other unrealistic beliefs that limit their ability to reach out.

One of the best things about lonely is that its easily curable once unrealistic expectations are surpassed.

If you are lonely, don’t sit at home or in the office feeling sorry for yourself. Here are a few pro-active steps to take, and one security precaution you need to know about and below that, my All-Time Best Anti-Lonliness Tip:

• If your workmates go out at lunch or after work, contrive to be included - EVEN IF they aren’t the "ideal" people you want to hang out with.

• If you meet other moms at the park, make a point of speaking to them and getting to know them better. Invite them for coffee or play dates with your kids EVEN IF they aren’t of your religion, educational background or social strata.

• If  you have a home office, make a date with another home worker to meet at a coffee shop a few times a week and plug your laptop into the coffee shop’s wireless system to get your admin work done.

• And if you’re concerned about security using a coffeeshop’s wireless system, try the comprehensive JiWire WiFi Hotspot locator, email enabler and WiFi security system here: http://www.jiwire.com/hotspot-helper.htm

You’ll widen your world when you take these proactive steps. And if those immediately surrounding you aren’t 100% your cup of tea, by at least making the effort, you’re telling the Universe that you’re open to meeting new people. As long as you keep focusing your mind on exactly who you want to meet and tell those you’re with, sooner or later you will. Plant seeds of ideas in those around you like this: "Say, I’d like to meet some other Green Party vegetarians - do you know any?" Your workmates might not, but for sure they’ll remember you when their aunt mentions her neighbor, the eco-friendly vegan woman. And they’ll mention it to you. Such are connections formed, that end loneliness.

Now, The Number One Tip For Curing Loneliness:

Be In Service To Others

Focusing on those who are in the most need will help you make lonliness a thing of the past. Visit, help out or volunteer your time with the elderly and/or with children. If the idea of being with seniors makes you roll your eyes, look in the mirror sunshine - you’ll be there soon yourself. Make friends with the inevitable and know that today’s older folks aren’t the older folks of your childhood. If your remembrance of relatives in warehouse homes is keeping you away, it shouldn’t. Seniors today are peppier far longer into their golden years than they used to be. Those that are living in communal housing environments or nursing homes are dying for want of just a little bit of company - either a one time visit or an ongoing gig. What about going hiking or on a visit to the local gardens with an elder who has no family to visit them? 

Increasingly, seniors are leading active lives well into their 70’s, 80’s and 90’s.

One thing’s sure, you’ll be curing two people’s loneliness at least ,and learn a whole lot into the bargain. Our world’s greatest repository of wisdom lies in the still-active hearts and minds of our elderly, and they’re a hoot to hang out with. It may not be the ideal relationship you’re looking for, but being with the elderly broadens your life in ways you cannot any other way.

If you have a special skill, like teaching yoga, self-defense or something more stationary like making candles, soap or paper, writing a novel, advice on stock trading or real estate investing - elders in your community would love to learn, and you would stand the chance of alleviating the lonliness of many more than just one. Check your local community college senior section and city senior care programs. Good karma goes a long way in alleviating your own lonliness.

Children Need You Too
If you’re not a parent, you probably don’t know that in America, our public school systems are in deep trouble. Teachers are having to purchase notebooks and pencils - textbooks in some places. I won’t go on a political rant here, but the situation is dire indeed. If you want to cure your loneliness, volunteer at your local elementary school, junior high or high school. Many schools don’t ask for a constant commitment and are pleased as punch if you want to come in just an hour or two a week or on a one time basis to share your special skill or talents. Conact your local schools to learn more or go through your local area’s volunteer programs. A tip: Younger children tend to be more appreciative of your time than older ones, but the need is prevalent at all levels. If you crave attention and appreciation however, the little ones are you best bet…but the older kids need you just as much, sometimes more.

Cultivation of Everyday Bliss without giveback is little more than selfish pampering. If you’re not giving back and sharing your life, time and talents with others, you’re not truly living. And the Law of Tenfold Return  "what you give out returns to you tenfold" is true. Whether you’re lonely or not, go forth and give back, so that you may receive.

If you’re reading this blog, then you’re undoubtedly dedicated to the experience of Everyday Bliss. So I KNOW you’ll want to participate in the FREE Teleclass I’m doing TODAY with Ellen Britt, for her Everyday Qi program.

I’ll be sharing the first FIVE Keys to Everyday Bliss from my upcoming Everyday Bliss For Busy Women book, a technique you can use to rev up your energy (even when you are tired, ill or have had a horrible day) and how to use the energy of intention to transform your  limitations into a precious treasure.

Interested? Calendar open at 5pm Pacific / 8pm Eastern TODAY, Wednesday 5/23?

Great!  Sign up here:

http://www.everydayqi.com/signup4webster.html

There are MASSES of goodies included of course,  and you’ll also get to hear LOTS of other fantastic speakers on energy techniques and other health and wellness promotion info that you can really use.

See you there!

Warmly,
Maryam

This is THE Blog for you if you’re a Woman who desires to live a life of  Everyday Bliss. Though that necessarily requires a bit of work on yourself, Bliss also BEGINS with accepting you for WHO YOU ARE.  Your thighs are thin enough. Trust me, my thighs are bigger than yours and it doesn’t keep me up nights. Bliss is knowing that things are okay as they are, you’re just fine, you are living a Guided life, and what needs to change will take care of itself.

TODAY my friend the renowned "Comfort Queen", Jennifer Louden, has declared an international holiday:

May 15, 2007:  Freedom From Self Improvement Day

Self-improvement is a one-way ticket to misery, Jen says. She endorses a path to happiness and fulfillment that starts with acceptance of who and where you are.

As a certified Bliss Booster, I couldn’t agree more.

As we give gratitude for what is good and wonderful in our lives, we need to start with ourselves - WHOMever you are, WHEREever you are and WHATever is going on in your life….is all just fine. 

“Beating ourselves up because our thighs aren’t thin enough, or because we still haven’t perfected the art of ‘positive thinking’ hasn’t made us happier or the world a better place,” says Jen, whose books include The Woman’s Comfort Book and her recently released The Life Organizer: A Woman’s Guide to a Mindful Year.

“Inner peace through endless self-improvement only serves to make us endlessly dissatisfied and disappointed. The biggest paradox in trying to change ourselves is that nothing happens until we embrace who and how we are right now, imperfections, perceived flaws and all.” she says.

I’ll add that it is only then that you can go forward out of what isn’t what you want and engage the Law of Attraction to get what you want. That Gratitude for What Is, is absolutely essential. And it needs to be legitimate gratitude, not merely mouthed insincerely.

My recommendation, if you’re not to the happy place with where you are yet, is to start with the EFT Personal Peace Procedure. Being at peace with yourself is key to Everyday Bliss.

The day will include a number of resources to encourage self-acceptance, ban self-improvement, and have fun while doing it, including a “Declaration of Independence from Self-Improvement,” audio downloads contributed by a host of best-selling authors and spiritual teachers, and suggested activities for celebrating our beautiful, imperfect selves.

To get a comprehensive run-down on what Jen is offering, check her blog out at:

http://freedomfromselfimprovement.com

And drop the shoulda-coulda-woulda’s, don’ts and must-do’s that litter your life and poison personal peace.

Be Kind to You.

Be gentle and compassionate with your dear, precious self. 

To quote Jen: "True change is a result of self-love, not self-hatred.”  You said it, girlfriend.

By the time you read this, I’ll be on a jet plane and flown off to Massachussets to visit NLP and Coaching friends, do a little teaching, a smattering of processes and have a lot of fun. When I get back in a week, I’m sure I’ll have plenty of stories to tell and new processes to share as I’m meeting with, among other colleagues, good buddy and NLP legend, Harvard Business School’s own Stever Robbins. It’s bound to be fun and there will be declaiming on Cambridge Common to be listened to. Come join me for a picnic lunch if you’re on Cambridge Common by the Whitefield Elm at noon, this Friday, May 18th. I’ll be speaking on Energy Therapies and I’d love to meet you!

Until next time, don’t forget the fabulous giveaway going on ONLY until the END OF MAY at:

http://maryamrecommends.com/selfimprovement.html

TONS of self improvement gifts, freebies, software, memberships and so on.

And just wait for tomorrow, when you’ll see quite a DIFFERENT face on the "improve thyself" ticket.

Wait for it!

Love & Blessings,
Maryam

A Powerful Pointer To Bliss:

Yoga is not simply the science and art of moving your body into a pretzel shape or sweating at high temperatures. The majority of yoga is concerned with "your inner pretzel", or yoga to develop the mind and soul. Inspiration is a powerful motivator and pointer towards enlightenment. The following is a quote by the great Indian sage Patanjali on the subject of inspiration:

When you are inspired by some great purpose,
some extraordinary project,
all of your thoughts break their bonds
Your mind transcends limitations.
Your consciousness expands in every direction.
And you find yourself in a new, great and wonderful world.
Dormant forces, faculties and talents come alive
and you discover yourself to be a greater person
by far than you ever dreamed yourself to be.

So if you’re feeling piddly, puny and small, think about why you’re here on the earth - the real reason. Not the laundry list of things you have to do before the next board meeting or team call…or for that matter, your laundry. Focus on what juices you, even though right now you can’t see how it will help you work through your management issue, product distribution troubles, or get a thousand pounds of rice into your charity’s warehouse, or…

Address any thoughts, beliefs and blockages to living fully expressed and in flow with the universe with ZPoint, EFT or your favorite energy therapy. These thoughts and beliefs bind us and keep us from fully expressing as Source. As you lose this bondage, those dormant forces, faculties and talents Patanjali speaks of will pop out of the woodwork with an energy and swiftness and appropriateness that will astonish and delight you. And you will discover yourself to be a greater person that you ever dreamed you could be.

Enjoy the Bliss!!

The below is a bit technical but for Kamala AND Marion, who asked. This reply in particular was to Marion, on the NCC list:

…I deal with fear-bashing on a daily basis and it’s one of the first things I teach the energy coaches I train. First of all one of the presuppositions that we work by which comes from neurolinguistic programming:

"There is no Failure - Only Feedback"

Once a person really gets this, the shame, guilt and upset that accompanies such fear is taken down significantly. When they try at a task and perceive that they "fail" again and again, they are in reality researchers in their own lives, gathering data. They have reached several plateaus in their data gathering that tell them that this is another way not to accomplish the task they are addressing. This is wonderful, for they are weeding down the thousands of possible choices to the ones that really matter, that will get them "there" - wherever that is.

Here is the process we use to deal with Fear of any kind, in The Everyday Bliss Process and Energy Coaching in general:

First I do reality checking. Is this a realistic fear? If not, we present a reframing primarily and may or may not go further. Often this is all that is required, but if not we will go on to do a belief change process and sometimes a recoding of the base formative decision with the client’s choice of energy change modalities. ZPoint Process is my current favorite, though TAT and EFT are also excellent for this purpose.

We also want to know in the case of a major personality base-matrix decision, if this is a present fear, or something that has been sown in childhood as most root fears are. When we have a fear of basic core states like success and failure, they are without exception, no matter how recent a trigger experience might have been, rooted deep in childhood - one’s first experiences with authority. While it is immaterial with some of the more advanced of the energy change modalities to know exactly when and what happened, clients will often have a sense of this.

Whether they remember a pivotal moment or not, we:

1) Reframe at all levels, but particularly the kinesthetic (how this feeling of fear sits in their body or mind) using a variety of techniques

2) Recode the decision made as a result of the initiating experience (the "I’m afraid to fail (because when I do I am beaten or yelled at)" or "I will NEVER be successful (because all successful people are jerks and I hate jerks)…and in fact, I’m afraid of success")

3) Do a conflict integration in the case of a double-bind which is nearly always present in Fear based beliefs, and finally

4) Instill a new decision about the childhood experience, plus a choice the client makes about how they would rather view the thing once feared.

Here’s an example: A father hits his child when the child fails tests at school, yelling at him and calling him stupid. The child over time concludes that they are stupid and that they are incapable of success, because the authority figures they trust, the father and perhaps a teacher or two tells them so. Perhaps not directly, but children are masters of reading implication.

Decisions Made as a result of this: "I am stupid"  + "I cannot be successful" and there’s a hidden one there too: "When I fail, I experience pain" and the real whammy: "I’m frightened to fail, yet I can never succeed"

This is a classic double-bind and sets the child up for a lifetime of failure, pain, and self-destruction. While these ‘failures’ may be only minor, they are experienced as shattering.

Such an individual as an adult might choose the new decision of "Father didn’t know what he was talking about, he was speaking from his own pain and had no idea about my capabilities. Therefore, I cannot trust or believe what he told me then."  and the Choice of "I am infinitely capable and have proven it many times. I have a college degree - stupid people don’t get degrees, only smart people do. Therefore I know that I am smart enough and I choose to feel okay about who I am. I enjoy succeeding, and know that I have all it takes to be successful. I’ve proven this many times in my life…."

The client will ideally go on to fill in the blanks of a good handful of the times they have successfully accomplished a task. Any task is relevant, no matter how small.

The point is to provide as many counter-examples to the perceived sense of failure as possible.

Much of this is derived from neurolinguistic programming, though accomplished in Energy Coaching through the sophisticated use of the simple-to-practice energy changework techniques EFT, ZPoint and TAT.

I hope this wasn’t too academic and can be helpful to coaches and therapists alike out there - you can do much of this in a talking mode with a client using appreciative inquiry as well. Enjoy!

Warm Blessings,
Maryam

I do enjoy marking the passages of the year-wheel with other kindred spirits. A riotous bit of good fun I have a great deal of fondness for is the annual Morris Maying at the Palo Alto, California, Baylands Nature Reserve. There’s a video below, but bear with me a second, some stage setting is in order.

We meet at 5:30am when it’s pitch dark, on the southern edge of the San Francisco Bay. Teams (called "sides") of Morris men (and women) dance up the sun and general frivolity and fun ensue. This ritual goes back at least 900 years in England, to judge from the radiocarbon dating of the reindeer horns used in the Abbots Bromley Horn Dance which leads off the festivities. Alas, it is far too dark to record the dance on video, so we made do with a historical slide show segeuing into the 2007 stills.

In our family’s tradition, the women stay up through the night making rose and flower crowns (which I always wear to the event) while the men cook us a scrumptious post-midnight repast. And of course, it’s considered de riguer to make love in the out of doors in the fields if possible (though it’s generally too cold). Traditionally, the morning’s dancing capped off a night of sympathetic magic ensuring bumper crops in the fields and encouraged the sun to rise to bestow its abundance upon the people.

Here are my videos and best recollection of the dance titles and personnel from May 1st, 2007. If I have made errors, I beg your forgiveness in advance. Contact me and I will be glad to amend the titling. The song sung at intro and outro is "Hal an Tow", a traditional Maying song that echoes the poignancy of the Horn Dance in its first verse:

Take no scorn, to wear the horns
It was the crest when you were born
Your father’s father wore it then,
Your father wore it too…

Needless to say, this verse is aimed at young men who, taking up their generation’s innovations, ’scorn’ what can seem to be the quaint antiqueries of their sires. Where does such a dance come from? While none truly know and the origins have been shrouded in the mists of time, my theory is that such a dance comes from the deer cults that existed in al primitive societies. Once England was covered from coast to coast with dense, impenetrable forests where the red deer reigned. Remember the caves at Lascaux and the pictures on their walls recounting the hunt? Many pictures of deer have been found all over Europe. The stag was a revered symbol of masculinity. Deer  and elk cults existed in native America and reindeer cults in northern Europe. All three of these animals are taxonomically related and their cults are among the strongest in terms of fertility, protection of the home and as symbols of masculinity. But enough of the lecture, you want to see the video.

This day, in May, 2007, the sun came up in fine fashion, cresting the top of the Diablo mountains to much hooting and huzzah-ing. See? Without us dancing the sun up, there’d be no crops this summer. I hope you’re properly grateful…  Enjoy!

If you are as troubled as I am about the Virgina Tech massacre, you might be feeling a little helpless and frustrated right now. I know I sure was once the bulletins stopped flying and the shock wore off a bit. It was a little like 9/11 all over again.

I’m a person that feels very deeply. And as I watched the news, a feeling of panic rose…my breathing got real shallow….tears welled up and hovered in my eyes as I watched the tragedy unfold.

I thought how senseless and what a cruel shame it was that those young people’s lives were cut short, and how horrible for the survivors desperate for answers that the police were saying we’d probably never know why.

And then….I remembered I could breathe, and I remembered that I had the choice to say my cue word, or tap or hold the TAT pose. I did all three. Plus about ten minutes of the three different kinds of cross-crawls.

Tragedies like this snarl both our emotions and our energy fields….

Self-care is really important during a time like this. So if you’re affected, or if you were actually involved, then go here right now and learn how to take care of yourself:

http://quantumflow.com/stressrelief.html

I also want to remind everyone that just as we have the ability to tap, pose and cue for ourselves, we can also lend selfless service to those who are still suffering.

While this may seem initially unhelpful to hear…

And while *of course* we all need a decent period to grieve our losses…

Let’s also remind ourselves that *undue* suffering is, truly, optional. And, that we who have taken the pledge to help others….can help ourselves best at times like this…by doing both our own work AND surrogate energy therapy for those who don’t yet know that they need not suffer.

So join all of the people in the Energy Field who are massing together to help alleviate this and other suffering, doing whatever you know best. For the power of Prayer has been proven by university study, and the power of our own Intention is great and well documented. And we know that there is no real distance between us, for we are all one in the Zero Point Field. (if you don’t yet know what this is all about, then by all means read Lynne McTaggart’s book ‘The Field: Search For The Mysterious Force of the Universe)

To quote my good friend Kim George:

‘Do What You Can Do and Know that What is Meant for You, Can Never Be Lost’

(From: http://coachingintogreatness.com)

Until next time, my warmest blessings,
Maryam

Could it be because I eat a lot of garlic?? We put it in our food, add it to our fresh veggie juices, make an and have it in teas when we do get ill…which isn’t often. Came across a great article from Ashland, Oregon herbalist, Julie Avena on this. If you’ve got a cough, flu or other inflammatory problem, listen up! This is great stuff:

Daily use of garlic has been known to prevent heart disease, balance blood pressure, lower cholesterol, and increase overall immunity. Eating raw or lightly cooked garlic is the best way to benefit from its healing virtues. Lightly cooking chopped garlic in olive oil helps to infuse the medicinal constituents into your meals. It is best to let the chopped garlic sit for ten minutes, adding it at the very end of the cooking process to preserve more allicin, the beneficial compound responsible for fighting disease. It is questionable whether encapsulated powdered garlic has any medicinal benefit at all.

When addressing an acute condition, only raw garlic will fight infections. Try it chopped and mixed in honey, juiced with vegetables (start with ¼ tsp garlic juice per 16 ounces of juice, up to 1 tsp garlic juice, every hour), sprinkled over soup or salad. Keep in mind that too much raw garlic can cause nausea, vomiting and irritation to the intestinal tract, so start with small doses. One should avoid taking raw garlic on an empty stomach.

Different solvents extract different constituents of garlic. Boulder herbal guru, Paul Bergner, shares this “Connoisseur’s Garlic Cocktail” in his book, The Healing Power of Echinacea and Goldenseal and Other Immune System Herbs: Blend together 3 cloves garlic with 1 tsp each red wine, vinegar and olive oil, add ¼ cup hot water and let sit 6 hours. Without straining, add 1/3 of the mix to a cup of hot water and drink up, repeating every 3-6 hours.

This sounds like a recipe for salad dressing, but this stuff really works. If you are still freaked out about the possibility of a bird flu pandemic, may I suggest a simple act to ease your conscious. Plant garlic! Simply take a healthy looking, fat clove off the garlic head and put it in the earth with the tip facing up; if you plant now you can have a harvest by mid-summer. Getting your hands in the earth and growing your own medicine is therapy in itself. Don’t let their fear tactics weaken you! Remember, prevention and peace of mind is the best medicine.

Julie Avena is a certified clinical herbalist, teacher, writer, mother, musician and dancer living in Ashland, Oregon. She creates a line of herbal body care products available at www.earthmamagoods.com. She can be reached for classes and consultations by calling 541-292-6062 or writing to mail@earthmamagoods.com.

Still skeptical about the power of The Law of Attraction as taught in The Secret Movie?? Then get on the bus and TEST DRIVE "The Secret" with Andy Wibbels and I for the next 30 Days. You can rev up here:

http://secretskeptic.com

Check out Andy’s MindMap of the Law of Attraction history here:
http://andywibbels.com/uploads/Image/secret_map.jpg

And be sure to listen to the "Getting The Secret" call Andy and I did last week:

People really loved the call as did we. Andy and I were overwhelmed with all the lovely comments folks made after the call. Here’s what people are saying:

Wow, Andy. This was a great call. And I am now a HUGE Maryam Webster fan. She does a great job of straddling the woo-woo with the practical. And I’m so glad someone spoke to how the Law of Attraction isn’t just about getting stuff. It’s a path of deep personal unfoldment and enrichment. Congrats!

- Nancy Tierney  http://www.unconditionalconfidence.com/

This call was amazingly helpful! Thanks for opening the dialogue and for having Maryam on to give us a real how-to. I’ve been focusing on making my mental shifts since Halloween. This call really revved up my evolution! Thanks to you both!

- Lynn Ward  http://thrivingafter50.com