Everyday Bliss For Women In Leadership

Again scientific confirmation comes for a syndrome most have long known exists - stress at work = anxiety and depression. Family troubles. Failures in business. And there doesn’t seem to be much difference in occupation studied from this quote:

"The most toxic factor here is high psychological demands. That can be present in multiple professions: the media are always working under time pressure;  doctors, firemen, nurses, builders, plumbers - it applies across the board."

From New Zealand, generational research proves the  link between high stress on any job and the mental illnesses of anxiety and depression. Other studies have linked such stress to chronic pain perception as well. Keeping in a stressful situation does more damage than you may have thought. Just look:

Jeepers. But then, we already knew this…didn’t we?  Click to read the whole article here  and click to get relief here

Thanks to Krishna who tipped me off about putting this at my blog. You can read her sage suggestions here on how to use this research to market your self growth business!

Last year the National Institute of Health published a study that said echinacea, or purple coneflower (at right - isn’t she pretty?), does nothing to help or cure the common cold. (Hundreds of years of pioneer and native American experience to the contrary). Now, the British Journal Lancet has published a counter study that says granny was right. From USA Today Health:

A new study published today in the British journal The Lancet: Infectious Diseases  finds that the popular herbal supplement echinacea cuts the chance of catching a cold by 58% and can reduce the duration of colds by about a day and a half.

This directly contradicts a major study funded by the National Institutes of Health and published last year in the New England Journal of Medicine which found that echinacea doesn’t work.

The Lancet study looked at the results of 14 previous clinical trials that investigated echinacea’s effects on the common cold. Those trials involved a total of over 1,600 patients.

The analysis was done by Craig Coleman, a professor of pharmacy at the University of Connecticut, and colleagues. Meta-analyses combine the findings of large numbers of studies to tease out trends that might not be visible individually.

Coleman and his colleagues looked at all the randomized, placebo-controlled, peer-reviewed studies available and by combining their data, found that echinacea reduced the incidence of contracting the common cold and its duration.

And they wonder why the herb grannies sometimes cast a jaundiced eye at ‘that newfangled doctorin". While science has its place, you’ve got to wonder sometimes why hundreds of years of anecdotal evidence is often pooh-poohed. Perhaps because big pharma can’t lay patent to what is essentially a weed?  Full article here 

Haven’t we been telling them this all these years? Well just recently, the docs and scientists finally wised up in this article from CNN:

You know you’ll get killer cramps or that nasty headache any minute now, but nothing you take seems to help once the pain hits.

You’re not alone: Many women have a tough time finding the right kind of relief for their pain –and for good reason: Until recently, experts hadn’t actually studied women’s pain specifically, and most research wasn’t conducted with a woman’s hormones and physique in mind. All that’s changing, though.

Docs now know that to banish our aches, they must develop treatments formulated for women’s bodies. What’s more, researchers are also looking for — and finding — ways to head pain off at the pass, so those of us with chronic troubles such as migraine, fibromyalgia, or backache don’t have to be hobbled by pain on a daily basis. Here, the new research will help you live an (almost) pain-free life.

Maryam’s take: If you’d have asked us, we could have told you - right ladies? So you can use epidural blocks and the like suggested in this article, or you could simply do what I did when faced with pain so gaspingly disabling from a broken back I could literally not get out of bed: Energy therapies.

Whether you turn on Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT), Tapas Acupressure Technique (TAT) or the point-free ZPoint Process (a little ZPoint humor there - wink), they all work well for pain and symptom relief once you understand how  to work them, and without the side effects of Oxy-Contin or other commonly prescribed "killer" pain  relievers.

The article goes on:  What should have been a relatively simple injury became an odyssey that had Weiner visiting specialists all over San Francisco. She finally found a podiatrist who "took a detective-like approach to the problem," Weiner says, by exploring and treating each joint and tendon in a methodical search for the pain’s source. Thanks to this care, which includes regular pain-preventing cortisone shots, the 55-year-old mother of one has been able to resume her hobby of salsa dancing.

Very important in your care to find someone who (1) Believes in you  and (2) Is willing to take the time to be a detective and find out what’s really wrong, instead of shopping you every pain pill in creation without doing the sleuthing first. And, to be a sleuth in your own body, for what bugs you, what is good for you and what you notice that’s different.

In the middle of pain and physical drama? Notice what’s happening from a deep place inside the felt-sense of your body. Take notes and start a journal of your symptoms, precipitating foods, events and people. Be a body detective…

To be continued…

Seth Godin recently blogged about being lonely, saying "People spend money..and invest time and enormous energy to solve this problem…"  Loneliness can be a big problem, but it doesn’t have to cost you money to solve. In working with clients from busy moms to corporate executives, I find every one of them is lonely at some point in time. Many are lonely for long stretches, and are even lonely in the midst of a pack of third-graders clamoring for juice, busy board meetings or even hanging out with friends, family or colleagues. Either they’re not making time in their day for fulfilling relationships, looking for ideal people that just aren’t in their environment, or looking for something that doesn’t exist.

Sometimes these women reveal fantasy to be at the heart of their dreams of curing loneliness. We often want what we can’t have - the unobtainable popular or wealthy person to be a comfort, those dear ones who are long dead, or comrades who look like the close-knit group of friends from a favorite television show. These busy, successful women are not lonely hermits, but people with friends, communities and loving families. They sometimes feel their burdens are too great to impose upon the time of those families and friends. Or they have other unrealistic beliefs that limit their ability to reach out.

One of the best things about lonely is that its easily curable once unrealistic expectations are surpassed.

If you are lonely, don’t sit at home or in the office feeling sorry for yourself. Here are a few pro-active steps to take, and one security precaution you need to know about and below that, my All-Time Best Anti-Lonliness Tip:

• If your workmates go out at lunch or after work, contrive to be included - EVEN IF they aren’t the "ideal" people you want to hang out with.

• If you meet other moms at the park, make a point of speaking to them and getting to know them better. Invite them for coffee or play dates with your kids EVEN IF they aren’t of your religion, educational background or social strata.

• If  you have a home office, make a date with another home worker to meet at a coffee shop a few times a week and plug your laptop into the coffee shop’s wireless system to get your admin work done.

• And if you’re concerned about security using a coffeeshop’s wireless system, try the comprehensive JiWire WiFi Hotspot locator, email enabler and WiFi security system here: http://www.jiwire.com/hotspot-helper.htm

You’ll widen your world when you take these proactive steps. And if those immediately surrounding you aren’t 100% your cup of tea, by at least making the effort, you’re telling the Universe that you’re open to meeting new people. As long as you keep focusing your mind on exactly who you want to meet and tell those you’re with, sooner or later you will. Plant seeds of ideas in those around you like this: "Say, I’d like to meet some other Green Party vegetarians - do you know any?" Your workmates might not, but for sure they’ll remember you when their aunt mentions her neighbor, the eco-friendly vegan woman. And they’ll mention it to you. Such are connections formed, that end loneliness.

Now, The Number One Tip For Curing Loneliness:

Be In Service To Others

Focusing on those who are in the most need will help you make lonliness a thing of the past. Visit, help out or volunteer your time with the elderly and/or with children. If the idea of being with seniors makes you roll your eyes, look in the mirror sunshine - you’ll be there soon yourself. Make friends with the inevitable and know that today’s older folks aren’t the older folks of your childhood. If your remembrance of relatives in warehouse homes is keeping you away, it shouldn’t. Seniors today are peppier far longer into their golden years than they used to be. Those that are living in communal housing environments or nursing homes are dying for want of just a little bit of company - either a one time visit or an ongoing gig. What about going hiking or on a visit to the local gardens with an elder who has no family to visit them? 

Increasingly, seniors are leading active lives well into their 70’s, 80’s and 90’s.

One thing’s sure, you’ll be curing two people’s loneliness at least ,and learn a whole lot into the bargain. Our world’s greatest repository of wisdom lies in the still-active hearts and minds of our elderly, and they’re a hoot to hang out with. It may not be the ideal relationship you’re looking for, but being with the elderly broadens your life in ways you cannot any other way.

If you have a special skill, like teaching yoga, self-defense or something more stationary like making candles, soap or paper, writing a novel, advice on stock trading or real estate investing - elders in your community would love to learn, and you would stand the chance of alleviating the lonliness of many more than just one. Check your local community college senior section and city senior care programs. Good karma goes a long way in alleviating your own lonliness.

Children Need You Too
If you’re not a parent, you probably don’t know that in America, our public school systems are in deep trouble. Teachers are having to purchase notebooks and pencils - textbooks in some places. I won’t go on a political rant here, but the situation is dire indeed. If you want to cure your loneliness, volunteer at your local elementary school, junior high or high school. Many schools don’t ask for a constant commitment and are pleased as punch if you want to come in just an hour or two a week or on a one time basis to share your special skill or talents. Conact your local schools to learn more or go through your local area’s volunteer programs. A tip: Younger children tend to be more appreciative of your time than older ones, but the need is prevalent at all levels. If you crave attention and appreciation however, the little ones are you best bet…but the older kids need you just as much, sometimes more.

Cultivation of Everyday Bliss without giveback is little more than selfish pampering. If you’re not giving back and sharing your life, time and talents with others, you’re not truly living. And the Law of Tenfold Return  "what you give out returns to you tenfold" is true. Whether you’re lonely or not, go forth and give back, so that you may receive.

If you’re reading this blog, then you’re undoubtedly dedicated to the experience of Everyday Bliss. So I KNOW you’ll want to participate in the FREE Teleclass I’m doing TODAY with Ellen Britt, for her Everyday Qi program.

I’ll be sharing the first FIVE Keys to Everyday Bliss from my upcoming Everyday Bliss For Busy Women book, a technique you can use to rev up your energy (even when you are tired, ill or have had a horrible day) and how to use the energy of intention to transform your  limitations into a precious treasure.

Interested? Calendar open at 5pm Pacific / 8pm Eastern TODAY, Wednesday 5/23?

Great!  Sign up here:

http://www.everydayqi.com/signup4webster.html

There are MASSES of goodies included of course,  and you’ll also get to hear LOTS of other fantastic speakers on energy techniques and other health and wellness promotion info that you can really use.

See you there!

Warmly,
Maryam

This is THE Blog for you if you’re a Woman who desires to live a life of  Everyday Bliss. Though that necessarily requires a bit of work on yourself, Bliss also BEGINS with accepting you for WHO YOU ARE.  Your thighs are thin enough. Trust me, my thighs are bigger than yours and it doesn’t keep me up nights. Bliss is knowing that things are okay as they are, you’re just fine, you are living a Guided life, and what needs to change will take care of itself.

TODAY my friend the renowned "Comfort Queen", Jennifer Louden, has declared an international holiday:

May 15, 2007:  Freedom From Self Improvement Day

Self-improvement is a one-way ticket to misery, Jen says. She endorses a path to happiness and fulfillment that starts with acceptance of who and where you are.

As a certified Bliss Booster, I couldn’t agree more.

As we give gratitude for what is good and wonderful in our lives, we need to start with ourselves - WHOMever you are, WHEREever you are and WHATever is going on in your life….is all just fine. 

“Beating ourselves up because our thighs aren’t thin enough, or because we still haven’t perfected the art of ‘positive thinking’ hasn’t made us happier or the world a better place,” says Jen, whose books include The Woman’s Comfort Book and her recently released The Life Organizer: A Woman’s Guide to a Mindful Year.

“Inner peace through endless self-improvement only serves to make us endlessly dissatisfied and disappointed. The biggest paradox in trying to change ourselves is that nothing happens until we embrace who and how we are right now, imperfections, perceived flaws and all.” she says.

I’ll add that it is only then that you can go forward out of what isn’t what you want and engage the Law of Attraction to get what you want. That Gratitude for What Is, is absolutely essential. And it needs to be legitimate gratitude, not merely mouthed insincerely.

My recommendation, if you’re not to the happy place with where you are yet, is to start with the EFT Personal Peace Procedure. Being at peace with yourself is key to Everyday Bliss.

The day will include a number of resources to encourage self-acceptance, ban self-improvement, and have fun while doing it, including a “Declaration of Independence from Self-Improvement,” audio downloads contributed by a host of best-selling authors and spiritual teachers, and suggested activities for celebrating our beautiful, imperfect selves.

To get a comprehensive run-down on what Jen is offering, check her blog out at:

http://freedomfromselfimprovement.com

And drop the shoulda-coulda-woulda’s, don’ts and must-do’s that litter your life and poison personal peace.

Be Kind to You.

Be gentle and compassionate with your dear, precious self. 

To quote Jen: "True change is a result of self-love, not self-hatred.”  You said it, girlfriend.

By the time you read this, I’ll be on a jet plane and flown off to Massachussets to visit NLP and Coaching friends, do a little teaching, a smattering of processes and have a lot of fun. When I get back in a week, I’m sure I’ll have plenty of stories to tell and new processes to share as I’m meeting with, among other colleagues, good buddy and NLP legend, Harvard Business School’s own Stever Robbins. It’s bound to be fun and there will be declaiming on Cambridge Common to be listened to. Come join me for a picnic lunch if you’re on Cambridge Common by the Whitefield Elm at noon, this Friday, May 18th. I’ll be speaking on Energy Therapies and I’d love to meet you!

Until next time, don’t forget the fabulous giveaway going on ONLY until the END OF MAY at:

http://maryamrecommends.com/selfimprovement.html

TONS of self improvement gifts, freebies, software, memberships and so on.

And just wait for tomorrow, when you’ll see quite a DIFFERENT face on the "improve thyself" ticket.

Wait for it!

Love & Blessings,
Maryam

A Powerful Pointer To Bliss:

Yoga is not simply the science and art of moving your body into a pretzel shape or sweating at high temperatures. The majority of yoga is concerned with "your inner pretzel", or yoga to develop the mind and soul. Inspiration is a powerful motivator and pointer towards enlightenment. The following is a quote by the great Indian sage Patanjali on the subject of inspiration:

When you are inspired by some great purpose,
some extraordinary project,
all of your thoughts break their bonds
Your mind transcends limitations.
Your consciousness expands in every direction.
And you find yourself in a new, great and wonderful world.
Dormant forces, faculties and talents come alive
and you discover yourself to be a greater person
by far than you ever dreamed yourself to be.

So if you’re feeling piddly, puny and small, think about why you’re here on the earth - the real reason. Not the laundry list of things you have to do before the next board meeting or team call…or for that matter, your laundry. Focus on what juices you, even though right now you can’t see how it will help you work through your management issue, product distribution troubles, or get a thousand pounds of rice into your charity’s warehouse, or…

Address any thoughts, beliefs and blockages to living fully expressed and in flow with the universe with ZPoint, EFT or your favorite energy therapy. These thoughts and beliefs bind us and keep us from fully expressing as Source. As you lose this bondage, those dormant forces, faculties and talents Patanjali speaks of will pop out of the woodwork with an energy and swiftness and appropriateness that will astonish and delight you. And you will discover yourself to be a greater person that you ever dreamed you could be.

Enjoy the Bliss!!

The below is a bit technical but for Kamala AND Marion, who asked. This reply in particular was to Marion, on the NCC list:

…I deal with fear-bashing on a daily basis and it’s one of the first things I teach the energy coaches I train. First of all one of the presuppositions that we work by which comes from neurolinguistic programming:

"There is no Failure - Only Feedback"

Once a person really gets this, the shame, guilt and upset that accompanies such fear is taken down significantly. When they try at a task and perceive that they "fail" again and again, they are in reality researchers in their own lives, gathering data. They have reached several plateaus in their data gathering that tell them that this is another way not to accomplish the task they are addressing. This is wonderful, for they are weeding down the thousands of possible choices to the ones that really matter, that will get them "there" - wherever that is.

Here is the process we use to deal with Fear of any kind, in The Everyday Bliss Process and Energy Coaching in general:

First I do reality checking. Is this a realistic fear? If not, we present a reframing primarily and may or may not go further. Often this is all that is required, but if not we will go on to do a belief change process and sometimes a recoding of the base formative decision with the client’s choice of energy change modalities. ZPoint Process is my current favorite, though TAT and EFT are also excellent for this purpose.

We also want to know in the case of a major personality base-matrix decision, if this is a present fear, or something that has been sown in childhood as most root fears are. When we have a fear of basic core states like success and failure, they are without exception, no matter how recent a trigger experience might have been, rooted deep in childhood - one’s first experiences with authority. While it is immaterial with some of the more advanced of the energy change modalities to know exactly when and what happened, clients will often have a sense of this.

Whether they remember a pivotal moment or not, we:

1) Reframe at all levels, but particularly the kinesthetic (how this feeling of fear sits in their body or mind) using a variety of techniques

2) Recode the decision made as a result of the initiating experience (the "I’m afraid to fail (because when I do I am beaten or yelled at)" or "I will NEVER be successful (because all successful people are jerks and I hate jerks)…and in fact, I’m afraid of success")

3) Do a conflict integration in the case of a double-bind which is nearly always present in Fear based beliefs, and finally

4) Instill a new decision about the childhood experience, plus a choice the client makes about how they would rather view the thing once feared.

Here’s an example: A father hits his child when the child fails tests at school, yelling at him and calling him stupid. The child over time concludes that they are stupid and that they are incapable of success, because the authority figures they trust, the father and perhaps a teacher or two tells them so. Perhaps not directly, but children are masters of reading implication.

Decisions Made as a result of this: "I am stupid"  + "I cannot be successful" and there’s a hidden one there too: "When I fail, I experience pain" and the real whammy: "I’m frightened to fail, yet I can never succeed"

This is a classic double-bind and sets the child up for a lifetime of failure, pain, and self-destruction. While these ‘failures’ may be only minor, they are experienced as shattering.

Such an individual as an adult might choose the new decision of "Father didn’t know what he was talking about, he was speaking from his own pain and had no idea about my capabilities. Therefore, I cannot trust or believe what he told me then."  and the Choice of "I am infinitely capable and have proven it many times. I have a college degree - stupid people don’t get degrees, only smart people do. Therefore I know that I am smart enough and I choose to feel okay about who I am. I enjoy succeeding, and know that I have all it takes to be successful. I’ve proven this many times in my life…."

The client will ideally go on to fill in the blanks of a good handful of the times they have successfully accomplished a task. Any task is relevant, no matter how small.

The point is to provide as many counter-examples to the perceived sense of failure as possible.

Much of this is derived from neurolinguistic programming, though accomplished in Energy Coaching through the sophisticated use of the simple-to-practice energy changework techniques EFT, ZPoint and TAT.

I hope this wasn’t too academic and can be helpful to coaches and therapists alike out there - you can do much of this in a talking mode with a client using appreciative inquiry as well. Enjoy!

Warm Blessings,
Maryam