Everyday Bliss

The title of this post, “The Map Is Not The Territory” is one of Neuro-Linguistic Programming’s (NLP) presuppositions. It’s one of my favorites because it affirms the fact that at the surface level, a person, situation or a state of mind may look a certain way, but things may not be quite as they seem. A map of a city is not the actual moist loam comprising the physical terrain. Paper does not equal soil. Likewise, our perceptions of situations, people and states are not the situations themselves. The next time you’re confronted with a strange or stressful situation, it’s helpful to remember that you don’t have all the information there is, and the other person’s maps of their inner “territory” may not match your own. From that point, it’s helpful to be open to learning the way that the other person conceptualises to prevent mismatch in your communication with them.

Try it, you’ll enjoy the results!

CoachVille head honcho Dave Buck sent out a real corker in his two-part “State of the Ville” messages this week. I found myself vigorously nodding my head and saying “Oh yeah…” in more than one place. Worth a looksee and membership is free over at CoachVille. One of the tensest areas in the last year or so has been the Colorado “C3″ Coaches Coalition and their fight with the Coloroado State Board of Mental Health who wanted all Coaches to register as “unlicensed psychotherapists”. Buck’s comments on the roles of psychotherapy and coaching cut to the heart of the matter succinctly and with finality. Read an excerpt here:

Coaches go deep – into the real stuff of life
Coaching in business and life presents the same basic formula. In order to thrive, you must help the client see – to make order out of the chaos inside them and all around them.

When a person hires a coach – to go for something important to them – you can be sure that they will bump up against growth-related issues. As a result, coaches must be ready to delve deeply into life and create awareness of what is happening both inside and outside.

In order to do this we must get past our “fear of doing therapy”. Coaching and therapy share the domain of psychology but they are different things and it is essential that we stop trying to compare and contrast them. The more you talk about what you are NOT, the more you are affected by it. A few key points:

Talking deeply about life is NOT the sole domain of psychotherapy

Talking about the past is NOT the sole domain of psychotherapy

Coaches are teachers. And one of the areas that coaches teach about is “how life works”.

Anyone with a life is qualified to share what they have learned from their own perspective.

As long as you are not diagnosing and attempting to heal a “mental illness” you are not doing psychotherapy.

I think it is inevitable that therapists will see coaches as invading their “turf” to some degree but we have to stop focusing on that and start focusing on doing great coaching. I think the new definition will help.

One last point. My friend and colleague Barbara Weiland-Marks (a trained psychotherapist) says it best: “You can’t legislate personal growth”.

- Dave Buck in his latest “State of the Ville” CoachVille Members Announcement

Speaking as another trained psychotherapist with over twenty years experience, I fully agree with Barbara and Dave. Finally, someone has put this all into rational, intelligible language. Huzzah and break out the happy dance. And to quote John Lennon: “Imagine all the People, living in harmony…” Living in harmony is part of my mission as a coach and energy psychologist. Rick Snowdon and his cronies at Coach Training Institute made a great point too in saying “Therapy is a godsend. Coaching is a godsend.” Each in their own turn and making most brilliant use of their individual gifts and blessings. Dave and Barbara articulated this distinction so very well. Thanks folks…

Well, yee-hah! I’m going to be turning out for “Creativity & Innovation Day” this Wednesday and marking it by finishing another chapter in my book on Energy Therapies and having some well-deserved good fun creating a new sculpture. I scuplt in clay and also carve wood and some of the softer stones. Here’s what the Creativity and Innovation Day website has to say about the commemoration…
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I am the editor of CoachVille’s Innovation Team blog, “Innovatoblitz”. I added a fun entry today on the growing market of coaching retreats which has resources for you to access, just to give you an idea of the possibilities. Who’s up for an Energy Coaching Retreat in the Santa Cruz mountains or on the beach? It’s something I’m considering… This is the post I refer to:

“The most successful contemporary spas not only offer unique treatments, they also focus on your health and fitness IQ. You can follow your herbal wrap with a class on anything from power yoga and meditation to stress management and ayurvedic nutrition. In today’s work-hard/play-hard world, such healthy escapes seem like less of an indulgence and more like a necessity. And an ever-growing number of spas are meeting this increased demand with programs that build up a sagging psyche as well as a depleted body…

In recent months we have noticed a hot trend in marrying life coaching with spa style “coaching retreats”, either for singles, couples or the entire family. . .

Read more at “Innovatoblitz: CoachVille’s Innovation Blog“

One of the things I learned while living in England was the willingness of companies to endorse certain employee endeavors. Over and above what I tend to see in their American counterparts. Coal mines, those that do still exist, have their brass bands, IT development companies have cricket and football teams. The movie “Brassed Off” is about the poor working conditions affecting one of northern England’s coal mine brass bands. Stunning performances by Ewan MacGregor and Pete Postlethwaite highlight this study of how deeply such organizations can enrich the lives of their participants.

If a brass band is a little too retro and plebian, how about a symphony orchestra or a professional version of the guitar bands that play nightly in every other garage? This could at least partially solve the economy and employee benefits problems of such companies. The rock band along with the jazz, soul and r&b bands of other companies could play at pay venues the company owns, free of charge, or put on a larger concert and rake in profits that could be split between the band members and the companies, for the benefit of all employees.

Time to think out of the box. With employee health care supplements being cut to the bone and the vanishing of corporate benefits like stock options (which many a laid-off engineer have been extracting their expenses from), how many more ways can you think of for employees to have fun, make money and benefit not only themselves but all those who work with them?

Your turn!

I just spent the past three days in the company of the most delightful people it has been my pleasure to know. Most of my NLP Practitioner class certified, graduated and moved on straight into the NLP Master Practitioner training together as a unit. Or as we came to think of one another, as good friends and extended family. Tsahai wasn’t going to come back to the Master Practitioner class, but it is such a joyous, wonderful group that she returned in spite of her busy schedule. We have a scant handful of new people in this class who are equally delightful to know, each one a blessing and full of amazing resources. The groups of us ended up good buddies and have seen each other through some truly awe-inspiring changes. Through breakups and joinings and greater luck, joy and prosperity. To be in the presence of tens of Wizards of Change, to learn to be one, it little short of miraculous.

To pose a metaphor, it felt like Harry Potter coming to Hogwarts for the very first time, being in that first NLP Practitioner’s class. We fought dragons (those inner voices that scream abuse at you and reinforce repetitive, negative messages) old and hoary with the dust of years – and won. We tamed other dragons into doing the work we needed to get done. We busted our limiting beliefs and took on an infinity of possibility. We became presciently aware that we – each one of you reading this – have all the resources you will ever need in life, right now. And always have. What we don’t commonly have is the recognition that this is so or the knowledge of how to access these resources. NLP training gave us the key to open all those locks. It gave us something more – it gave us community of like minded angels and shamans, amazons, holy people and dervishes dedicated to praising the sacred. It gave us a home, for which I am profoundly grateful.

BTW, if you’re interested in what Neuro-Linguistic Programming is, take a look at the definition on my teacher’s website here and also this paper. I’ll share a great NLP exercise towards the end of this post (click “Continue Reading…” below to go to it now)

We were sitting talking after class today (they had to nearly kick the last seven of us out in the end), about our Core Beliefs. One of mine has always been to sort for Truth. “Sorting for” is what you look for in life, what you’re constantly (if subconsciously most of the time) on the watch for.
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